Innocence
by Ultrawoman
Summary: COMPLETE! FantasyAU (all-human) She is not what she seems, but then neither is he. They’re both falling in love with a lie. Will the truth tear them apart? [Just read chapter 1 and you’ll get a better idea of what this is]
1. Chapter 1

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A/N : This is the Fantasy fic idea that got the most votes in the poll at my site. I felt the urge to write it this weekend and figured I could handle this and 'Life's Full Of Surprises' at the same time, at least I hope I can. I'm posting this as R, though most of it will probably be PG-13 I think I might be pushing some boundaries later so the higher rating is for safety. This is a bit darker than I usually go with my fics and a different kind of style so I'd love to know what you guys think, all reviews very welcome and gratefully received! :-)

Title : Innocence  
Author : Ultrawoman  
Rating : PG-13/R  
Pairing : will be Spike/Buffy, naturally  
Summary : FantasyAU (all-human) She is not what she seems, but then neither is he. They're both falling in love with a lie. Will the truth tear them apart? [Just read chapter 1, you'll get a better idea of what this is about]  
Disclaimer : All recognisable characters from BtVS and/or AtS belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy, not me.

Chapter 1

Alone. He was used to being alone, even when he was surrounded by people he felt as if he was the only one there. Life had been that way for a while now and he really didn't care if it didn't change. Too many times in the past he'd been double crossed, by friends, by women, even by his own family, he didn't need anyone but himself anymore. 

Sometimes he wondered why he'd run, would it have been so bad to get caught? Could he be anymore alone than he already was? The thoughts crept round in his mind like shadows, only half there as the vodka in his glass made it's way into his mouth, the alcohol dulling his senses and brain functions slightly. He was used to the booze, it'd take him a long time to get happily drunk, and sometimes he cursed the fact that it worked that way.

"Hi" a voice cut through the murk in his mind and he turned his head slightly to look upon the owner of the voice, a girl. A quick glance was all she got from him before he looked away again, back at his glass, as he finished off his latest drink, "You want another drink?" the same voice, the same girl, spoke again, and he looked sideways at her. She was blonde, he noticed, dressed the same as most of the females that inhabited the club on a Saturday night, short skirt and low top, boots and a jacket. She was pleasant enough to look at and she was offering to buy him a drink. He accepted with a nod.

He watched as she smiled and called to the barman, ordered two vodkas as she hopped up onto the stool beside him, just as the drinks arrived on the bar in front of them.

"Cheers" he thanked her, picking up the glass as she did the same.

"You're welcome" she smiled as she picked up her own drink and watched him knock his back in one, she sipped at her own before placing the glass back on the surface of the bar.

"My name's Buffy, by the way" she told him, "Buffy Anderson" she smiled, holding out a hand to him.

The man just rolled his eyes, 'not another one' he sighed inwardly. He was used to girls buying him drinks, introducing themselves as Candy or Toni or some other such stereotypical blonde name. They liked the look of him, he understood that, in all honesty he liked the look of some of them, but it was all about the drinking, kissing, groping, maybe something more than that with some of them, but it wasn't real feelings or anything of importance. He just got sick of it, but this bint had bought him a drink and she hadn't tried to get her hands on his goods yet so she was more bearable than some he'd met.

"I'm Spike" he told her, taking her offered hand and shaking it slightly, before withdrawing it and almost visibly hiding back into his own little world. He was only a little surprised that she didn't ask why he had such a name, what his real name might be or his last name at least, but some didn't care, names were unimportant and he was pretty sure most of them lied about theirs.

"You come here often?" Buffy asked next and Spike couldn't help but laugh. He didn't mean to offend her or anything but it was the worst line in the history of forever, he was still sober enough to know that. He looked upon her with a questioning gaze and Buffy surprised herself by laughing too. She hadn't realised until she'd said it, just how lame it really sounded, "I'm sorry" she chuckled, "that was pathetic"

"Yeah" Spike agreed, "but a valid question when you think about it" he conceded, unsure why he was so fast to make her feel less embarrassed, the more he looked at her the more he realised she wasn't like the other girls that usually came onto him. She didn't really seem to know what she was doing, less confident and brassy, more shy and easily flustered.

"I come here most nights" Spike told her, "got nowhere else to be" he added, almost bitterly, not looking for her sympathy, just stating the facts.

"What about your wife or girlfriend?" she asked as casually as she could and Spike couldn't help but smile as he watched her shyly duck her head and hide her face behind her blonde locks, she quite clearly was not the kind of girl that usually went up to blokes in bars and tried to chat them up, but she was giving it her best shot he had to admit.

"You're not backwards in coming forwards, are you pet?" he smirked and noticed she went even more red that she had previously, "I don't have a woman" he told her, "not right now anyway, no-one special" the bitterness was back in his voice as he spoke, though he tried to swallow it, it never quite went away.

"Me either" Buffy sighed, "no-one special right now"

Well, that was a given, Spike thought to himself, she'd hardly be talking to him like this if she had some nice tall dark and handsome type to go home to.

"Look luv" he sighed, turning to face her properly for the first time all night, "let me save you some time and effort" he said, deciding she was just too innocent to play around with, "Trust me when I tell you, you don't want to get to know me, not physically, and definitely not emotionally" he warned her, as he got up from the stool he'd been on for the past two hours, he had booze at home, he didn't need to get slaughtered in public today.

"What makes you so sure I wouldn't want to know you?" she asked as he walked behind her and appeared to her other side as he headed for the exit, "You seem decent enough"

He smiled at her willingness to think well of him, despite being given no good reason to, there weren't enough people like her in the world. If he didn't know his own destructive self as well as he did, he might have stayed and got to know her better after all.

"You've got no idea what I'm capable of luv" he told her with a painful smile on his lips, "not sure I even know myself anymore" he admitted. He made to turn his back upon her again but she called out.

"Maybe I want to find out" she protested, "Maybe that's my aim tonight"

"Find another target luv" he implored her, turning one final time to look at her, "this ones far too full of past holes...see you around, pet" he added as he made for the door, wondering if he meant it, if he really would see her again. As much as he told her, and himself, to stay away he wondered if it would do any good. She was intriguing as well as intrigued it seemed, making Spike wonder if perhaps they might be of use to each other, despite their differences...his thoughts soon got darker as he remembered what became of the last girl he got close too, and he decided in that moment he wouldn't see Buffy again.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Not exactly your average day at the office, Buffy sighed as she stood outside the club, straightening her very-unlike-her clothes and running a hand through her blonde hair. This might not be her usual working surroundings but she did have a job to do and do it she would. She walked into the building with as much confidence as she could muster, she had to look the part, had to act it and feel it if she was ever going to convince him. Such a practised liar as he was supposed to be could surely spot one of his own kind far too easily, she had to be better than he was or face the consequences of getting caught.

The man she was looking for sat at one end of the bar, knocking back double vodkas as easy as the water they resembled, and she wondered at how it were possible, but it didn't matter. 

He was, for the most part, exactly as she knew he would be. She'd seen pictures, both photographs and professional sketches. From the neck down he was black as the night itself, wearing a T-shirt, jeans, boots, and leather duster all in that colour. In contrast his skin was pale, and his white blonde hair gleamed like platinum. If he was anyone else...she thought silently to herself, but didn't allow herself to finish the sentence, not even in her head.

Steeling herself against all kinds of typical female reactions at the sight of such a man, Buffy pulled herself up to her full height and approached the bar. She waited a few feet away til she thought he'd finished his drink, then she made her move.

"Hi" she said as she moved to stand beside him "You want another drink?"

She waited as the man turned and looked at her, blue eyes wandering over her face and then down her body and back up again. What he thought of her mattered, and she realised, in spite of her own better judgement, it mattered not just for the plan but for her. She wanted him to want her anyway, though she wasn't sure she knew why.

She smiled as he nodded in response to her offer, stupidly ordered two vodkas, knowing damn well she couldn't drink too much of it without passing out and/or throwing up.

"Cheers" he said as he knocked his own drink back in one, she sipped at her own before putting it back down on the bar.

"You're welcome" she found herself saying, wondering why her voice came out so quiet, she hadn't intended for it too, she wasn't usually so timid, not even in the company of men she didn't know, and she knew him, despite the fact they'd never met before tonight.

"My name's Buffy, by the way" she told him, willing him to pay her more attention than he was at present "Buffy Anderson" the lie slipped off her tongue so easily she astonished herself, as she held out her hand for him to shake, for a moment completely unsure as to what his reaction might be, praying it was the one she needed.

"I'm Spike" he replied eventually, shaking the offered hand just briefly before retreating back into his own dark world, she could almost see him doing it.

"You come here often?" she tried to get his attention back on her but she realised she just used the most half-witted and cliched line imaginable to do it, she felt like kicking herself, but she didn't, just hated herself as she felt the colour rise in her cheeks under the intense blue gaze of Spike's eyes, "I'm sorry, that was pathetic" she mumbled, hoping she hadn't just blown the whole night.

"Yeah" Spike agreed with her "but a valid question when you think about it" he shrugged, hands fiddling with the now empty glass on the bar before him, as his mind seemed to weigh up the pros and cons of just one more drink, "I come here most nights" he admitted "got nowhere else to be" he told the bar more than her, she noticed, since he spent more time looking at the surface that his arms leant on than at her face.

"What about your wife or girlfriend?" she tried to sound casual as she asked but she wasn't really surprised when he seemed to be holding back a laugh. She thought the direct approach would be good but she realised she just sounded like a dork.

"You're not backwards in coming forwards, are you pet?" he smirked at her, before answering her question, "I don't have a woman, not right now anyway, no-one special" his voice faded out, the further through his sentence he got, and Buffy felt a little bad for him, despite knowing why he was so alone.

"Me either, no-one special right now" she was glad to not have to lie about that, but also a little sad that it was so true. She had no-one special, it gave her something in common with him and that almost scared her.

"Look, luv" she looked right at him as he began to speak again, "let me save you some time and effort" he said as he hopped off of his stool "Trust me when I tell you, you don't want to get to know me, not physically, and definitely not emotionally" he told her, as he moved to pass behind the back of her stool. He couldn't leave yet, she panicked a little, but hid it well.

"What makes you so sure I wouldn't want to know you?" she asked his back, making him stop but not turn just yet "You seem decent enough" she shrugged as he finally faced her.

"You've got no idea what I'm capable of, luv" he told her with a slight smile, she wondered why he'd smile about it, maybe he was proud "not sure I even know anymore" he added as he turned to leave yet again.

"Maybe I want to find out" Buffy found herself saying "Maybe that's my aim tonight" of course he had no idea just how true her words were now, but she thought she was pretty safe in saying them.

"Find another target, luv" he sighed, looking back one final time, just briefly, "this ones far too full of past holes...see you around, pet" he turned again to leave and she didn't stop him this time. Buffy couldn't help but think how tired he looked, so weary for one so young. Twenty five was no age at all, but Spike looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, a burden she needed to convince him to share with her.

As the guy she'd only just met finally strolled away, Buffy let out a breath she was only vaguely aware she'd been holding. Her hands shook slightly as she pulled out her cellphone and speed dialled the familiar number.

"Finn" said a voice on the other end of the line.

"It's me" Buffy replied in a whispered tone, "it's not going to be as easy as we thought" she told him, "but I can get him where we want him, just give me time" she said as she looked toward the door Spike had just disappeared through.

"Good job, Summers" came the reply in her ear, "I have every faith in you"

"Thankyou, sir" she nodded before hanging up and smiling to herself.

Let the games begin.

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To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

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A/N : I'm glad this fic got a positive response, it seems I have you all intrigued! I had chapter one pretty much written from a while ago and most of this chapter too, they just needed finishing off and beta-ing, after this I'm going to try to alternate my updates between this and Life's Full Of Surprises. I'm determined not to abandon that just because I want to write this too, and hopefully I won;t get confused since that is the real characters and this is all-human. Anyway, thanks to; Sweetbitter, Samolly, wicked-angel3, BuffyandDracoLover, Sara, spike wuvs buffy, SouthernRain, Rachel, and twisty-treat, for all the reviews. Here's the next chapter...

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(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 2

Same old story, here he is again. Drink in his hand and a scowl on his face, already having turned away three prospective shags, because he just can't handle it tonight. He's been completely off since four nights ago, or was it five? When he met the girl, the blonde one, Buffy. 

She was different, he knew that much, but as to why she'd caught his attention, Spike really couldn't say. She was average enough in looks, averagely beautiful but still, there were plenty of rivals for her in the club of an evening, tonight included. So why did she cloud his thoughts, just as the alcohol clouded his mind, drowned the memories he didn't want anymore, for a little while at least. 

It was almost nine months, would be exactly when next Thursday came around, but still he saw her, even with his eyes closed, dark hair and dark eyes that wouldn't shine anymore, not for him or for anyone. Oh God how he hated himself, sometimes wished he could just end it all, but suicide was the cowards way, this way he suffered like he probably should. Suffering for his sins, her sins, everyone's sins upon his shoulders, at least it felt like that sometimes, so heavy and dark.

"Hey" Spike heard off to the side and despite his thoughts of the blackened past he realised he was smiling just slightly as a light broke through the dark, blonde hair shone beneath electric lights, as she smiled back at him and took a seat, "I was hoping I would see you again" Buffy told him.

"Why?" he asked, without even thinking it through. He was sure he didn't really want to know, but obviously he was wrong.

"I wanted us to talk" she shrugged, "things didn't go quite how I planned the other day"

"You mean when I told you to leave me alone?" he smirked at her, knocking back the rest of his drink and putting the glass down in front of himself on the bar. Against his own better judgement, and without waiting for an answer to his question, he asked; "Drink?"

She merely nodded in response and watched him order two more of the same from the barman, such a natural thing for him to do, ordering drink after drink. Spike absently wondered if he used to drink this much, then almost laughed when he realised he couldn't remember, so the booze was doing a good mind-numbing job after all, just like he wanted it too.

He watched her as she ran her fingers around the glass that he was sure was less fragile than she was. He watched her eyes as they flitted between the surface of the bar, the drink, and him, as if she were looking for something, maybe waiting for something, or trying to find the courage to speak.

"So..." she drew out, obviously the third option was true, Spike realised, there was something she wanted to say to him, maybe ask him, she was just having trouble.

"Spit it out, luv" he prompted her, "I haven't got all night" which was a lie because he had, and he figured he'd have a better time with her than anybody, but that wasn't the point right now.

"Tell me about yourself" she said suddenly, looking him right in the eye. Despite her shy and breakable surface, Spike saw fire in those eyes, a real power and strength that she kept inside, he was certain she'd be something incredible to behold when that escaped, when she was angry, or when she wanted something, it would almost be worth making her furious just to see what would happen, or there were other ways to evoke powerful emotions, more interesting ways.

"Don't think there's much you'd care to hear, pet" he said after a while, looking away from her gaze that almost had him hypnotised, "Certainly not much I want to tell"

He kept his eyes on his hands and the glass they cradled, maybe if he ignored her she'd go away, though a large part of him, that he found most annoying, nagged at his insides, and made him want her to stay.

"So, you won't talk to me" Buffy sighed, "Will you dance with me?" she tried. 

He smirked at that, she was nothing if not persistent in her attempts for his attention, though why the silly bint wanted anything to do with him was a mystery to the man himself. She was an angel and he was the devil, she offered her heart and he would take her soul, or so the stories said, he wasn't sure where fiction ended and reality began anymore.

"I don't dance" he told her more severely than he meant to, everything came out worse than he planned lately.

"You don't talk, you don't dance...what do you do?" she pressed, quite determined that he would listen, and it was working, he realised as he almost laughed, it'd been a long time since he'd done that. What was it about this girl?

"Not much that's of any use" he told her cryptically, "that's what I do, and yourself?" he asked, raising a scarred eyebrow. She smiled a little, and he could guess why, his question proved he was interested in her, a fact that grated on him because he didn't consciously want to give a stuff, but he couldn't help himself somehow.

"If you mean for a job, I'm a waitress" she told him, and he looked at her incredulously, he knew she was worth so much more than serving all day breakfasts and wiping tables. He knew without a doubt she could be anything she wanted to be, so he had to ask;

"Why?"

"Why, what?" came her reply as she looked away from him, he wondered why she couldn't hold his gaze, why she shied away. The breakable walls closed around the strength within, the power he'd seen before...it seemed maybe she was hiding as much as he was.

"I don't know" he said absently, in answer to her question, his eyes travelling all over her as if he might see some sign to explain what she was all about. 

She was a riddle and a mystery, one minute one thing and one minute another. She was an enigma he would love to solve, written in a code he'd take pleasure in cracking. 

Maybe he could, maybe he should, maybe he would if she'd let him, she seemed willing enough and the night was young. He had all the time in the world and nothing to lose anymore.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It had been a few days, she'd deliberately not been around. Buffy knew how this guy worked, read the files over and over til her eyes went wonky and her brain functions seized. She knew him inside out and she knew how intrigued and obsessed he got with puzzles and tricks and things he couldn't have or couldn't solve. She needed to be one of those things, needed his attention, fully and completely. He had to trust her, he had to want to tell her what she needed to know without her pushing too hard.

"Hey" she said as casually as she could, taking the stool beside him, just like the other night, she noticed they were on the exact same two seats as then "I was hoping I would see you again" she told him as his eyes drank her in. It was discomforting and thrilling at the same time, the way he looked at her, the fact that his eyes were a certain kind of blue that she didn't have a name for.

"Why?" she heard him ask as she watched his fingers turn his glass around and around on the bar, it didn't seem he was even aware he was doing it, maybe some kind of nervous twitch she wondered. 

"I wanted us to talk" she shrugged "things didn't go quite how I planned the other day" she told him all too truthfully. He smirked and for a split second she wondered if he knew everything, if he'd been waiting for her to come and talk to him again just so he could deal with her in his own way.

"You mean when I told you to leave me alone?" he asked rhetorically and it didn't occur to her to answer him, she was far to busy being relieved. He offered her a drink and she absently nodded her acceptance.

'Was he always like this?' she wondered as she observed him ordering their drinks from one of the barmen, the most natural of tasks to someone like him. 'Did the alcohol drive him to it, or did it drive him to the drink?' She'd find out, that and many other things, if it all went according to plan, and it would, she'd promised herself, and others, that very thing, and as in all things Buffy refused to fail.

"So..." she dragged out, desperate to avoid having to actually drink the vodka he'd bought for her.

"Spit it out, luv" she was prompted, "I haven't got all night" Spike said with a further smirk, and she no longer wondered at how this man held so much female attention so easily. He was way above average looking, she'd never allowed herself to think that before but she was thinking it now and there was nothing she could do to stop. 

For just a moment she was real and serious, a girl in a bar who liked a guy and wanted his attention, but only for a second before she was back to the job in hand. No time for daydreams and fantasies, especially not where he was concerned.

"Tell me about yourself" she said, taking a small sip of her vodka and looking carefully at his body language as he in turn looked upon her. He visibly tensed at her question, just for a moment, if she'd have blinked she would have missed it, but there it was, she was trained to notice things like that.

"Don't think there's much you'd care to hear, pet" he said after a while, looking away from her gaze, something that relieved and disappointed her at the same time, half of which she felt guilty for "Certainly not much I want to tell" he added more quietly, and Buffy inwardly cursed. He had to open up to her, she knew there must be a way to make that happen.

"So, you won't talk to me" she reasoned "Will you dance with me?" she tried, it wouldn't do much good in making him talk and divulge his secrets, but it would bring them closer, physically, and hopefully that could lead to them being closer emotionally, all he had to do was feel comfortable with her.

"I don't dance" he said flatly, almost nastily, but she was not offended, she knew better.

"You don't talk, you don't dance" she sighed in annoyance, some real, some added for effect "...what do you do?" 

Again there was a long silence as he looked at her, and she absently wondered what he thought he saw when he looked into her eyes, when he studied her so carefully. Her mind wandered into dangerous territory as she considered what he might think of her.

"Not much thats of any use that's what I do" he finally answered her question "and yourself?" he added, finishing off another drink and she couldn't help the smile that curved her lips. He was at least a little interested in her, and that was all she needed for now, a little would go a long way.

"If you mean for a job, I'm a waitress" she lied as smoothly as before, her fake employment, her fake last name, it had been ingrained into her mind as much as the details of this mans life, it came so easy to her to just re-iterate what she was supposed to be. She was an actor in a play and she'd learnt her lines well, how well did he know his was the question now?

"Why?" she was surprised by that, not entirely sure what he meant and momentarily thrown by the look in his eyes, inquisitive as a child but demanding as the man he was supposed to be. She needed time to process what he meant and come up with an answer.

"Why, what?" she asked lamely and she worried when he was silent, when his eyes covered her completely, burning her from top to toe as his gaze travelled up and down as if he were looking for something he could only find right there in her. Determined not to be outdone she did the same to him and was ashamed to say she liked what she saw, he was more than she realised, every part was gorgeous, and a despicable part of her longed to know if what she couldn't see was as breathtaking.

"I don't know" she barely heard him say, neither her question nor his were relevant anymore. There eyes and hearts and souls seemed to speak every word, because despite the fact she knew she shouldn't, Buffy was thrilled to know there was only her in this whole club that Spike wanted to look at, only her he wanted to pay his attention to. 

It was a good sign for the mission, but she had to admit, way down deep inside somewhere, behind the exterior of her job and her act, the neglected woman in her was thrilled just for herself. She was going to have to be careful about this and if she had any sense at all she'd give it all up, let someone else deal with the case, but he was her project to deal with, and he'd be even more than that. As dangerous of a game as it was for her to play, she wanted him to be simply hers.

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To Be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3

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A/N : First off I want to thank those that reviewed; Mita427, SouthernRain, wicked-angel3, MaidenRo, Rachel. I appreciate the comments and support. Second, I'm not sure if this fic is going to work out how I planned, I don't like to abandon fics so I'm going to do my best with it but it is different to what I usually write and I think it's gonna get pretty intense later and I'm not sure how well I'm going to be able to get the ideas onto the page/screen...oh well, we'll see how it goes. In the meantime, here's the latest chapter...

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(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 3

Spike was almost certain that the hands on the clock behind the bar had a mind of their own. Every night he sat in that same seat, drowning his sorrows and painful memories with wave after wave of crystal clear alcohol, that clock moved as slowly as it were possible to go. There were times when Spike wondered if it stopped altogether, just to taunt him.

Tonight had been so different. Just sitting there, talking to this girl he'd met just once before, being, not comfortable exactly but, less on edge, as they found one or two things they had in common and a whole menagerie of interesting things that they didn't. The time slipped through his fingers like sand and before he had a chance to check the clock again, the club was emptying out.

How it had gotten so late without him noticing he couldn't understand at all, and the strange thing was he didn't remember drinking all that much, and he had certainly laughed more than once. He was unsure whether he should feel guilty or not for that, but the greatest part of his mind was far to occupied with the task of figuring out what it was about this girl that so intrigued him, that he really had little time or inclination to consider anything else.

"I'm closing up now, kids" he heard the clubs owner say to them from behind the bar "time to go home"

"Kids?" Buffy commented with a slight laugh "Long time since I've been called that...very long time since it was true" she added almost bitterly. Spike could sympathise with that thought, not that he missed being a child, he'd hardly had the best time growing up but still, to have that innocence back would be a wonderful thing, he was sure. 

Suddenly noticing the frown on her face Spike decided not to dwell on his own problems and to at least take a little of the bad feeling away from her.

"Come on now pet, you can't be that old?" he said, eyeing her as if trying to calculate her years "I'm surprised they even serve you booze without asking for ID" he smirked as she blushed, though part of him wondered when his complimentary side had come to the surface again, he was pretty sure that had disappeared nearly six months ago, when she had...

"Flattery will get you everywhere" Buffy told him with a smirk of her own, despite the fact she was going a pretty shade of dark pink. Spike did not smile at that. To her it was a joke but what it alluded to, he knew all too well what she meant. It took that little spark of fun away, made everything serious again, reminded him of things he'd been fighting so hard to forget.

"Don't make promises that won't be kept luv" he said more harshly than perhaps he should have, she hadn't meant any harm "I learnt that one the hard way" he added sharply. 

There was a pause before Buffy spoke again and he knew without looking at her that she wasn't smiling anymore.

"You can't keep promises?" she asked, carefully. He shrugged in response as he turned to face her again.

"Don't know anymore" he admitted "Been a while since I made any"

"Well, how about I make you one" she smiled a smile that illuminated her entire face, like a Christmas tree in a dark room. Without even registering the fact Spike found himself smiling too, her light was so infectious it could even banish a little of his unpenetrable darkness, but just a very little.

"Like what?" he asked, intrigued against his better judgement.

"I promise" Buffy declared, somewhat dramatically, "that I'm not lying when I tell you I had a very nice time tonight and that I'd like to see you again...if you'd like to see me" she ended much more quietly than she'd begun, looking like a little lost child as the bar in front of her seemed to become the most interesting thing in the world. Her hair fell forward and hid her face from his view.

Unable to resist the urge, he reached out a hand to push the blonde strands back behind her ear and she turned her head and smiled a little as he did so.

"I'd love to see you again, pet" he admitted as his fingers lingered near her cheek, but he knew he could never hurt this girl, not like he'd hurt his last princess. He brought his hand away sharply, and looked down "but if you really knew me, you wouldn't..."

"Spike" she interrupted, demanding his attention back and getting it immediately, mostly because he was shocked by her outburst "please" she implored him "give me a chance to get to know you. I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time" she looked surprised at her own words, he noticed, and he had to admit he was too, not just by her own declaration but by the fact he felt the need to agree.

"Me too" he admitted, almost wishing it wasn't true. It'd be so much easier if he could just walk away and forget about this girl, but she had some hold on him that he couldn't even begin to explain.

"Then take a chance" she dared him "Live dangerously"

Oh if only she knew how dangerously he had lived, did still in a way.

"Danger often leads to pain" he told her, knowing all too well that it was true, he had experience when it came to both the danger and its painful consequences.

"I'm not afraid" she said, chin tilted upwards "are you?"

"No" he lied, his heart and mind both reminding him he was truly petrified as one screamed and the other beat about ten times faster than was healthy. Taking a risk on his own was one thing, risking this girl's best interest was quite another.

"Come on guys, move it along" the club owner urged them, and as Spike looked around he realised they were in fact the last two customers left in the room "You must have homes to go to" the older man commented as they nodded and got to their feet. They were quickly ushered out of the main doors. The night air was cold and crisp, but Spike barely noticed as he watched the girl beside him fasten her jacket against the chilling breeze. She smiled when she noticed him watching her and asked;

"Will you walk me home?"

How long had it been, Spike wondered, since he'd last done something so simple and innocent as walk a girl to her door. Too long, was the answer he came up with, as he dared to take her hand in his, that and a simple nod forming the answer to her question. 

And did he feel ridiculous? Walking from the club to this girls house in the black of night, holding hands with her like a love-struck teen? Well, yeah, a little bit, but mostly he just felt so strangely at ease.

With no idea of where he was going to, it seemed that having hold of her hand had not been a bad plan and she certainly didn't seen to mind. All too soon though, her fingers slipped away and he realised that the apartment block they stood before now must be where her home was.

"I'll see you soon?" she asked shyly as she faced him by the doors. 

Inwardly cursing himself for being such a fool, Spike nodded his agreement.

"Same time, same place, suit you?" he checked, never taking his eyes from hers, though he wasn't completely sure why.

"Next week? It's a date" she smiled sweetly and his heart almost melted. If walking a girl home felt strange, arranging a date was even more so.

"Yeah, I s'pose it is" he nodded slowly, there faces somehow just inches apart by now.

"Goodnight Spike" she practically whispered, and he felt her words more than heard them. The main thought in his head was the wonder of what might happen if he kissed her right now, but his willpower was stronger than that and he stepped away.

"Goodnight Buffy" he said softly as he turned away, there was no way he was going to break her heart, not for anything in the world, though a part of him truly wished he had kissed her anyway.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Though she knew it was crazy, Buffy had done very little acting the past couple of hours. Her job should require her to lie and be constantly alert, but in the company of this man, who's real name she knew to be William Blood without him ever having told her, she found the truth was just fine most of the time and that she was as comfortable as she ever could be with anyone.

The time past all too quickly and it was with some concern that she realised she hadn't gotten anywhere close to the information she needed from him. On the other hand he did seem to be much less snappy and a little more relaxed in her presence and that was a good start. 

There were moments when, as guilty as it made her feel, Buffy had to admit she had genuinely smiled and enjoyed herself, and other times when he'd look at her a certain way, sending delicious tingles through her entire being. Right now was one of those times, but the moment was all too quickly broken by the owner of the establishment in which they now sat.

"I'm closing up now, kids" he smiled "time to go home"

Buffy tried not to laugh at the phrasing. If only he knew how far from being kids they really were. What he'd done, what she was doing, so far from the innocence of children.

"Kids? Long time since I've been called that..." she commented "very long time since it was true" she looked own sadly at her hands, a part of her wishing it was simply that they were in their teens and out on a date as they probably appeared. If this were such an ordinary night out she wouldn't feel so bad for the feelings this man evoked in her just by a glance or a word.

"Come on now pet, you can't be that old" he told her, clearly thinking her sudden silence and frown were about her number of years rather than her real situation that he knew nothing of "I'm surprised they even serve you booze without asking for ID"

"Flattery will get you everywhere" she smirked, without thinking about what she was saying or whom she was saying it to, it just slipped out of her mouth and then it was far too late to take back.

"Don't make promises that won't be kept luv" he warned her in a low voice that made her shudder "I learnt that one the hard way"

She knew all about what he had learnt and how, that was why she was here, in this dreadful scenario, finding herself attracted to a man that should be nothing more than a project to her, less than a human being if what he'd supposedly done was true.

"You can't keep promises?" she asked, not knowing what else to say and determined to keep the conversation flowing.

"Don't know anymore" came his response, complete with shrug of shoulders "Been a while since I made any" he told her.

"Well, how about I make you one" she said with more confidence than she felt, glad when he asked her what she meant, "I promise" she said matter-of-factly "that I'm not lying when I tell you I had a very nice time tonight and that I'd like to see you again..." she said, losing all her confidence as his blue eyes bored into her "if you'd like to see me" she finished much more quietly than she'd begun, feeling suddenly self-conscious, which was not something she was used to feeling, even around men. There was a long and dreadful pause as she kept her eyes down, hiding slightly behind her hair. Another delightful shiver shot through her as his fingers reached out and moved her hair back behind her ear. A simple gesture, but so carefully and gently done, Buffy marvelled at how such a man could ever have done what she'd been convinced he must have...

"I'd love to see you again, pet" he said softly, before looking away with a slight frown "but if you really knew me, you wouldn't..."

"Spike" she interrupted him, quite annoyed at his abundance of self-loathing, the one thing she saw in him that seemed to prove his guilt "please, give me a chance to get to know you" she practically begged, for more than one reason if the truth be told "I feel more comfortable with you than I have with anyone in a long time" she insisted, surprising herself as she realised not a part of that sentence was a lie.

"Me too" he agreed and both her 'girl on a mission' half and her 'lonely single woman' half were glad to hear it.

"Then take a chance" she implored him, knowing he could not refuse a challenge "Live dangerously"

"Danger often leads to pain" he said from that experience she knew only too well that he had. The conflicting sides within him were what made for the conflicting sides within herself, if only things had stayed clear as they were the first time they'd met...

"I'm not afraid" she lied, tilting her chin towards the ceiling to further convince him as well as herself "are you?" she asked him, knowing he would deny it even if he were.

"No" came the instant answer as she knew it would, their 'moment' all too soon interrupted by the club owner again. He urged them to hurry up and leave, which they finally did. 

Stopping right outside the front doors and she pulled the zipper right up on her jacket to block out the cold night air that made her shiver in a less pleasant way. When she turned to look at him, she found him staring at her with a slight smile on his lips that she found she was pleased to see.

"Will you walk me home?" she asked, mentally kicking herself before the words were even fully out of her mouth. What was she? Twelve years old? Besides, taking a man that was most probably a dangerous criminal and showing him where she lived? Buffy just could not believe what an idiot she was...but all that melted away as from the corner of her eye she saw him nod and felt him slip his hand around hers.

They walked in almost total silence, the need for words seemed to have vanished as soon as their hands had touched. Far from being an awkwardly quiet situation, Buffy found herself feeling more untroubled and strangely natural than she had felt for a long time.

As they arrived outside the apartment block where she lived, she knew she had to let go and walk away. Her fingers slipped from his and she turned to face him, feeling decidedly like she had in High School after her first big date.

"I'll see you soon?" she asked, more quietly than she'd intended to, pleased when he nodded in response.

"Same time, same place, suit you?" he checked and she congratulated herself on a job well done. He clearly wanted to see her again, liked her enough to want to get to know her better and that was what was required in her mission. What worried her was why she was starting to feel bad about that...

"Next week? It's a date" she agreed with a smile, realising it really was like a date and not at all how it was suppose to be.

By the time she said goodnight to him their lips were just inches apart and she had no doubt he had noticed too. The stupid, naive little girl that still lived deep inside her longed for him to lean in just that little bit further and kiss her, just once, but it had to be him that did it, not her. She couldn't make the first move, he had to do that.

"Goodnight, Buffy" she heard him say, disappointment flowing through her as she watched him turn and walk away. The black of his clothes meant he would have disappeared from view all too quickly but that bright blond hair of his was unmistakable even when he was quite a distance from her.

Buffy sighed. She was an idiot, she was naive and stupid, she needed to pull herself together and do her job, she told herself sternly as she climbed the stairs to her apartment...but above all else, she really wished he had kissed her tonight.

__

To Be Continued...


	4. Chapter 4

A/N : Had the next chapter of this half-done for a while but I got caught up with my new fic 'Our Little Secret'. Still, here's chapter 4 and I'm going to try to update 'Life's Full Of Surprises' next and then 'Our Little Secret' again, although that may not all go according to plan! Thanx to Courtney37, wicked-angel3, Rachel, MaidenRo for reviewing this fic. Here is more...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 4

Here they were again, sitting beside each other by the bar of the same club. Spike couldn't believe how panicked he'd been about tonight. He'd actually spent time thinking about his appearance and such before he'd headed out to meet his 'date'. It sounded ridiculous in his own head, that he was on a date after all this time and all that had happened, but it was real and truly happening to him.

He'd arrived early, taken his usual stool and ordered two drinks in preparation for when Buffy arrived. She was just a minute or two behind him and her smile lit up the room when she saw him. There was a warmth that her smile created in Spike's heart that he didn't ever remember feeling before, not even before what had happened...

"Hi" she'd said shyly as she took the stool beside him and he cursed himself as his voice came out almost equally as soft. He had no idea how or why this girl could reduce him into such an idiot poofter, but there was just something about her that he couldn't describe, an essence, a quality, something he'd never seen before in anyone else and knew he never would again.

They started to talk about general things, the weather and the crowd at the club and such, and it was soon just like the night before, comfortable and easy, and like they'd known each other forever. Several hours passed and Spike barely noticed, despite the fact it was one of the only occasions that he could remember spending so long at a bar without leaving completely hammered.

Still it was getting late and the club was starting to empty out. As they finished their latest drinks, the unlikely pair had decided they should probably leave too. As Buffy hopped off her stool, Spike picked up her jacket for her and helped her into it. She turned to smile and thank him, putting her body just a couple of inches from his, and again he had that overwhelming urge to kiss her. Closing his eyes so he did not have to look at hers he reminded her they were supposed to be leaving and he heard a small sigh escape her lips as she turned and headed for the exit. Had she wanted him to kiss her? Spike wondered absently as he followed her out into the night, not as cold and bitter as it had seemed the week before, but by no means warm.

An awkward silence surrounded them as they watched the other patrons of the Bronze disappear towards their own homes. How did one end a date these days? Spike wondered, he knew he shouldn't even think of it as a date, that he did not deserve to find any kind of happiness or have any kind of connection to such a perfect woman as this, but he couldn't help it.

"So..." Buffy dragged out, and Spike knew she was waiting for him to say or do something.

"Er...you want me to walk you home again?" he offered, half of him dreading her answer being negative, the other positive. The first would mean she was about to walk away from him and his heart didn't want that, whilst his head knew that for the sake of his sanity he should never lay eyes on her again. The second would make for a pleasant walk but an awkward moment when they said goodnight...

"How about I walk you home" she smiled a smile that meant it was almost a challenge, he suspected.

"That's...progressive" he smiled back, almost laughing. She was something all right. Every time he thought he'd figured her out she'd say something to surprise him. Of course he knew he was equally as capable of shocking her, but not so pleasantly...

"Just call me Little Miss Modern" she continued to grin as she held out her hand for him to take. Shaking the nasty thoughts from his mind, Spike took her hand in his and squeezed her fingers before leading her to the building in which he lived.

The whole way there he was aware of her eyes, flitting up to look at him every so often. He didn't dare look at her for fear of making eye contact and wanting to surrender to feelings that he knew would only lead to heartache for both of them.

For a man to love a woman was the most natural thing in the world, but he was not a man anymore, he was a monster, and if she knew that...she wouldn't be walking with him like this now, her tiny hand nestled inside his larger one, putting a large amount of trust in him.

He wished, in that moment, beneath the moon and the stars, this beautiful woman walking beside him, having faith in him, he wished more than anything that this could be his life, his real life. He wished they were in love and that he were as innocent and free as she made him feel. He wished he'd have met her oh so many years ago and that they could have had all this happiness he wanted her to have.

He wished for a few moments that he could tell her everything that had happened to him and that she wouldn't run away in disgust. If wishes were horses then beggars would ride, his mother used to say, just one more innocent lost to the other side...

---------------

They soon came to an abrupt halt outside the main doors of his building and Spike snapped out of his haze of thoughts. He looked down at Buffy, this little tiny blonde girl that filled his head and heart so much, and who had done it so fast it made his head spin just to think about it. She smiled and in that split second he made a decision that his better judgement knew was wrong. He didn't let go of her hand and say goodnight. He kept a hold on her fingers and asked;

"You want to come in for a coffee or something?"

For a second she looked uncertain and then she slowly nodded and smiled once more. He let go of her hand, only to open the door for her like a gentleman should. She thanked him as she went into the building and he followed her, wondering what would happen next and if he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life...

It was a strange feeling, Buffy noted, as she made the journey from her home to the Bronze where Spike should be waiting for her by now. She was going on a date, something she did less often than most women of her age. Even in High School dating had not been a major event in her social life, in all honesty she hadn't had much of a social life at all. She was attractive enough, so she'd been told, but the guys that asked her out...they were shallow, it was the only word she could think of to describe them. Any boy she might have liked to know better stayed away from her, afraid of what she might do. She had quite the reputation of violence when it came to those shallow men that chose to hit on her. Her self defence skills were always something she'd taken great pride in. She almost laughed as she wondered at how feminine Spike made her feel, how small and girl-ish but in a protected and sweet kind of way that wasn't patronising or scary in the least.

Suddenly Buffy realised she was at the entrance to the club where the very man she thought of should be waiting. As she came into the building she saw him immediately, on the same seat that he had been every other night. In spite of herself she smiled at the sight of him, thinking of the date like qualities of the evening again, the important job she should be doing slipping momentarily from her mind. It was almost frightening how easily she could forget what he really was, or at least what he was supposed to be. An evil thing, almost soulless and definitely a monster. One look into those baby blue eyes of his, and she just found it so hard to believe.

Taking the stool beside him, she murmured a greeting and thanked him for the drink he'd already got for her. Conversation took a little while to start but was soon in full flow and again Buffy's mind wandered from the point of the evening as they talked of places they'd seen, people they'd known, a whole menagerie of topics.

By the time the clock said it was time to go, Buffy was almost loathed to call it a night, partly because she hadn't got any new and useful information for her case, but also because she just wanted more time with him, more time to bask in the blue of his eyes and the warmth of his smile.

He held out her jacket to her as she stood up, helping her to ease her arms into the sleeves. As she turned to softly thank him, she found herself too close for his comfort, but not for hers. There was fear in his eyes, she saw it all too clearly and she sighed, knowing he did not yet trust her as he must. It was annoying that one moment she thought she was really getting somewhere with this guy and the next she realised he might as well be a million miles away for all the progress she was making. Of course the thing that actually annoyed her more, though she knew it shouldn't, was that in that moment she believed he might actually kiss her, and he didn't.

Outside the air was cold, but less piercing than the week before. An awkward silence hung over the pair as they stood by the exit and looked out into the night, neither knowing what to say or do for the best. All Buffy knew for sure was she didn't want the evening to end like this. She needed him to want to see her again, to want to trust her if he could.

"So..." she drew out the word, prompting him, she hoped not too obviously, that now would be the time to say he liked her or at least that he wanted to arrange another 'date'.

"Er...you want me to walk you home again?" he stumbled over the words, suddenly awkward and with a child-like innocence that surely wouldn't be possible if he were what she'd been told to believe of him.

"How about I walk you home" she offered with a smile. He'd seen where she lived, if she saw his home it made them even, and despite the fact it was so very childish she wanted to have the same advantage on him that he had on her. Of course she'd seen the building where he lived, walked passed it a hundred times knowing it was the address in the file she'd read over and over, but it was different now, he was different. There was a part of her mind that separated the evil man she read of in that file and the one that stood before her now. It was almost impossible to believe that this man was that monster.

"That's...progressive" he smiled back at her, an answer to the question she'd almost forgotten she'd asked as her mind raced with mixed-up thoughts about him.

"Just call me Little Miss Modern" she said, holding out her hand for him to take and praying he didn't see that it shook with a mixture of nerves and excitement.

They walked in silence, his fingers wrapped around hers, making her feel things that shouldn't be possible from just holding a persons hand, but he had something over her, some kind of power. That should have scared her, given what she knew about his past, but it didn't and that was what she couldn't understand...unless she was falling.

'I can't be' she told herself, eyes flicking up to look at him for the briefest second before returning to the ground. How could she allow her heart to be slowly stolen by such a man as this, someone she should loath and despise and...oh, but when he looked at her like that, she couldn't even slightly dislike him, just wanted him to kiss her so badly it was almost physically painful.

There they stood now, outside his apartment block, beneath the light of just the almost full moon and the stars. It was romantic, it was perfect, or it would be if they were different people. Innocent people, young and free and on that date that it felt like it ought to be, but the purity of youth had escaped them both and the night wasn't perfect as it should be. It was tainted, never to be truly clean, but still the haze of the wish hung around in her mind.

"You want to come in for a coffee or something?" Spike mumbled, making her mind freeze and her body tense just for a second. Walking into the lions den. Maybe there were answers to be found in there but his request only served to remind her why she was really here and what he was really supposed to be.

He flinched when her smile fell and she immediately put it back, fake as it was this time as she nodded her head once. She couldn't hurt him, had to make it look as if she trusted him, but no acting was required when he looked into her eyes and smiled back.

'Who could not trust a man like this?' she wondered as he let go of her hand to open the door for her. She thanked him as she slid passed into the building, wondering if she'd done the right thing in accepting his invitation or had she just made the biggest mistake of her life...

To Be Continued...


	5. Chapter 5

A/N : I tend to write these chapters over a longer period of time, kind of in the background whilst I'm writing quicker updates for 'Our Little Secret' and 'Life's Full Of Surprises', so suddenly new chapter of this just show up! Anyway, thanks to SouthernRain, wicked-angel3, MaidenRo (twice!), Rachel, Ahna the Bloody, sunnyhell, Halo for the reviews on this. Oh, Halo you asked how old Buffy is in this, I see her as early to mid twenties, I think I mentioned Spike being twenty-five back in the first or second chapter, anyway I hope that helps you. I am also updating 'Life's Full of Surprises' tonight!

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 5

'What am I doing?' Spike mentally kicked himself as he opened the door and led Buffy into his apartment. In all honesty, he had no idea why he'd invited her into his home, except for the fact that he just didn't want to have to watch her walk away from him yet. Somehow, everything felt less dark and oppressive when she was around.

He hung his coat on the back of the chair and threw his keys on the table, watched her put her purse down too as she looked around his apartment. She looked thoughtful as she wandered over to the window and looked out, and all he could think about was how beautiful she was just standing there...

"Wow, you have a great view from here" she commented, he heard her from the kitchen, and flicking on the kettle, he came to stand behind her, looking out across the town.

"Higher you go the better it looks" he told her, eyes focused out through the glass, mind floating off to a different place "Sometimes I sit out on the roof, at midnight when its quiet and still, and there's a full moon out" he continued, not noticing that she turned around to face him instead of the window "You can't hear the traffic from up there, don't get the light from the streetlamps. It's just you and the night and the view" he didn't mention what he thought about in that stillness, didn't tell her that his heart felt darker than even the night could be, but then it didn't when she was there...

"Sounds beautiful" she all but whispered and he was suddenly very aware of their position as his eyes shifted down and met hers, their bodies barely an inch or two apart.

"It is..." he replied just as softly "so are you" he added without thinking. Usually every phrase, every word was carefully planned, as was every action, for fear of consequences that he could not control. The past had made him fear himself, but she did not seem to fear him at all. How easy would it be for him to just lean down and kiss those lips that looked so inviting right now. There was a dangerous second when he considered it, but something shifted in her eyes that made him stop.

"Y'know, maybe I should skip the coffee" she said, looking away "it's late" she added as she side-stepped him and walked over to the table to pick up her purse.

"I'm sorry" he said as he turned around too. She looked at him strangely then.

"For what?" she asked and he realised he wasn't really sure what he was apologising for. Was it for what he's almost done with her, or was it for what he'd done to another before?

"Don't know really" he admitted, watching the pattern on the carpet instead of her face "nothing, everything" his voice disappeared completely as his mind went elsewhere, back to a time when words like sorry were even more useless, further back before he really knew what it meant.

"Y'know this is such a guy's apartment" he heard her say and his head shot up fast at the sudden and strange comment. He watched as she put her purse back on the table and proceeded to walk past him into the main part of the room, looking around and taking in the whole place.

"Well, I was a bloke last time I checked luv" he said as casually as he could, inside his mind racing, wishing he knew what was going on in that head of hers, of course it would probably help if he knew what he himself were thinking before he started second-guessing her "Thought you were leaving?" he said cautiously, half frightened that she might actually change her mind and go and half that she really would stay and be a temptation for him.

"I changed my mind" she shrugged her shoulders and smiled a little. She was such a mystery to him, such a strange combination of a woman and a child when she looked at him that way...

"Coffee then?" he checked and she nodded.

"Yes, thankyou" she answered, but he didn't move yet, just stood and watched as she turned from him to look around his home again "Definitely needs a woman's touch in here" she mused, running her hand along the bookshelf beside her, the shelf where the picture used to be...

"I don't like people messing with my stuff" Spike snapped, more than he meant to, but every time he thought he could be normal something served to remind him of why he wasn't.

"That's a very possessive attitude" she commented as she followed him back to the small kitchen.

"Maybe it is" he agreed as he got out the coffee and milk "just the way I am is all"

"So, no-one else ever lived with you?" she asked his back, he could feel her eyes watching his every move from the doorway and he felt a fool for noticing that his hands were shaking "Don't you get lonely?" she pressed, and he wished she'd just let the subject go.

"I like to be alone" he replied softly, turning sharply to add "present company excepted, of course" with a smile that was not at all fake when he looked at her.

"I never lived with anyone either" she shook her head "well, except for my parents when I was a kid obviously" he smiled along with her, coffee momentarily forgotten as he got lost in her eyes and her light laughter.

"Figured you for the type that'd have the perfect set up" he commented "Decent bloke, decent job, and dreams of 2.4 kids and white picket fences" the smile fell from his face as he turned himself back around, hiding his face on the pretext of making the drinks he'd originally intended to.

She used to dream like that, they made plans together of how it might be one day, now he'd never live that way, all rainbows and happy endings, it would never be that way for him, and it was far to late for her.

"Sometimes I dream like that" he heard Buffy answer "but it's not real. Life isn't like that"

"No, it isn't" Spike replied so quietly he barely heard himself as he reached for the cups, his mind wandering back again, to days when he used to dare to dream, days before the darkness settled over his life, before the rose wilted and he got lost amongst the thorns...

There was a crash as china hit tiled flooring and shards skittered across the surface. Buffy screamed in alarm and Spike spun round to look at her with a panicked expression. Her hand covered her chest and she breathed deeply as their eyes met.

"Sorry" she gulped in oxygen "it startled me" she said, almost nervously he noticed and silently he shook his head as he sunk to his knees to pick up the debris.

"Sure it's that?" he asked, looking up at her. She looked like she didn't understand what he meant, but he was sure she must. Leaving the shattered cup behind he got to his feet and advanced on her "Do I make you nervous?"

"A little" her voice wavered as she answered him, and he put himself right in front of her "You want me to be afraid of you?" she asked and he hated that he'd made her even think that for a second. He closed his eyes and sighed, wondering what on earth he thought he was doing.

"Dunno" he admitted "Some people are. Maybe you should be" his reply tailed off as he looked down on her again, bright innocent eyes staring back at him, the child behind the woman again "Maybe it'd be best if you just left" he added sadly, turning back and bending down to pick up the broken crockery again. There was silence as he cleared the mess and he knew she was watching him, hadn't moved at all. As he finished the job and turned around to see her standing there still as he knew she was, he opened his mouth to ask her why she hadn't left but her words came out first.

"I thought we were going to have coffee" she said, somewhat sadly he thought.

He shook his head before replying;

"I only had two cups..." it was a poor excuse despite the fact it were true, but he was so afraid of what could happen to her if she got involved with a guy like him. He followed her back to the table where she'd left her purse and then to the door. He opened it for her, looking down at the floor as he waited for her to leave.

"I'm sorry" she practically whispered and he wondered what exactly she was apologising for, whatever it was, he wouldn't let her take the blame.

"It's not your fault pet" he told her without looking up. She slipped out of the door and he closed it behind her with a sigh "it's my fault" he whispered "it's always mine"

- - - - - - - - -

Buffy wondered at her own ability to lie or at least conceal the truth of what she really felt. A million thoughts and feelings were flying through her mind as she crossed the threshold into Spike's apartment. It was not exactly how she pictured it, fairly tidy for a guys apartment but still obviously without feminine influence. He walked towards the kitchen and she wondered if she should follow. Deciding she needed just a moment to breathe she went towards the window and looked out across the town.

"Wow, you have a great view from here" she commented as casually as she could, trying to forget for a moment where she was, in the lion's den. A voice not unlike one of her superior officers told her she could probably do more good from the inside, the belly of the beast, but wouldn't that mean that she'd been swallowed already?

"Higher you go the better it looks" she heard his voice behind her, felt him standing close and she shivered involuntarily as she listened to him talk "Sometimes I sit out on the roof, at night when its quiet and still, you can't hear the traffic from up there, don't get the light from the streetlamps. It's just you and the night and the view" he painted such a pretty picture, put her so at ease, she didn't think about what she was doing by turning around until she came face to face with him, their bodies almost touching.

"Sounds beautiful" she said much more quietly than she intended to, finding it hard to breathe as he looked into her eyes.

"It is...so are you" he all but whispered, and Buffy knew precisely what he was thinking, the same thing she was, it would be so easy for him to kiss her now and a large part of her really wished he'd just take a chance, but he didn't. As disappointed as she was, a part of her was also relived, how deep did she really want to get in with this guy, knowing what she did about him?

"Y'know, maybe I should skip the coffee" she mumbled, eyes shooting down to her shoes "it's late" she added as she pushed past him and grabbed her purse from the table, fully intending to bolt for the door...

"I'm sorry" she heard him say behind her and her hands stilled on the strap of her bag.

"For what?" she asked, not turning yet, heart hammering in her chest as she wondered what he might say, what he might admit. He was silent and she finally looked at him to see why he hadn't answered. She watched him as he stared down at his own shifting feet before finally glancing up at her and giving an answer.

"Don't know really" he shrugged "nothing, everything"

In that moment all she'd worried about evaporated and Buffy remembered why she'd originally agreed to come into this apartment. He wasn't the man from the file back at the office, he wasn't dangerous or criminal. On the outside he was the gorgeous, caring, though slightly mysterious man. On the inside, a frightened little boy.

Leaving her purse on the table, Buffy turned and walked a few steps, taking in the room and its contents.

"Y'know this is such a guy's apartment" she said eventually, managing to smile at him as they finally looked at each other again.

"Well" he said slowly "I was a bloke last time I checked luv"

She smiled genuinely then, glad of the relaxed feeling that came over her and liking the fact it seemed he felt it too.

"Thought you were leaving?" he asked, a scarred eyebrow raised. She shrugged her shoulders and tried to look the picture of innocence.

"I changed my mind" she told him and he accepted her answer with a nod and not a hint of hesitation.

"Coffee then?" he asked and she nodded once, before turning back to survey the room. He was looking at her in that way again, the way that made the word fade out til they were the only two there. The way that made her want him so badly...

"Definitely needs a woman's touch in here" she mused as she looked around, running her hand along a shelf that looked like it needed dusting.

"I don't like people messing with my stuff" he snapped and she jumped a little at the suddenness and severity of his voice.

"That's a very possessive attitude" she commented as she dared to follow him into the kitchen, wondering why his mood has suddenly changed so much. She'd hit a nerve, she knew she should carefully dig deeper.

"Maybe it is" he agreed as she watched him take the coffee from the cupboard and the milk from the refrigerator "just the way I am is all"

"So, no-one else ever lived with you" she pressed, knowing she was treading on thin ice "Don't you get lonely?"

"I like to be alone" she barely heard his answer "present company excepted, of course" he smiled slightly as he turned to look at her.

"I never lived with anyone either" Buffy shrugged, keeping her eyes away from his, "well, except for my parents when I was a kid obviously" she rolled her eyes at how dumb she must have sounded, but she was nervous, unsure whether it was because she was deceiving him or just because she liked him so much.

"Figured you for the type that'd have the perfect set up" she heard him say, daring to look up at him as she realised she couldn't avoid eye contact forever, not if this was all going to go according to plan "Decent bloke, decent job, and dreams of 2.4 kids and white picket fences" he smirked at his own words before his expression grew darker and he turned away from her. She frowned.

"Sometimes I dream like that, but it's not real" she sighed, "Life isn't like that" she felt sick as his grim look served to remind her life would never be that way, especially not with this man.

She was so caught up in her thoughts, so on edge and nervous, when the china cup hit the floor and shattered, the scream had escaped her throat before her brain even engaged. He turned to her with a questioning look as she breathed deeply and tried to stay calm but he looked at her like he was hurt or even angered by her over-reaction.

"Sorry, it startled me" she said quietly, desperate to stop herself from shaking as he walked towards her.

"Sure it's that?" he asked "Do I make you nervous?" his voice was low as he stood right in front of her and her mind argued with itself about whether she should stay or run. If he was what she was suppose to believe he was, she was taking a hell of a risk doing either.

"A little" she admitted with a quiver in her voice "You want me to be afraid of you?" she asked him, not sure which answer she wanted him to give, yes or no.

"Dunno" he said, the piercing blue of his gaze suddenly disappearing behind his eyelids, allowing her to breathe a little easier "Some people are" he told her, as she looked up at him, "maybe you should be"

She realised as he turned and walked back towards the shattered china on the floor, that he really believed she ought to be afraid, and as much as she knew he was right, she couldn't fear him, not really.

"Maybe it'd be best if you just left" he said from his position kneeling on the ground. It hurt that he couldn't even look at her now.

"But I thought we were going to have coffee" she said sadly and he shook his head, explaining that he only had two cups. She didn't question his poor excuse, deciding tonight had been confusing enough. She really needed to get away.

They stood by the front door, her hands fiddling with the strap of her purse as he opened the door for her and waited for her to leave. A part of her really didn't want to walk away.

"I'm sorry" she said, barely above a whisper, not sure precisely what she was apologising for. She didn't even hear him answer her, just heard the door click shut behind her and felt like something inside her lurch painfully at the thought he might be hurting as much as she was right now.

To Be Continued...


	6. Chapter 6

A/N : Okay, I think I did better with this chapter because there isn't so much repetition of events, but you do still get both POVs. Thanx to those who reviewed before; Steanne, Rachel, MaidenRo. It does mean a lot, especially since this a little different than what I usually write. Oh, and Steanne, Spike was thinking about the past and stuff he'd done and wasn't paying attention to what he was doing, hence the cup break-age in the last chapter. Here's the next part...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 6

It was a stupid idea, he realised as he arrived outside her building. What exactly was he going to say when he saw her? He wanted to apologise but he didn't know what for. He wanted to tell her the truth but knew he couldn't even begin. He wanted...he just wanted her. He knew if this was kindergarten he'd been pulling her hair and nicking her chocolate biscuit by now, but the innocence of children was so far from him now. As you grow up, emotions grow with you. Love and hate, attraction and revulsion. Things got more complicated, especially when it came to love, possibly the strongest emotion a person could feel, because it brought on a combination of almost every other emotion that existed at one time or other.

With a sigh he told himself to cut it out with the philosophical crap and just face the girl. Only she wasn't just a girl, she was so much more and there was no way he could even begin to figure out how he'd come to the conclusion that she was so special. He barely knew her and yet he felt as if they had been friends forever and always.

Before long he found himself asking a man on the stairs which apartment was hers. He didn't know the name but guessed from the description which girl he meant and directed him to apartment 20.

Spike knocked on the door, but got to answer. He tried again, though he knew the likelihood of her missing the first attempt was slim. He found himself to be more than a little disappointed when she wasn't there and he sighed aloud just as a kind looking old woman stepped out of her front door directly across the hall.

"She's probably at work dear" she smiled, "Comes and goes quite often" she explained.

"Oh, so you don't know when she might be back?" Spike frowned.

The old lady shook her head slightly before having an idea.

"Here" she smiled, handing him a piece of paper from her pocket. Spike eyed it suspiciously and the woman explained.

"I live alone, sometimes get myself in a fix and I have no-one to call. Bless her heart, the girl gave me her cellphone number, told me to call her whenever I needed a hand"

Spike got his own phone from his pocket and punched in the number from the paper saving it along with Buffy's name.

"Thanks a lot" he smiled as he gave back the paper and turned to leave. The old lady smiled too as she called after him.

"She's a sweet girl, you take care of her"

Spike dare not turn around again, hopelessly wondering if the woman would be so kind if she knew the truth. He was sure she would not.

- - - - - - - - -

Buffy physically jumped as her cellphone started to ring and she fished in her pocket for it. The screen read 'Unknown number' and with a frown she accepted the call and put the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she said cautiously.

"Buffy" said the voice on the other end of the line, the sound of it making her shiver, "It's me, Spike"

"Oh, hi" she replied, looking nervously at the closed door to the next room where her boss were preparing to talk to her. Cautiously she stood up and walked out of the building. "Er, how did you get my number?" she asked, a little worriedly as she stood outside the police station, speaking quietly as she could without Spike noticing, her heart hammering in her chest as she started to wonder if he knew everything. He could be across the street right now, watching her every move, waiting to...

"I wanted to apologise" he sighed, "I went over to your building, bloke there told me which apartment is yours but you were out. I think I must have looked as disappointed as I felt cos the lady from across the hall gave me your number so I could call you"

Buffy's heart melted at his words, she could just imagine his face as he spoke to her so softly and with such honesty. It should bother her that he had her cellphone number but it didn't. She should be concerned that he knew the exact location of her apartment, but she wasn't. All she really was, was pleased he'd called her. Despite her better judgement she found herself grinning about the fact that he'd wanted to call her up and apologise, though she wondered what he was saying sorry for...

"Luv? You still there?" she heard him ask, suddenly realising she'd been silent too long.

"I'm still here" she told him, glancing at her watch, "but I can't talk long, I have a meeting to go to"

"Waitresses have meetings?" he asked with a frown she could just imagine.

"Er, yeah, staff get-together thing, y'know what I mean" she rambled incoherently, mentally kicking herself for screwing up so badly. Sometimes she felt so comfortable talking to him she just forgot to lie, genuinely forgot that this was the same man that she discussed with work colleagues, calling him a monster and a criminal.

"So I should really go" she added fast, hoping she hadn't just blown the whole thing to hell.

"Oh yeah, well..." there was silence for a second as Buffy waited, holding her breath, wondering what he might say next, "I was wondering if I could see you, later today"

Buffy closed her eyes and exhaled. She really wanted to see him, and her job said that she kind of had to, but she knew if she saw him it could end badly again.

"Sure, we'll meet" she nodded unnecessarily, suddenly glancing up and having a thought, "You know where Weatherly Park is?"

"Yes luv, I know it well" came the reply and she smiled genuinely.

"Then I'll meet you there, the bench by the lake, in a couple of hours?" she tried, mentally calculating that her meeting shouldn't last much longer than a half hour giving her plenty of time to run home and change and still be in the park by two.

"It's a date, pet" he said and she swore he was smiling when he answered her, though of course she couldn't see, "I'll see you there"

"I'll see you" she replied in kind before suddenly yelling, "Oh and Spike!" she was glad when he replied, clearly not having had a chance to hang up yet, "The other night wasn't all your fault...I'm sorry too, that it didn't work out" she said, voice disappearing towards the end of the sentence as she realised just how frighteningly honest she was being.

"Thanks, pet" she heard him whisper, "Bye" and the phone went dead.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy stuffed the phone back in her pocket, adjusted her jacket and pushed the door to the police station open. She went back down the corridor and had just got back into the seat when the office door opened. She internally sighed as her senior officer invited her to join him in the other room, so glad to have made it back before he noticed she was gone. She was supposed to tell Finn everything that happened with her and 'William Blood' as was his given name, but she had missed out certain details. The incident in his apartment, had gone unmentioned, as would this recent phone call. She knew it was stupid, and she was not only jeopardising her job but her very life, messing around like this, but there was nothing she could do to stop herself.

Finn asked her the current status of the case, just as he had last week and the week before that. She handed over some notes she'd made and waited as he scanned through them. She waited for the outburst she knew would come.

"It's been over three weeks since first contact Summers" he complained "you must have more to report by now" he said, throwing the paper down on the desk and pacing the length of the room.

"That's all he's told me so far, sir" she said much more quietly than she would usually speak "if I push it he'll run, you told me that yourself"

"You shouldn't have to push too hard" the officer pointed out to her "just bring up the subject in conversation, over dinner at a nice restaurant or something"

"He hates what you call 'nice' restaurants" she rolled her eyes at that "they make him nervous" she added without thinking, all these little things she knew about him, she started to wonder, did he know this much about her? Had she been as careless with the truth as he was, about these little things that didn't seem important? She shook her head and brought herself back to he present and continued;

"Besides what do you want me to say?" she shrugged, gesturing emphatically as she play acted the scene "Hey Spike, this salmon is great, isn't the weather beautiful, and oh by the way have you murdered anyone in the past year or so?" she ended somewhat angrily at the stupid suggestion, as well as the unwelcome reminder of what she was really dealing with. Riley's face hardened.

"Don't get cocky and sarcastic with me, Summers" he almost yelled, slamming his hand down on the desk right in front of her "I won't take that from you, I'm still your superior"

"Yeah, maybe in terms of the force" she said, voice as sharp as steel and eyes like ice "but in no other way" she eyed him distastefully and he really started to lose his temper.

"You know you're only on this job because you look the part, no other reason" he told her nastily, she was on her feet in a second, hands flat on the table, leaning across as he was.

"Bull!" she yelled back "I got assigned to this job because people higher up in the force than you knew I could do it"

"O'Connor" he scoffed, turning away, knowing he was fighting a losing battle with her. Elizabeth Summers was a hell of a police officer but also a pain in the ass, made worse by the fact he'd wanted her for as long as he'd known her and knew he never stood a chance.

"That's Cheif InspectorO'Connor to you" she snapped, making for the door, but not actually opening it as he snapped back at her.

"And you too, just because he has a thing for you..."

"Don't you dare start with that" he was interrupted as she stormed over and got right up in his face "Angel and I used to be friends, now he's my boss, end of" she stopped when she realised he was less threatened by her actions and apparently more turned on. Shaking her head in frustration, she turned back towards the door. Riley's advances was the last thing she needed right now.

"I've told you everything I know so far" she said from the door, hand on the knob ready to make her getaway "so if you'll excuse me I have a date to get ready for, and if you're so eager to get information on your suspect you won't make me late" she opened the door but didn't quite step out as he called her name behind her, her real first name that was starting to sound unfamiliar to her.

"Elizabeth!"

"What?" she asked with an annoyed sigh.

"Be careful" he half-smiled, looking truly concerned.

She nodded once, knowing that for all the yelling, he really did care what happened to her.

"Always am" she promised as she left the room, knowing it was as big a lie as anything ever had been. She was falling in love with a man she was supposed to be sending to jail. She was doomed.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : For those that are interested - more of 'Our Little Secret' and 'Life's Full of Surprises' coming soon. In the meantime, reviews on this fic are most welcome! :-)


	7. Chapter 7

A/N : See, this fic didn't die, it's still alive and, well, maybe not kicking but wriggling a little bit. I got some more inspiration and wrote a new chapter, hopefully more will follow in due course but I do have Our Little Family and Your Big Day to write too so...I think I must be crazy. I promised myself after the last fiasco that I would never try to write and post three fics at once again, but here I am doing it! Oh well. Thanx to; SweetBitter, Rachel, wicked-angel3, MaidenRo, and spikeswife1, for the reviews and support. Sorry I made you wait so long! Here's more...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 7

Spike felt like a giddy schoolboy as he walked along the street towards Weatherly Park for his so-called date with Buffy. When he called her it had been to apologise, but of course neither he nor she really knew what it was he was saying sorry for. Nevertheless, she had forgiven him for the unknown factor and had agreed to meet him in the park. The two hours between that phone call and now had been hell, wondering what he should wear, what he should say to her, or even if he should show up at all! Would it not be easier on her if he left well alone, just stopped seeing her, but he knew deep within his heart and soul that he couldn't let her go. Despite all that he'd done, if she could believe in him, surely he could believe in himself, make himself into a good man. But she believed in a man that didn't exist, because she didn't know the truth yet. His past. All about _her_.

He had no idea what he was going to say. A small part of him reminded him of a cliched phrase his father used to use 'Honesty is the best policy', of course the bugger had been done for fraud soon after and that was only after they'd found out he was shagging both his secretaries!

Still, there was no way he could be one hundred percent honest with Buffy. Maybe that made him a coward but, he was so afraid of losing her. She was nothing like his other princess, blonde where she was dark, sun-kissed skin and bright eyes where his old lover had been pale as the china dolls she collected, eyes and hair almost raven black.

Comparing then seemed so wrong but Spike couldn't help it. He'd only ever loved one woman and now here was this other whom he felt he was falling just as hard for. Plummeting off the edge of a cliff with no net below to save him, just the jagged rocks and pain to greet him when it all went wrong, like it had before.

And what he feared most was her falling with him. At first it had seemed she liked his company as he enjoyed hers but the other night in his apartment, the look in her eyes on more than one occasion, he saw desire there like he'd never seen anywhere. He knew that when he longed to kiss her she felt something too. Though he knew the reason he always pulled back, he wondered what hers was, not daring to ask of course in case she turned it around on him.

Now here he was, sitting alone on a park bench, the bright sun warming his pale skin, not used to the harsh rays. Night was Spike's time. Sitting in bars, walking home under the moonless sky, sleeping til the sun was at it's highest then getting cleaned up and starting again when the light went away.

He lived in a world of shadows and darkness, not just around him, but inside his very soul. For a long time he'd feared himself, afraid of what he was capable of. He stayed away from people, especially women, for months. Then he'd gained enough courage to go to the nearby club, sitting in a dark corner to drink himself into oblivion.

Time crept on without him, the world turned of it's own accord and left him behind. The Bronze became a habit, the bar stool and the vodka his trusted friends. The girls weren't real to him. Bedding them was not something he did, more than it was something that happened to him. They were keen, he was alone, just wanting to feel something, anything, other than the incredible pain.

Now things were so different that he barely recognised himself in the mirror. Sometimes he smiled, much more often than he used to. Thoughts of this new woman in his life made him feel warm in his heart, a place that had been locked by chains of ice for so long. She brought the sun back into his dark world, brought him back to life somehow and it was a miraculous thing to him.

"Hi" said the very same woman he'd been thinking of and again he found the smile slid back onto his face.

"Hello, luv" he greeted as she sat down on the bench beside him, and he noticed the several inches of space between them.

"I was right before, wasn't I?" he said bitterly, staring out across the water of the calm lake. He saw her shift uncomfortably just in the edge of his visual range, before she answered.

"About what?" she asked, looking in the same direction he was. He wasn't sure whether she knew what he meant and was just pretending to be naive or if she really had no clue.

"You're afraid of me" he said sadly, looking down at his hands now, "Dunno the reason but..."

"Spike" he stopped abruptly when she interrupted him, her hand landing on his knee. His eyes shifted to her fingers, travelled up her arm to her face until his gaze met hers, "I want to be close to you" she told him, and he swallowed hard as he listened, watching those expressive eyes of hers so intently, "I just, it's not you I'm afraid of, it's what I'm feeling that scares me..." her voice trailed away and he knew why. It seemed she felt the same way he did, shocked and amazed by the ability to feel so much for someone he'd known for so short a time.

"I understand" he said so quietly he was worried she couldn't hear him, "I feel like I've known you forever, like when I'm with you, nothing matters...except us" his eyes had shifted to the ground when he started but by the time he'd finished speaking their gazes were locked onto each other again. He couldn't elaborate on the things that didn't seem important anymore, he knew that would scare her far more than a few feelings of attraction ever could. For now, it didn't matter, all other thoughts slipped away as he realised the gap between them was closing. Her eyes fluttered closed as their lips were just about to meet and he knew it was now or never.

Very gently he pressed his lips to hers, one sweet kiss, and it almost killed him to pull away but he knew he had to be careful about this, had to take things one step at a time. Her eyes opened as he moved slightly away, leaving their foreheads resting together. She looked surprised that it was over so fast, but she smiled anyway.

"You're a very sweet man, Spike" she told him and the phrase was almost amusing to him. 'She wouldn't be saying that if she knew...' a nasty voice in the back of his head told him, like the voice of one he knew but wished he could forget. The voice was gone in a flash, it's sentence left hanging, sordid words unsaid, as her hand reached up behind his head and pulled his lips back to hers.

He didn't mind, he wanted her to be in control of this, he feared for what might happen if he let it be him. She wanted more from him, he gave into it, tongues doing battle in such a thrilling way. She tasted like the day felt. Like peppermint, and candy, and sunshine. It was a bittersweet feeling for Spike, knowing that one day the truth would be told and it would all be over, but right now he was embarking on a new beginning.

- - - - - - -

Buffy was beginning to wonder if her sanity was getting away from her. She knew she was seriously lacking in good sense when she found herself standing in front of her closet in nothing but her underwear fussing over what to wear for her 'date' with Spike. This was not how it was supposed to be. He was a case, a part of her job, less than a man more of a monster, at least that's what she knew she should believe, but deep inside her, Buffy knew she didn't hate this man, didn't even dislike him, she was falling in love so fast it made her head spin and she just didn't know how to shut it off.

Finally she selected a skirt and top to wear, somewhere between sexy and casual-dressy. Then came the problem of what to do with her hair. There wasn't really time to wash it, after getting stuck in a jam on the way home from the station, she had less time than she should have and not a moment spare for hair washing it she wanted to be in time to meet Spike, and she did want to be on time, she just wanted to see him so badly it almost physically hurt.

'I must be crazy' she sighed as she sat down at her vanity, took the band from her hair and brushed out her blonde locks. She was fairly happy with it and managed to keep her hand steady enough to apply a little make up, though unless she really concentrated her hand began to shake all of it's own accord and for the life of her Buffy couldn't tell whether it was nerves, excitement, or most likely a mixture of both that made her tremble.

Checking her watch she realised if she didn't leave now she would be really late and that was the last thing she wanted to do. A part of her knew what she was doing was literally suicidal but what she felt about Spike, the way they'd connected right from the start, the way he looked at her sometimes that just made her want to rip his clothes off and..hey where the hell did that come from?! Buffy nearly crashed her car as her mind wandered off all on it's own and left the rest of her to navigate traffic all by itself.

Suddenly, she noticed she was right by the park and, finding a place to leave her car, she checked her appearance in the mirror before getting out and walking toward the bench that she'd said she'd meet him at.

From a few feet away she could see him, bleached blond hair shining bright in the sun. He looked tense even from the back and Buffy so wished that things could be simpler between them.

"Hi" she said, smiling and trying to be as casual as she could be as she arrived beside him.

"Hello, luv" he smiled back and she felt light-headed, not sure whether it was standing there in the blaring sun or just because his eyes were on her. The effect he had seemed to be getting stronger the more she thought about him and especially the more she saw him. It was scary, but in this thrilling kind of way that she was becoming just a little bit addicted too.

Buffy sat down on the bench, making sure she put several inches of space between them. The closer she was to him the less control she would have and she needed to be in control right now.

"I was right before, wasn't I?" he said somewhat sadly, pulling her from her thoughts and worries.

"About what?" she asked, truly not understanding. He seemed to be avoiding looking at her as he explained.

"You're afraid of me" she felt sick when he said it, wondering vaguely if he knew... "Dunno the reason but..." she was so relieved about that she didn't wait for him to say anymore, she felt so bad for him.

"Spike" his name came out much more seriously than she meant it to and her hand landed on his knee through sheer will of it's own, at least Buffy believed it must have. She hadn't consciously decided to do that.

"I want to be close to you" she told him as their eyes met, nothing but truth falling from her lips right now "I just, it's not you I'm afraid of, it's what I'm feeling that scares me..." she trailed off, knowing she was likely to cry if she carried on, either that or let out every secret that she had.

"I understand" his voice was low and almost non-existent when he answered her, "I feel like I've known you forever, like when I'm with you, nothing matters...except us" she watched him intently as his eyes flitted down to the ground before coming back up to meet hers. Her heart thumped in her chest and they were so close, if he didn't kiss her now she was sure she'd burst. Any other man would've, there'd been enough opportunities, and she knew guys that thought it was perfectly acceptable to attempt to get you in the bedroom on a first date, but this man who was supposed to be violent and bad, he seemed so afraid of touching her.

With their lips mere millimetres apart, Buffy let her eyes close, silently willing him to lean in that final distance. It was like lightening when it happened, when his lips finally brushed against her own, and though it lasted just a moment and was possibly the most tame kiss she had ever experienced, it was also the most special.

It was over almost as soon as it had begun, but that didn't matter. She was making progress with him, and not for the police case that was so far from her mind right now, but for her. They were getting closer and she realised that was all she wanted.

"You're a very sweet man, Spike" she whispered as they sat there, foreheads still touching, smiling in wonder at how different this man was to what he was said to be. So gentle and seemingly so scared, as if he'd never kissed a woman before, though she knew he had, that and more.

The way he was now, so close and looking so innocent, Buffy just could not control how much she wanted him. Bringing her hand up behind his head, she urged his lips back onto hers. She wanted to know him, the real him, wanted to get close to him, taste him, just love him. He seemed willing enough to let her, seemed to relax after a few moments, til they were both lost in all that they felt.

Buffy's thoughts became less coherent by the second, but one thing shone through so strong in her mind that she couldn't ignore - this was the start of her downfall, the beginning of the end.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : I know this went back to the old format, and was a little repetitive in some ways, but I really wanted to get both POVs of this scene in here. Anyone still reaidng this, liking it even? Review please and let me know! :-)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N : Thanx to everyone who reviewed he previous chapter; Onion Petal, spikeswife1, wicked-angel3, Ahna the Bloody, Mariana, msberry, Mr Lennox I pressume, angelash, Higgy's Red. I seem to be back in the flow of this story, which it seems that you guys really appreciate, although I have to say, this chapter was not simple for me...fingers crossed that it's not too dire!

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 8

Two weeks had passed since the day in the park when Buffy had finally managed to find that closeness with Spike that she so needed and craved. Her bosses had been thrilled with her progress as far as information was concerned, he'd started to open up a lot more in the few dates they'd had recently, although they were no closer to proving that he was guilty of what they accused him.

For the most part, Buffy realised she wasn't really trying to get information on that particular event, because in her mind, she simply could not accept that this was the man who committed the crime. How could this sweet and gentle man be guilty of murdering a woman he professed to be in love with? There was just no way it could be true. Perhaps her feelings were clouding her judgement, she'd seen it happen to others before, but this seemed different. No-one made her feel the way Spike did, and the sensible part of her brain reminded her it was nothing more than the thrill of flirting with danger, dancing too close to the fire.

Still, whatever the reasons for her attraction to this man, the point was she was going to have to deal with it. If she wanted a future with him the only way was to prove his innocence, yet she could not say for certain that he wasn't guilty. Even if she could clear him of the charge, with fair means or foul, what was he going to think of her when she admitted why she'd originally met him in that bar?

Guilt would be the death of her, if the rest of her strong emotions didn't beat it to the task, but right now Buffy was desperate to block it all out and concentrate on the job at hand. There was that word again - job. Spending time with Spike, just like she would be tonight, was nothing like a job or a hardship. She loved his company, his conversation, she loved being close to him and she'd never felt so alive as those few times when he'd dared to kiss her.

Checking herself in the mirror one final time, Buffy picked up her purse and headed out of the front door. She had to be crazy, of course she knew that, because here she was going off to eat dinner at a suspected murderer's apartment. She hated to think of it that way, but once in a while reality would hit her like a smack in the face and she had no choice but to see the world as it really was - harsh, cruel, and unfair.

'Get the information and get out' she kept telling herself it was the only way to get through this, just muddle through until he confessed or until she could find a way to prove his innocence, and then run like hell. But could she really let him go when this was over? Would she even have a choice?

- - - - - -

He had to be crazy, simply had to be, because there was just no other way that Spike could justify what was happening in his life. After that fateful day seven months ago, he swore he'd never get close to anyone again, especially not a woman. Then he'd met Buffy, and she'd turned his life upside down. When she looked at him it was like magic, when they talked it was so easy, and when they kissed, he couldn't even begin to describe what she did to him. Of course he knew it was all wrong. By concealing the truth of his past he was indirectly lying to her, and in the end when the truth came out she was going to run away as fast as her legs would allow, he just knew it. Still, he could not bring himself to confess right now. He was learning to live again through her, seeing the sun and feeling that life was worth living after all.

She'd arrive soon he realised as he checked his watch and stirred the bolognese sauce in the pan on the stove. He preferred to be alone with her, still uncomfortable amongst large crowds of people. She didn't question why he hid so much, why he'd always been alone at the bar, or why his clothes varied little from uniform black. These people that accepted the world as they found it, not questioning anything or anyone, Spike knew they existed but never thought he'd meet one he could love. In all honesty he never thought he'd love again after the first time.

A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts and he moved to let Buffy in. He took a deep breath before he opened the door, he always had to since it was so difficult to relax when she first walked in. Her beauty almost blinded him, and her want to be close to him made life more than a little difficult. He tensed when she reached to hug him, but just for a second before he revelled in her the feel of her arms around him and the perfect way she fit in his own.

Buffy always had to take a deep breath before she knocked on Spike's door. All the stories she'd heard about him before she met him made her more than a little nervous of crossing that threshold into his apartment and his world. She trusted him, as much as anyone would having only had a few dates with the guy, but that little voice in the back of her head just refused to stop telling her what an idiot she was, and how dangerous the game she was playing really was.

She managed a smile, a hello, and gave him a hug which seemed to help calm both of them down. When she was close to him the little danger-voice got quieter, because there was simply no way any part of her could feel anything other than safe when he held her this way.

Buffy didn't try to kiss him, he never seemed completely comfortable with it and she guessed it had something to do with his ex that they'd never actually mentioned, for obvious reasons. It wasn't that he didn't want to kiss her, she was fairly certain of that, since the few times they had it'd been amazing and he'd told her so. Still, it wasn't important right now, and in the end it would probably be better if they didn't get too physically involved. How difficult did she really want to make this on herself?

They sat down to eat, he asked how her day had been and as usual she was forced to lie about a waitressing career she did not have. He asked a lot of questions and she paused longer and longer between answers, the pain she felt each time she had to lie, the panic that he'd catch her out. She was feeling too much to be able to think straight as well, and it was the beginning of her downfall.

"So then my boss yelled at me" she said, telling a story that was in fact true but making it about waitressing instead of the police force, "and I was like 'get off my back, Finn, or swear to God I'll use this gun..."

"Gun?" Spike almost choked on his food as the word left her lips and her eyes went wide at the realisation of what she'd said. She simple hadn't been thinking, and now she had to explain why a waitress carried a gun at work?

"Er, it was a joke" she laughed awkwardly, "I, er, it wasn't a real gun it was a..." she reached for the wine bottle to pour another drink, hoping to steady her nerves with it as her brain went berserk inside her head. How had she made such a screw up?! She managed to pour some more wine in her glass but her fingers slipped as she moved to drink it and blood red liquid splashed down her top.

"Oh damn!" she exclaimed, secretly glad of the distraction though she hadn't done it on purpose. Spike seemed to forget what she'd just said as he grabbed a napkin from the perfectly laid table and stood up when she did, moving to help her clean her top. His hands in places they'd never been before did nothing for her concentration and when they both looked up at the same time, their eyes met and she knew he wanted her as much as she wanted him. Fighting against urges that would ultimately bring only pain, she took a step back, tears cascading down her face, borne out of guilt and the agony of having to resist what she so wanted. Looking for somewhere to run, she headed for the nearest door, closing it behind her. She realised she'd probably made the worse possible choice, when she turned from the closed door and found a bed, Spike's bed, right in front of her.

Wiping the tears from her face she tried to calm down before she headed back out to talk to him. As her hand reached for the door knob it seemed his had too as it opened of it's own accord and she saw him standing there.

"What's wrong?" he asked, almost nervously and Buffy so wished she could tell him. She shook her head knowing she couldn't, and just wanting so badly for the situation to be different, for them to be two innocent and ordinary people.

He moved to hug her and it only made her feel worse as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She knew how awkward he usually felt about closeness, it was a big deal for him to initiate it.

"There's so much I should tell you" she whispered, head resting against his chest "so much you don't know about me..." her voice wavered as she moved to look up at him too seriously "but all I can think about right now is how much I want to kiss you" she told him, sick and tired of games and rules and issues. She wanted him, she was almost certain he wanted her, for tonight she didn't want anything else to matter.

"Buffy..." he was going to say something she didn't want to hear, she just knew it, and she couldn't handle it right now.

"Sshh..." she silenced him, placing her fingers on his lips. Half of her brain screamed, in a voice not unlike her boss, that she was an idiot and that the job wasn't worth this, but it wasn't about the job anymore, or the mission, it was just about her. As she told herself that very thing, her mind went silent, surrendering control to her heart and her body.

Slowly she dropped her hand away from his face, replacing her fingers with her lips on his. So gentle and chaste like it wasn't even real. She pulled back after the briefest of moments and studied his face as she allowed herself to breathe. She looked for some kind of reaction, anything at all, but his features were a blank mask.

Then their eyes met, and she knew.

Her brain barely registered despite the fact she knew it was coming, and his hands went to her waist as his lips hit hers. Perhaps hit was the wrong word, she realised, for as much passion as there was in his kiss, he was careful with her, tender, gentle. His hands did not grab at her, but swept over her, smooth caresses that made her skin tingle as he pulled her close to him, there bodies fitting perfectly against each other. She felt him against her and knew he couldn't control what she was doing to him anymore than she could control herself.

Part of her knew she should stop this now, a rational voice in the back of her head that said she was crazy, but what he did to her was like nothing she'd ever felt before, and she never wanted him to stop exciting her like this. His fingers worked the clasp behind her neck, and the ties lower down, before sliding the material from her body. It was like fire and ice when he touched her skin and her eyes fell closed as he lowered her back onto his bed.

'He could be a murderer' her mind taunted her, refusing to leave her be, as she felt his hands slide lower. Those hands could have held the gun that killed an innocent woman, she realised as his fingers roamed her body, began unfastening her skirt, tossing aside both that and his own shirt and jeans. She wanted to help but found herself incapable, just wanted to be selfish for a while and let him take her where she so desperately wanted to go.

His lips made trails of icy fire around her neck, down the side of her throat...he might have yelled with those lips, deadly threats and dirty curses, but now his whispered words were tender, his caresses loving and gentle, as all at once he made her feel so precious and alive.

A voice sang in dark and vulgar tones just how bad and wrong this was but the most part of her was helpless against him and the power he had over her. He looked into her eyes, a silent question, answered with just a look and a searing kiss.

She trusted him, realised right there and then as they moved together, that she loved him completely, just at that moment when it truly happened and he claimed her as his own. She knew then as the natural bliss flowed through her whole form and his eyes bored into her own, that she was his, and that she'd never want to be anything else for as long as she lived.

- - - - - -

He hadn't meant for this to happen and despite his reputation, his motives had been completely honourable when he'd invited her here for dinner. To eat and to talk, nothing more complicated or sinister than that, but when she'd started inexplicably crying, it almost broke his heart. All he wanted to do was hold her and tell her that whatever the problem was it would be okay. She hadn't let him. She'd moved away from him so fast that he began to wonder, did she know more than he'd told her. He guessed he was wrong when she'd made for the door to the next room rather than the exit. He'd given her a moment before he'd followed her. He'd needed that time to comprehend that this beautiful woman that he so strangely cared about was crying and that she was in his bedroom.

She'd rambled something that he didn't understand and then, she'd just kissed him and that was all it took. One kiss and she had him totally lost and never to be found again. He had to have her close to him, wanted and needed her body as near to his as possible. She made him feel things he didn't know he ever could, not just physically though that was a large part of it right now in that moment, but on so many levels, she just made him feel so free and alive. Inside of him was so dark, his heart so black and dead, she'd changed all that and he wanted her to know it, wanted her to understand how much he wanted her, needed her, loved her. He'd never dared to try to tell her, nevermind show her, but when she kissed him right then, there was nothing he could do but go with what he felt.

His hands reached for the fastenings of her clothes, and she seemed willing enough to just let it all happen. They were lying together on his bed before he'd even realised what he was doing and for the briefest second he wondered if she knew what was really happening, if she was as willing to do this as she seemed.

One look in her eyes was enough to tell him the answer, the love coupled with the desire and the need, that he had no doubt shone from his own eyes too. It petrified him, more than anything ever had before, but at the same time it was an exquisite feeling and he wanted more of it.

'Would she let you do this if she knew?' a cruel voice taunted, 'If she knew what happened to the last girl that shared your bed? That other innocent girl you claimed to love?' he heard inside his mind as his hands slid further down her body and both his and her clothing slipped away. He pushed the vulgar thoughts to one side, concentrated solely on her, and at that moment they were the only two people in the world.

In moments, they moved as one, and he had never felt so right in all his days. He belonged with this woman in every way that it was possible for a person to belong to another, there was not a doubt left in his mind about that. As they reached the point of ecstasy together, he knew she was now his, but more than that, that he was hers alone.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Okay so there's the proof that I don't write the sex so well, lol. Usually in my fics, they kiss, they grope, they stumble into the bedroom and then you have to sue your imaginantion. I thiught this needed a little more than that so it got more, but I'm not so sure it works. I'm a little uncormfotbale with the totally in-depth sex writeage, so I just ahve to hope that you're happy with this instead. I guess I'll find out if you liked it when you all vreiew subtle hint ;-)


	9. Chapter 9

A/N : Well, I am so relieved to know that the least chapter didn't suck! The writing of the sex was bothering me, but it seems it wasn't half so dire as I thought. Thanx to everyone who reviewed; Amandamanda3, Mariana, Higgy's Red, Onion Petal, spikeswife1, Xtremely-Canadian, wicked-angel3. See what you think to this new chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

  
  
Chapter 9

For the briefest of moments when Buffy awoke she couldn't quite figure out where she was, then the night before came rushing back like the tide. She felt the weirdest combination of dread and contentment as she turned over and came face to elbow with Spike who was laying beside her, his head propped up on his hand. He smiled when he saw she was awake.

"Hi" she said shyly, ducking her face behind her hair.

"Hey" he replied, as his fingers pushed her hair out of her face, brushing along her skin. She looked up and smiled slightly, kissing his fingertips as they passed her lips. He retracted his hand too fast for her liking. Though she knew this whole thing should be viewed as a horrible mistake, last night had been the most exquisite of her entire life and she wouldn't trade that for the world.

"You been awake long?" she asked as he looked away.

"Couldn't sleep" came his soft reply as he studied an invisible spot on the duvet, "Buffy" he said too suddenly as his eyes snapped up to look into hers "I need you to know that I never planned for...that to happen" he said awkwardly, and Buffy felt tears come to her eyes "I swear when I invited you here it was for dinner, I didn't..."

"I get it" she said sharply, turning her back to him as hot tears cascaded down her cheeks. How could he be saying this to her? That he never meant to sleep with her? That he never even wanted to? Despite the fact she knew she was lying about so much, she hated to think he would lie about his feelings, the one thing that she herself had been honest about if nothing else.

She felt his hand on her arm and then his lips brushed against her shoulder. The simple touch made her whole body tingle as he leant over her and whispered in her ear.

"That doesn't mean I regret it, sweetheart" he assured her, and she felt his words more than she heard them, his warm breath against her neck "Last night was, I can't even tell you how special it was" he promised and Buffy turned slightly to look at him.

"For me too" she nodded gently before they kissed.

Though a part of her would have been quite happy to repeat last nights performance, a neon sign was flashing in her head, telling her she should have been at work half an hour ago. That only served to remind her of what she was doing and who she was doing it with, and of course why she shouldn't be doing it at all.

She pulled away from him, hating the look in his eyes when she did so. Though she was sure he had no idea why she was really backing off, Buffy was certain she'd offended him by doing so.

"I should probably go" she said awkwardly, suddenly feeling almost embarrassed about the fact she was naked beneath the duvet that barely covered them both.

"S'pose you should" he nodded once, the expression on his face unreadable as he pushed back the covers and swung his legs out of the bed.

"I'll put some coffee on whilst you get dressed" he told her as he found his jeans, pulled them on and headed out the door in silence.

- - - - - - -

'What have I done?' was the first thing Spike had thought when he'd woken up. After promising himself every day for months that he'd never give himself so easily again, here he was sharing his bed with a woman he had truly made love to the night before. He'd had sex with more women than he cared to count but last night had been different, too intense and beautiful to be anything but an inducement of the purest love. He had been so sure that Drusilla was the only woman he could feel these emotions for, but now here was Buffy...

Spike had hardly slept at all, though she had fallen asleep in his arms within minutes and stayed in the land of dreams for several hours. He had watched over her for most of the night, thinking about all that had happened in his life and all that may yet be to come. When she'd woken up and looked at him with those big, innocent eyes he'd felt so guilty. He'd dragged her into his world now, by selfishly falling in love with her. How could any good come out of this situation, as history began to repeat itself. Spike knew the words he'd carefully planned had come out horribly wrong when she turned away from him and cried, useless buckets of salt for him, a man not worthy to kiss the ground she walked upon.

Though he was certain he'd convinced her of his true meaning eventually, she had pulled away from him too fast when they kissed. He was in two minds as to whether this was a good or bad thing as he pulled on his jeans and left the bedroom, planning to make coffee whilst she found her clothes and got dressed. Physically, he wanted her so badly it was painful to leave her in that bed alone, indeed emotionally the strain was almost just as bad, but knowing how much he could hurt her had made him at least try to keep some distance between them. He'd been doing so well until last night.

Now he must face the fact that they have been as close as is humanly possible for two beings, and there was no turning back from that. He was free falling down the side of a cliff and he'd pulled her down with him, and whilst the flight was thrilling there were no parachutes or safety nets. No fluffy pillows to cushion their landing, and make it all happy ever after.

When he admitted to his past as he knew one day he must, she would leave him, and he would be alone again as he had been before. If she really knew him, she'd never have gotten so close, and it was now no longer a case of hurting her or not, but simply to what degree of pain she would be inflicted when he finally confessed.

Spike sighed as he pushed his hair back off his face and put two mugs of coffee on the table. He walked back to the bedroom and cautiously opened the door.

"What are you doing with that?" he forced out words around his heart that pounded in his throat as he found Buffy by the cabinet with a photograph in her hands. There was only one picture that resided in the drawer she had currently got open, and that was one he never wanted her to see.

"I..I was looking for a T-shirt or something" she told him looking decidedly panicked "Mine kinda got stained" she reminded him, still gripping the silver-framed photograph and he strode over to her, ripping it away.

"Try the closet" he snapped too harshly, and he knew he'd done it, though he made no moves to apologise. He felt sick as he glanced down at the picture and up at Buffy. From one girl, dark and fragile, to the other, fair and strong. How different they were and yet how much he worshipped them both. Still they were of two different worlds of time, and their names should never even be mentioned in the same breath, for fear of imploding both past and present.

"She's beautiful" Buffy said softly, and he hated to see how frightened he seemed to have made her.

"Yes...she was" he replied at length, concentrating on the picture in his hand instead of the actual woman that stood just two feet away. He ran a finger down Drusilla's image and fought too many powerful emotions that raged within his heart.

"Who was she?" the blonde beside him asked tentatively and he couldn't take it anymore. He pushed the picture back in the drawer, amongst a hundred other thing she didn't want to see, slamming it shut so hard that the whole dresser shuddered and Buffy physically jumped.

"Doesn't matter now" he shook his head, staring straight ahead at a non-existent spot on the wall. He concentrated on being calm, on how much he knew he loved Buffy. He didn't want to hurt her of that he was certain. With a deep breath he turned back to look at her, managing a half smile. He took a step towards her and worried slightly when she looked wary. He reached out a hand to her face and pushed her hair back behind her ear before turning and leaving the room without a word.

- - - - - - -

Buffy hated the fact that as soon as Spike left the bedroom, thoughts of finding clues filled her mind. Her police training over-ran just about every other thing she would usually think and feel. The only thing it was not stronger than was her feelings for Spike that ran so deep she was practically drowning at every turn.

With a glance towards the door in case he came back she hopped out of bed and pulled on her underwear and her skirt. Her top was wine-stained, she remembered, as she picked up the item from the floor. Despite last night, thoughts of walking out of the room with just her bra covering the top half of her body made her uncomfortable and she walked over to the cabinet by the wall. A cautious hand had reached for the handle of the top drawer, another nervous glance towards the door before she pulled it open.

Underneath some other far less interesting items, her attention was taken by a silver frame with a picture inside of a girl she recognised. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of a victim, a murdered innocent by the name of Drusilla Walker.

"What are you doing with that?" the coldness in Spike's voice from the door made her physically shiver, as the surprise of him being there almost caused the photograph to slip from her fingers.

She turned to make an excuse and he stalked over to her, such an icy look on his face that Buffy was actually afraid of him for a moment. Though the slight underlying fear she always felt around him was exciting, the way he looked at her now, the fact she held half his secrets in her hands, if Buffy were less of a person she would have cried like a baby.

The picture was ripped from her hands as he roughly told her that T-shirts were in the closet. His tone said in no uncertain terms that he did not like people going through his personal things, not even her who seemed to mean so much to him last night.

"She's beautiful" she'd dared to say, glancing between Spike's face and that of his dead girlfriend. He looked so pained as his blue eyes never left the picture in his hands, and he agreed in soft words that Buffy almost didn't hear.

There was never going to be another opportunity like this, not for the case or for her, she realised as she asked the ultimate question;

"Who was she?"

His reaction was too violent for her to ever consider asking such a thing again as the picture was shoved back in the drawer and it was closed so hard the force felt as if it should rock the entire room. Buffy physically jumped, though she'd tried not to let her fear show. His eyes seemed to soften when he looked over at her, she presumed because he knew she was afraid.

Still as he walked towards her she couldn't help but flinch away slightly. In a state of semi-undress and with him between her and the door, Buffy felt more vulnerable than she'd like to. After last night, when she'd put so much trust in him, now she was wary of his fingers reaching out to her face. She sighed gently as he half-smiled at her and tucked loose strands of hair behind her ear.

As he slammed back out of the room, Buffy let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and checked the clock by the bed. Her heart hammered in her chest as she realised she should have been at work almost an hour ago and that she'd come so close to getting the confession her bosses wanted to hear. The problem was, this morning's performance only showed Spike had something to hide, and it had to do with Drusilla. How was Buffy supposed to face the fact that he really could be a killer?

- - - - - - -

"Summers!" Riley Finn's voice rang out as soon as Buffy got a foot in the door "You were supposed to be here two hours ago" he reminded her as she pushed her hair out of her face and breathed heavily from the exertion of hurrying.

"Get off my case, Finn" she complained loudly, no respect at all for his authority at the moment.

Buff had made excuses and left Spike's apartment as quick as she could, rushing home to change her clothes, fix her hair, and grab her notes, before bolting to the station.

"I had a rough night" she said as explanation, Riley leaning over her as she sat down heavily at the desk and spilled half the contents of her purse on the floor.

"Conference Room 2" Riley said uncaringly "Five minutes. You better have something good" he added before walking away.

Buffy put her elbows on the desk and rested her head in her hands.

'How the hell did I get into this mess?' she asked herself as she caught sight of her reflection in the blank screen of the computer monitor. Her mind raced through a million scenes, mixtures of memories, lies, deceptions, and daydreams. She had to get her story straight in her head before she faced Finn. There was only so much information she was willing to share and there was a huge chunk of last night and this morning with Spike that just was not the kind of thing she could tell all about.

With a deep breath she got out her compact, fixed her hair to a modest extent and re-applied her lipstick. For someone who'd got very little sleep last night and was under more stress than one human being should be able to cope with, she didn't look bad.

With a determined look, she stood up from the desk and walked towards the Conference room, a file folder clutched to her chest. Another deep breath as her hand reached for the door knob and she entered with a semi-fake pissed off expression and a yell of annoyance.

"Okay Finn, what the hell do you...?"

"Elizabeth Summers" her full given name caught her off guard as did the voice that interrupted her.

"Angel" she gasped slightly as her eyes settled on the man seated at the table "er, Chief Inspector O'Connor" she amended with a shake of her head "I didn't know you were in this meeting" she said as casually as she could, closing the door behind her as she gestured for her to do just that.

"If you were here on time I might have told you" Riley ground out, but both Buffy and Angel knew he was more peeved by their previous almost-relationship than he was about her tardiness.

"Thankyou, Finn" Angel rolled his eyes at the younger man, gesturing for Buffy to sit down opposite him, "Summers, I hope I don't have to remind you of the seriousness of this case" he said, as Riley hovered beside them, making Buffy even more nervous than she already was.

"Of course not, sir" she said, swallowing hard and hoping they didn't notice.

"We're talking about murder" Angel reminded her none too gently "a man so evil that he shot his own girlfriend at point blank range and left her in a pool of her own blood for some other innocent person to find"

"I know the story" she said calmly, desperate to keep her breathing even and her expression neutral. Right now she was sure one more conflicting emotion would cause her to burst at the seams. At the same time she was imagining ripping Angel's head clean off his shoulders, if he dared to say one more word against her lover.

"It's no story, Summers, this is fact" her boss told her, looking a little agitated as he stood up and leant across the table at her "or as close as it gets without an actual confession. Are you any closer to getting that?"

"I..." her voice wavered but after swallowing hard she managed to continue "I'm getting closer" she told him, cursing internally at the terrible double entendre!

"Problem is" Angel sighed, sitting back down heavily "it seems you're not getting close enough or as fast as we would've liked" he shared a look with Riley and continued "As much as I admire your efforts Lizzy, the closer you get the more dangerous it becomes"

"But I can deal" Buffy said sharply, hands banging on the table "I just..." her sentence died on her lips as Riley placed an item in front of her, "What's this?" she said in a dangerously low voice, casting her eyes up at him.

"It's a wire, Summers" he told her, like she were an idiot child "Standard issue for secret surveillance"

"I know that, Finn" she said through gritted teeth, "Why are you showing it to me?"

"Summers" his tone was as menacing as her own, but he didn't scare her one bit "we're seriously considering getting this confession another way..."

"By sending me in wired?" she interrupted incredulously, her voice rising a couple of decibels. Did they really think this little of her abilities?

"Exactly" it was Angel who answered her and Buffy's eyes shifted back to him as he continued "You can get the information we need, push a little more than you'd normally dare. We can have the place surrounded, come get you out of there safely as soon as Blood says what we need him to"

Buffy felt sick to the point of screaming when she realised all the implications of what they were asking, no _telling_ her to do. They'd hear every word she and Spike said, know immediately what was going on between them, and if he admitted to anything, said one thing that even sounded remotely like a confession, that would be the end. It wouldn't matter if it were real or not.

"With respect, sir" Buffy said as calmly as she could "I don't think it's a good idea"

"With respect, Summers" Angel mimicked her words, smiling almost evilly as he leaned across the desk towards her "I'm not giving you a choice"

_To Be Continued..._

A/N2 : Well, what do you think to all that? Review please, and let me know :-)


	10. Chapter 10

A/N : Okay, here comes a big deal of a chapter, I don't want to give anything away, but, well, I guess I'll shut up and let you read it. Quick thanx to the latest reviewers; Anyanka0705, Mr Lennox I pressume, Amandamanda3, Elizance, GoldenAngl99, Happy. I love all your comments and that you take the time to tell me what you think :-) Now, here's the next chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 10

Spike was more than a little concerned when Buffy had called him. It was several hours since she'd left his apartment in somewhat of a hurry, and the sun was beginning to sink in the sky, turning the clouds orange as he made his way to her place. Last night had been one of the best of his existance, he'd felt dead inside for so long, and over-night Buffy had brought him back to life in the most beautiful way.

Unfortunately his happiness was tinged with something black and cold. For all the great feelings she evoked in him, there was always enough guilt and darkness to keep him for being completely content. Unless he told her the truth, he would never be free, but if his lies were revealed it could be the end, not just for their relationship but for his freedom, his life.

As he neared her front door he stopped, staring at the wooden surface and brass number's declaring the entrance to apartment twenty. He took a deep breath and raised his fist to knock only to retract it again and step away. Every time he had to face her he was afraid, scared that this would be the last time he'd see her smile, hear her say those words of love to him, feel her soft lips against his own. Too suddenly before, love had been snatched from his grasp, and he'd caused too much pain to be allowed to keep a hold on this new happiness too long.

Still, one thing he'd learnt from the suffering he'd endured was that life was not eternal as love was. Every man and woman had a limited time in this world and the most important thing next to survival had to be love. If the world stopped turning tomorrow, or if he should fall from the edge into the fires that raged below and beyond, what mattered was that Buffy knew how he felt about her. Words he'd said but not truly meant as he felt he would if he said them now. No matter what she'd called him here for today, whether it was with the passion of love or anger that she greeted him, before it was over he had to tell her the truth of what he felt for her, before it was too late.

- - - - - - -

Buffy was sure she would wear a groove in the carpet of her living room as she continued to pace up and down the length of it, but still she could not make herself stop. After her meeting with Angel and Riley, and the revelation that they were sending her into a future meeting with Spike wearing a wire, she'd been forced to sit at her desk and work as she always did. The problem was that writing reports and signing papers was made increasingly difficult when the only place her mind wanted to be was back amongst memories of last night.

In the beginning, her relationship with Spike was to be nothing more than a trick, a simple ruse to make him confess to a crime she was certain he'd committed. As she'd got to know him she had started to wonder how such a man could possibly be guilty of the charge laid against him and soon she'd found herself falling in love beyond her control. A couple of kisses, a couple of dates, all at once they were a couple and last night they'd sealed their love in the most perfect way.

Buffy hadn't intended for any of this to happen, but now that it had she was in a terrible quandary. The worry over what would happen when the truth of her job was revealed to Spike, and her relationship with him to her colleagues, had made Buffy feel physically ill to the point where she had actually been parted rather spectacularly from the contents of her stomach at one point.

It was Riley who had told her to go home and get some rest, but Buffy was sure that was more to do with him wanting her to be fit for the mission than actually caring about her health. He'd had a crush on her before, everybody knew, but now it seemed he was becoming obsessed with bringing William Blood to justice.

Buffy was almost certain that justice would be far from done if Spike went to jail, she simply could not believe he was capable of murder. Perhaps the love she felt affected her judgement, love was blind after all, perhaps it had taken away her usually clear vision of people, but right now she didn't care.

Her nausea returned right after she'd made the call to Spike, asking him to come to her apartment as soon as he could. It had taken every nerve she had to do that and now her boldness was abandoning her.

As a knock came on the door she tensed. She knew beyond it was such a contradiction of a man. Her lover, but supposed enemy too. So gentle and tender with her and yet told to be violent and murderous. With a deep breath she walked over and opened the door, finding that as soon as she saw him standing there all other feelings disappeared, leaving her only with love and terrible guilt.

"Spike" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms tight around him as soon as he'd entered the apartment. All she wanted to do was confess her sins and pray he forgave her, no longer concerned about her job or the possible danger she could be in.

"Well, I'm glad you're pleased to see me, pet" Spike smiled slightly as he pulled away from her. It was only when he put his thumbs to her cheeks and wiped away her tears, that Buffy actually realised she was crying.

"Spike" she choked out "there's something I have to tell you..." she began, unable to bear all this anymore. Unfortunately she was not allowed to finish.

"There's something I have to tell you too" he said, hands on her arms now "and usually I'm all about the chivalry and ladies going first and all that, but this time you have to let me start" he told he firmly.

"Okay" Buffy nodded, inside panicking as he seemed ready to confess to something. She prayed to God he was not about to shatter her fragile illusions that he could be innocent, that they could be happy together somehow.

"Buffy, luv" he sighed, pushing her hair out of her face gently "there's a lot we don't know about each other, and I'm not stupid, I know this has all happened fast" he told her "maybe too fast, but that doesn't change my feelings for you. I've been trying to figure out for so long exactly what you mean to me, and the bottom line is...well, I love you, Buffy" her heart almost broke at that, knowing how hard this must be for him and hating how difficult he was making things for her "I know I said it before but I'm so completely certain of it now, I just had to tell you again" he finished, and Buffy only cried harder "Hey now, I didn't mean to make you cry, I never meant to do that" he promised, pulling her back into his arms and holding her close, one hand rubbing her back.

Buffy sobbed, coughed, and spluttered, every word she'd planned to say leaking out of her mind as more salt water than she thought one person could possess fell from her eyes. Although she was crying because he'd made things so much more difficult for her, he'd also overwhelmed her with his beautiful words. He loved her more than anything and whilst in some ways it made things worse, it was a wonderful thing to be told and in part she was telling the truth when she pulled out of his arms slightly and looked into his bright blue eyes.

"It's okay, it's good tears" she told him, a hand on his cheek "Spike, I love you too, so much" she promised him faithfully, knowing that if she confessed to nothing else tonight, at least he would know how much he meant to her.

He dipped his head to kiss her then and every thought of her job, her co-workers, the meeting they were having to make the final decisions about the case, everything disappeared from her mind. The only two people in the world were her and Spike and the past and the future didn't matter anymore as they clung to each, tongues doing battle in a gloriously exhilarating way. His hands slid over her body and up inside her shirt, there was just no way to fight the tidal wave of emotions he evoked in her, no way Buffy wanted to let this end. Last night had been beautiful but had ultimately left her wanting more, she realised as she pushed his coat from his shoulders and backed him up towards the bedroom. Though both the last time and this were about love, now it was also about passion and wanting. She needed to prove what he meant to her, and longed for him to do the same.

They stopped moving when his back hit the wall by the bedroom door and Buffy pressed herself against him. She was starting to wonder if they would make it to the bed before their passion overtook them, but she didn't care enough to stop.

The phone ringing threatened to ruin everything but as Spike started to pull away she pulled him right back.

"The machine'll get it" she said breathlessly "Oh Spike, I want you"

"Want you too" he mumbled against her skin "love you so much"

As predicted the answering machine clicked and Buffy felt sick when a familiar voice filled the room that previously had been silent, save for the heavy breathing of it's occupants.

"Summers, it's Finn. The meeting just got out and it's been decided. You can't handle this so we fit you with the wire for your next meeting with Blood, get the confession that way" Spike recoiled in shock, as Buffy shook he head in disbelief and dread "One way or another, that scum is going down for what he did" was Finn's final words before the machine beeped and the message ended.

Buffy's mouth opened and closed of it's own accord as she tried to think of something, anything to say that might help. Spike looked even more stunned than she felt and so incredibly pained. Less than a minute ago they'd been almost as close as two humans could be and now there might as well be a ten mile ravine at their feet. If there was Buffy felt she'd be quite content to throw herself in, especially when Spike shoved her away and ran for the door.

- - - - - - -

Spike's mind was in over-drive, a nasty contrast to the light-headed wonder of losing himself in everything he felt for Buffy. Now he was running, so fast that the muscles in his legs burned at the sudden activity and his lungs couldn't cope with the oxygen requirement. Tears stained his face as he exited the building and shot down a back alley. He leaned back against a wall there, hiding from the light, from the world, as he had before.

As he tried in desperation to breathe more evenly, a million thoughts and fears spun through his already muddled brain. He loved Buffy, and she said she loved him, they were about to prove that love once again and suddenly...it was all a lie, a trick, an illusion. She was undercover, probably a cop, and she was out to get him. She'd betrayed him, made him feel things he shouldn't be allowed to feel anymore and it wasn't even real.

He laughed and cried all at the same time, screaming up to the heavens, begging that they tell him why. Why had he been cursed as he had, to carry on living when she was gone. His black goddess, his dark princess. Why when she passed over did they not let him go too. The fires of hell would be better than this, to live with the guilt, the pain, the anger and sadness that washed around inside him like acid, burning away anything good til he was just a shell of his former self, forced to live out his existence in a world painted black and grey.

Then came Buffy, and the light returned, like sun through clouds. Things had meaning again, the warmth of life and love returned to him. He was a human being, or more than that, he was a man in love, a man who was loved. Oh, how could he have been so stupid to believe a woman like her could love him as she convinced him she did? How could anyone love what he had become.

In floods of tears and full of sadness and rage, Spike sank to his knees on the filthy ground and recalled the last time he'd ever felt this wretched. A handful of pills and a bottle of vodka, a toast to his lost love and the pain was soon over, but not for eternity as it should have been. Meddling neighbours had seen to that, called an ambulance. Doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, a flurry of do-gooders that ultimately did him no good at all.

The sun was sinking fast and Spike felt as if it took his heart along with it. What was there to live for in a world where everything he got close to turned bad? Like the anti-Midas, turning gold to ashes with every touch, it seemed his last ditch attempt at misguided happiness only proved how impossible it would be.

From here on out he was doomed. If he avoided a sentence, he was certain losing Buffy would be the death of him, he was in too deep to live without her now, knowing that she never even truly cared for him, at least he'd had that much when he lost Dru. Now his beautiful love was his final hope. He could only pray that she forgave him as he began to run again, through the back alleys towards the building where he lived. He would not be stopping at the second floor tonight, he'd keep on pressing ahead until he stood on top of the world, where he'd happily throw himself out of this wretched plane of existence, and into the next.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : What do you think to that then? Review, and let me know please :-)  
Anyone who is now wishing they had some humour-fic to read, give me a few hours, I'm hoping have the next chapter of So Mote It Be ready for you later :-)


	11. Chapter 11

A/N : We've come back round to this story again in the great big merry-go-round of fic updates. Thanx for the latest reviews; Mr Lennox I pressume, Onion Petal, Amandamanda3, Anyanka0705, dina, msberry, Xtremely-Canadian, spikeswife1, Mariana, Elizance. It means a lot to me whenever I get a nice review, but this fic is so different to all the others I have written, it's extra good to knowing you're enjoying it :-)   
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)   
_

Chapter 11

It took a few moments for Buffy's mind to catch up with what was going on. All breath left her body as she replayed Riley's words in her mind. Spike knew. He knew the truth about who she was and what she was trying to do, only she wasn't trying anymore. She'd genuinely fallen in love with him and now...after hearing what he'd heard, Buffy was sure Spike thought it was all a lie.

Buffy was too shocked to cry or shout. She glanced up at the door that swung on it's hinges, clanging against the wall in what seemed like slow motion. Spike was gone, he'd run away from her because of what she was and because she'd lied to him. Was he afraid of her now, afraid to face up to the truth as she had been? Perhaps he really did have something to hide, but there was no way Buffy could believe it was cold-blooded murder as she'd been told.

With no thought in her head but finding her lover now, she pulled herself together and bolted for the door, determined to find Spike wherever he had gone, but where did she begin? As she barrelled down the stairs, she came to an abrupt halt on the other side of the main doors. There were several directions he could have taken, junctions and corners everywhere that he might have made a different decision at to her. In times of crisis where is the one place you would want to be, she asked herself as she spun around in the dark, hoping to catch sight of him or even a clue as to his whereabouts.

Eventually she realised his apartment might be a likely place. Though it was the most ridiculous place to go if you didn't want to be found, Buffy knew from past experience that when someone panics they do not always think rationally enough to consider that.

Tears streaked down her face as she ran down the street, feet pounding the pavement and lungs burning from the exertion of the activity. She was somewhat relieved when she saw his building come into view, though she had no idea where to begin when she finally caught up with him.

Two flights of stairs and she arrived outside his door. When she realised it had been left ajar she allowed herself to breathe and carefully pushed it open. She was surprised to find he wasn't there, but definite evidence that he had been just moments ago remained. The doors to the drinks cabinet were still swinging and an obvious space showed a bottle had been taken. Buffy looked around checking for other missing items, anything he might harm himself with for instance. She was grateful to see that the knife drawer in the kitchen was untouched and his car keys were still on the table by the window.

The light of the almost full moon shone in through the window, bathing the room in silver light, and Buffy wasn't sure if it made the room look romantic or more sinister. With a sob she allowed more tears to fall down her cheeks as she walked closer to the window and looked out.

"Where are you, Spike?" she cried, before a strange feeling of deja vu hit her. A memory sped back to the surface of her mind and she froze.

"Wow, you have a great view from here" she commented as casually as she could, trying to forget for a moment where she was, in the lion's den.

"Higher you go the better it looks" she heard his voice behind her, felt him standing close and she shivered involuntarily as she listened to him talk "Sometimes I sit out on the roof, at night when its quiet and still, you can't hear the traffic from up there, don't get the light from the streetlamps. It's just you and the night and the view..."

"Oh God" Buffy gasped in realisation, flying from the apartment. Ignoring the elevator, she barrelled up the stairs, taking them two at a time and running as fast as she could. She only hoped she made it before Spike did anything stupid.

- - - - - - - -

Spike was just coming past his apartment door when he decided he needed to make a stop before he headed for the roof. His nerve to take himself out of this mortal plain was wavering slightly and so he opted to take the bottle of Jack Daniels from the drinks cabinet in his apartment before continuing his journey to the roof.

He'd started swigging from the bottle before he'd even reached the limits of the building and he stumbled out through the door onto the roof, exhaustion both emotional and physical racking his body. The view was spectacular and he truly felt as if he were standing on top of the whole world, though inside he felt as if it were all falling apart.

Breathing unevenly he walked over and climbed up onto the low wall that stood on the edge of the roof. Below him was a sheer drop of fourteen floors onto solid concrete. There was little chance of anyone surviving a fall that big and Spike was glad. He sat down on the ledge, legs dangling into oblivion, best friend Jackie D at his side as he looked out at the view one more time.

What was there in this world to stick around for? It wasn't as if anyone was going to miss him, since the single one that he adored cared nothing for him at all. Drusilla had passed over, it was time he did the same, leave Buffy to plot against some other bloke, he thought as another mouthful of alcohol was swallowed and burned his throat.

Pulling himself to his feet once again, bottle gripped tight in his hand, Spike found a smile and declared a toast in the direction of the moon.

"Here's to you Buffy, for royally screwing up my world good and proper, and showing me what I should have known already...I've got no place in this world" he drank again before continuing with a second salute to the sky, "And here's to my darling Drusilla. I'm sorry my love, I hope when I get there you will forgive me my sins" he said as a tear ran down his cheek and he prepared to leap from his perch.

"Spike!" a voice behind him made him stumble, unfortunately scuppering his plans by propelling him backwards and onto the roof instead of off it. When he landed there in a heap the contents of his bottle spilling onto the ground beside him, he could find nothing left in him but an echoing painful laugh.

- - - - - - - -

"Spike!" Buffy yelled as she arrived on the roof, immediately regretting startling him as he stumbled and fell from his precarious position. She was so relieved to see him fall back towards her and not off the ledge as she'd feared. Immediately she ran to his side.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry you found out that way..." she was telling him as she ran to his side, somewhat surprised to find him not crying as she'd suspected, but laughing.

She crouched on the floor beside him, and noted the bottle in his hand. The laughter made more sense then. She reached out a hand to touch him, but he jerked away violently, backing up against the low wall he'd been standing on moments ago, his laughter dissipating immediately.

"I used to think that I could never be happy again" he said, eyes staring at something that wasn't there "used to think maybe I didn't deserve to be...after what I did"

Buffy was shaking with fear and panic as she desperately fought to speak.

"Spike, you didn't do anything" she told him as tears cascaded down her cheeks "you couldn't"

His eyes snapped up to look into hers and she was so disturbed by all the pain and anguish she saw there. She'd caused some if not all of that, and now she had to fix it, if only there was a way.

"You don't know me" he said coldly, finishing off the liquid from the bottle in his hand.

"How can you say that?" Buffy choked out, "How can you sit there and...?" she just didn't know where to begin, but fought to find words to make him see what he meant to her, despite the lies she'd told "I love you" she said firmly, making him look at her strangely "I never meant to, I was supposed to hate you, I was supposed to believe you were something bad but I can't" she moved a little closer to him, "not once I saw the real you"

"You never met the real me" he said sadly, staring off in the other direction again, "He died when she did"

Buffy hated that he couldn't even bring himself to look at her, and she hated that she'd caused him to get into such a state. She may not believe the terrible things she heard about Spike, but it seemed as if he did. If that were true, wouldn't it mean all she'd been told was correct? That he really had murdered his girlfriend?

"Tell me what really happened to Drusilla" she said, calmly as she could. She was running the risk of hearing a confession she didn't want, but she had to know for sure.

His head turned then and his bright blue eyes locked back onto hers. With a calm even tone he answered her.

"I killed her"

Buffy's head spun as she realised the implications of what he'd said. Not only was he admitting to murder, making him guilty of the crime he was rumoured to have committed, but also it meant that if she'd been sent in to meet him wearing that wire any sooner, that would have been the end for them, as soon as those three words left his mouth. Still she couldn't accept it was so simple.

"I don't believe that Spike" she told him just as firmly "I can't. You loved her, you couldn't do that to her, I don't believe you could do that to anybody. You don't have it in you" she said with as shake of her head, desperate to not cry anymore, but finding it impossible to stop as Spike clambered to his feet, wobbling all the way.

"You reckon?" he asked with a tilt of his head "You think you could? Take a life?" he continued, not truly wanting an answer "To save yours? To save me? To save your precious job?" he spat nastily and Buffy swallowed hard.

"This isn't about me" she told him and he shook his head.

"Oh, but it is, pet" he said with an almost manic smile, "Everything is about you, has been since you walked into the club that first night and I saw you"

With an almighty smash he threw the bottle to the ground and Buffy jumped to her feet for fear of the shards of glass hitting her "God, you had me fooled, just like you were s'posed to" Spike laughed like he were insane and Buffy only cried harder.

"I'm sorry" she yelled over his noise "I know it's not enough, but it's the truth" she begged him to understand but there seemed to be no way to get through to him, though his laughter died again as it had before.

"It's never enough" he said, tears in his eyes now "not for you, not for me, not for her..." he looked up at the star studded sky as he climbed back up onto the wall and Buffy panicked.

"Spike, please come away from the edge" she pleased with him, unsure whether she should move closer to him or back away "You're scaring me" she told him desperately and when he turned his head to look at her tears were rolling down his face too.

"You don't know what scared is, luv" he said gruffly "Not really. What it's like to be afraid for your freedom, for your sanity, for your life"

When he turned back to look out at the view, Buffy took a few tentative steps forward, hoping if she could just make it to the edge, she might be able to grab him, and pull him back out of danger. "I sometimes wonder if she was afraid, or did she welcome it" he continued softly as she reached him "the freedom, the light...maybe I should have followed her then"

"Spike, no" Buffy told him, knowing all too well what he meant. He just shook his head once again.

"It doesn't matter anymore" he cried "It never did. No-one needs me here...not even you"

"I do need you!" she told him frantically, praying that she might get through to him if she just kept talking "I don't know how it happened but I do need you. I love you"

"Even if I'm a murderer?" he asked her with a look that she was certain was meant to scare her, but it didn't.

"You're not, Spike" she told him, reaching out a hand to his arm, glad when he didn't push her away "I won't believe it, I can't"

"You did before" he said sadly, looking down at her "You must've"

"I didn't know you then!" she told him, hand gripping onto his wrist for dear life "I do now. After all that's happened, after what we did..." she realised she was quite angry as well as upset at the implication, as she yelled "You really think I could do that for a job?! You really think I could...give myself to you and not love you?!" she cried, tears almost blinding her to the point where she couldn't see his face. As her vision cleared slightly he looked down at her with some sort of understanding, or so she thought. Had she finally said enough, the right thing to make him see her love for him was real.

"I don't know" he croaked, looking down at the drop and then back at her. He shook his head, stepping down from the edge and causing Buffy to sigh with relief.

"I don't know anything anymore..." he told her sadly "except that I loved you, God how I loved you" he took a step towards her and her fingers slipped down from his wrist til her hand was holding his "I never thought I'd be able to feel like that again, but you..." he said so softly, the fingers of his other hand reaching out to her face but not quite making contact. Like someone flicked a switch, Buffy watched his face harden and his hands slipped away from her "What did you do to me?!" he yelled angrily, turning away from her and running his hands back through his hair.

"I'm sorry" Buffy told him, crying hard still. She was running out of ideas of what to say or do.

"No use in being sorry, luv" he said sadly, "it doesn't do any good"

She wanted to hold him so badly and promise him they could make it all right again, but she wasn't even sure if it were true. She loved him, she knew that for sure, but could she promise she would if the accusations against him were proven to be true? He'd said it, just moments ago, admitted that he killed Drusilla, but it couldn't be that simple. Neither could his loving her before but not now.

"You said you loved me" she reminded him, and he turned to look at her sideways "You don't anymore?" she asked, afraid of either answer. She watched him walk back over to the edge, and look down at the sheer drop.

"Even if you can't love me now" she called desperately behind him "please don't leave me. Not when I've just realised how much I need you, how much I really love you" she didn't think it were possible for her to cry anymore but she just could not stop. Tears upon tears that fell like torrential rain from her eyes, the pain inside of her, gut-wrenching guilt tearing her to shreds.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take" Spike's hands gripped the bricks he'd stood on moments before as he listened to her sob and cry.

"I want to help, Spike, please" Buffy cautiously covered the ground between them. she had very little left to lose, she had to at least try to fix this "I've done a terrible thing, I know that" she told him, still sniffing as she put a hand on his back "but now we have to prove that you haven't"

"But it's my fault" he mumbled, head still down "mine, and his, but I can't..." he was openly crying like a child by now and Buffy wanted to comfort him, but something he'd just said caught her attention.

"His? His, who?" she asked him "Spike, who are you talking about now"

He coughed and choked on what he meant to say, trying to be calm. All the emotion of the past year and a half had come flooding out, aided by alcohol and driving him to breaking point, but when he looked over at Buffy, there was something there in his eyes that she recognised. Genuine fear shone through with the pain, and she knew he was telling her something he probably never told anyone before.

"The devil with the angel's face, she called him" he said, voice shaking as his body did the same "O'Connor"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Slightly surprised? Or did we all see that coming? Let me know what you think by reveiwing as always! Thanx :-)


	12. Chapter 12

A/N : Seems I surprised a few people with the last line of the previous chapter then, huh? Yes, Angel is a bad guy, but just how bad is as yet unclear...all will be revealed in good time, and in the meantime, I want to thank; Onion Petal, spikezbaybeegurl, Amandamanda3, Elizance, Mr Lennox I pressume, Cosmo, Xtremely-Canadian, CraZy4SpikE09, spikeswife1, Ahna the Bloody, for all the great reviews. Here;s the next part...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 12

"The devil with the angel's face, she called him...O'Connor" Spike regretted the words as soon as he'd said them. He'd promised himself that he'd never speak of all this to anyone, but then he'd been making a habit of breaking those promises he'd made to himself just a few months ago. Never to let another woman get close to him, never to let himself fall in love, never to allow himself a moment when his guilt was not the main feeling in his heart and mind.

He closed his eyes and wished the world away. Wished he were anywhere but here with Buffy at his side, still clutching his hand and looking so pale, scared and strangely shocked. Wished he'd managed to throw himself off this damn building before she had caught up with him.

"Angel" he heard her say quietly, almost to herself. When she continued more loudly and he knew she was speaking to him, he made an effort to look at her.

"Liam O'Connor?" she checked, "Is that who you're talking about, Spike?"

He didn't have it in him to lie anymore and he nodded his head in answer to her question. There was nothing left for him to lose now. He'd already risked his heart, his mind, and his very life tonight. There was nothing that could make this moment any worse.

- - - - - - - -

To say she was in shock would possibly be the biggest understatement of the century she thought to herself as she tried to form some kind of sentence she could say to Spike. He looked so drained, emotionally and physically. The alcohol doubled up with the stress and anxiety had all taken it's toll. The cold of the night made them both shiver, though their situation was not helping either.

How could Angel be a part of all this? He was the one behind the whole operation to bring Spike down for Drusilla's murder. Buffy mentally slapped herself as she realised what an idiot she was. Of course he wanted Spike to be proven guilty if he was behind the crime, still it didn't make any sense. If Spike was innocent why would he ever make a confession of murder, and yet that is what he'd done, just moments ago.

"Spike, listen to me" she said as calmly as she could, his eyes were closed again and he faced away from her, "Listen to me, please" she begged of him, putting a hand to his face. He looked at her then, blue eyes shining with tears that he fought against. She realised then she was looking at a broken man, his whole world was in pieces and she played a part in that. For that she would be eternally sorry, but for the part that Angel played she swore to herself he would suffer.

"We're going to go back down to your apartment" she told him gently, "I'm going to help you and we're going to figure all this out, I promise" she felt like she was talking to a child in some ways, putting it all into simple words and with a kind tone. Still he looked unsure, but she was glad he wasn't pulling away from her touch at least.

A few moments more and he took a deep breath before he spoke to her.

"Why do you love me?" he asked her, voice hoarse from yelling and crying, "You know what I am. How can you?"

Buffy was stunned by the question and very unsure as to how she should answer. How could she even begin to explain how and why she loved Spike as she did? Still, she smiled slightly, so glad that at least he believed her love for him was real.

"Where do I start?" she sighed, "I love you because I never met anyone like you" she began "Because every time you look at me I feel dizzy and get goosebumps, and when you touch me I feel like a goddess. I love you because you're kind and gentle, and somehow you make me feel so wanted without making me feel pressured. I love your smile, and the way you kiss me, and the way you made love to me last night..." her voice disappeared, drowned out by emotion as she moved closer to him and wiped tears from his face with her fingers, "Do you think somehow" she said in a whisper near his ear, "when all this is over, you could still love me?"

- - - - - - - -

Spike could feel Buffy shaking as she leaned in close to him and asked if there was any way he might still love her. Though he knew it made him an idiot, his feelings for her were as strong as ever, perhaps stronger when he realised that despite all she knew he'd done, she still loved him. That had to mean something, and he was fairly certain that even the best of actresses couldn't fake all this. Tears could be shed for show, words could be easily ad-libbed to suit the occasion, but no-one's eyes could lie for them. Such fear he saw in those hazel orbs when she thought he might end his life, such panic when he'd said O'Connor's name and now genuine love, the like of which he hadn't seen in so long, and even then only ever from one other.

"Buffy" he whispered, emotion cracking his voice, "I never knew I could love anyone the way I love you" he told her, "and even if I wanted to stop, I don't think I ever could"

She managed a weak smile at that but he couldn't return it, not after all this, he didn't have it in him. Without a word she helped him to his feet and they headed for the door that led back down the stairs to his apartment. His head was full of jumbled thoughts and memories, a million facts, names, dates, all of which she was going to want him to confirm or deny, all of which he'd concealed for so long. Still, if he had to trust anybody, it had to be her. No-one was like Buffy, no-one in the world was...

"Buffy" he said her name and she turned to look at him just as they arrived at his front door, and he frowned, "Is that your real name?" he asked. He'd just suddenly realised that it probably wasn't, after all she was undercover.

"Yes" she told him with a nod, "or it used to be...my real name is Elizabeth Summers" she explained, "These days most people call me Lizzy but my family and my close friends still use Buffy. My Mom started calling me Bethie when I was a little kid but I couldn't say that. I used to call myself Buffy and it kinda stuck" she grinned in spite of herself at the innocent childhood memory and was pleased to see he managed a slight smile too.

"Buffy Summers" he said softly, his fingers passing gently over her hair as they stood there by the door, "It suits you better" he decided and she nodded once, before turning to open the door that had been left swinging as she'd run after him before.

They went inside and she got him to sit down at the table whilst she went through to the kitchen to make some coffee.

- - - - - - - -

Buffy was scared she'd drop the mugs as she tried to make coffee for herself and Spike. She was shaking so badly and there didn't seem to be a way to make herself stop. A simple enough case, that's what she'd thought when she'd first been assigned to the Blood investigation. Now things were so different.

The story was that late one night Drusilla Walker had decided to shoot herself in the head, after several months of strange behaviour and depression. The verdict was suicide, at least for while, but the case had been re-opened when a witness said they saw a man go into the apartment where Drusilla's body was found. Unfortunately the witness was an elderly lady with some memory issues and was not entirely sure of what she'd seen and heard that night.

The gun had been checked again for fingerprints and DNA, and William Blood's name came up at this point. Shortly after Miss Walkers death, Blood had disappeared from town then re-surfaced again, complete with regular appointments at a local psychiatrists office. Research was done, and it started to become clear the best way to handle this case was to take the undercover route, get him to confess without really even knowing he'd done it, or have the woman who took the job find some kind of further evidence.

Elizabeth Summers was quick to accept when offered the chance to be undercover-girl. She was desperate to prove she could handle a case such as this and Angel was quick to give her anything she asked for. She was a definite favourite of his though she'd never given him any reason to like her so much.

Buffy had thought it would all be fairly routine. If this guy was as guilty as Angel and Riley told her he was, and he'd been seeing a shrink about his problems, it probably wouldn't take much to get him to crack. What Buffy never banked on was that she'd fall in love with the man she was supposed to send to jail. Now she was in his apartment, after having stopped him from throwing himself off a high-rise, making coffee with shaking hands and moments away from hearing a completely new version of the events she felt she'd learnt by heart.

Somehow Liam O'Connor was involved, and that shocked her to start with. Surely he wouldn't be so stupid as to think Spike would admit to a murder that he committed, but then these things were never so simple, she knew that.

- - - - - - - -

"Here" said Buffy as she came back into the room where Spike waited, and put a mug of hot coffee in front of him on the table. He mumbled his thanks and sipped at the steaming liquid, glad to ease his dry throat and warm up his body.

Buffy sat down opposite him and he closed his eyes, expelling a weary breath as he realised this was it. He had to tell her the whole story, something he'd never repeated in any kind of detail, not even to the doctor he'd seen for weeks following that dreadful day.

"Spike?" she said uncertainly, reaching a hand across the table to cover his, but he flinched away. He didn't deserve to have her touching him, not like this, not in this moment. She may have tricked him, he realised, and that was wrong, but she'd done it for the greater good, to make him pay as he should've before.

"I don't know where to start" he said softly, opening his eyes to look at her, and Buffy looked back with sympathy written on her face.

"How about you and Drusilla, how you met maybe?" she suggested, "Or if that's too painful..."

"No" he interrupted, "I'd rather talk about that than..." he couldn't even bring himself to say 'her death', he hated to even think about it.

He started to smile as he thought back to how good life had been, back in the beginning. Drusilla had changed his life when he'd first met her and he supposed he'd changed hers too. He sometimes wondered if they might both have been better off if they'd never met, but he wouldn't trade the memories he had of their time together for anything else in the world. She was the first woman he had truly loved, and the first to love him in return. Now here he was sitting opposite the second, the only other woman he'd ever felt this strongly for, about to spill out every detail of his 'past life' as it were, since he couldn't even see himself as the same person anymore.

"Spike?" he heard Buffy prompt him again and he took a deep breath before he began.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : I know it's kind of a cliffhanger but I want to start a whole new chapter for the trip into Spike and Dru's past, hope you don't mind. As always, reviews will be very apreciated :-)

For those who are also reading Your Big Day, I have updated that today too!


	13. Chapter 13

A/N : Slightly different style this chapter, hope you approve. Thanx to the latest reviewers; Mr Lennox I pressume, Elizance, Xtremely-Canadian, scarletibis, spikeswife1. If anyone is reading and not leaving a review could I ask that you take a little time just to say that you read it and whether you like it or not. Thanx, it really does help me :-)

(For disclaimer et. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 13

2 years ago

"Oh, sorry pet, didn't see you" the stranger said as he took hold of the girls arm to keep her from falling. She'd run down the stairs and out of the door so fast she found she couldn't stop even when she saw someone stood in her path.

"I know you" she told him as she took in his appearance. Bright blue eyes, bleached blond hair, sharp cheekbones, gorgeous body evident through tight black T-shirt and jeans, "You walk past here every morning and every night" she said and he nodded slowly.

"I do" he agreed, "I work just round the corner" he said, eyes fixed on her face. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen in his life, contrasting pale skin with raven hair, and large dark eyes a man could drown in.

Neither the man nor woman seemed to notice they still held onto each other now.

"What's your name?" she asked him with such childish innocence and he smiled when he answered.

"William Blood" he told her, "though my mates call me Spike these days...and who might you be, luv?" he asked.

She turned troubled eyes back to the stairway she had come down and he wondered what sort of distress she might be in.

"I am to be yours" she told him as she turned back, "and you will be my saviour"

- - - - - - -

As a child, William had been taught by his father that men did not cry unless they were poofters and nancy boys. When that great man had died and he'd been sent to live with his mother in the cruel harsh environment of downtown Los Angeles, showing emotions was simply not an option. It was kill or be killed, take your bloody pick, and William soon had a reputation that you didn't want to question. Still, he'd never taken the killing to be anything more than an expression, not until a few months ago.

Now here he sat, bawling like a baby into his empty coffee cup as Buffy moved to sit beside him, her hand on his back rubbing circles and trying to soothe him. The story he told, a re-telling of past events that ended so tragically, it was tearing him apart, but he knew he must go on.

"Spike, I'm sorry" Buffy told him, tears on her own cheeks at the sight of his pain, "I know this must be so hard but..."

"But you have to know the truth" he choked out the end of her sentence for her, "I understand that, I do" he sniffed and tried to regain his composure.

"It's okay" the blonde told him softly, "In your own time, I'm not going anywhere, you take as long as you want"

The sun was beginning to rise, the pot of coffee had long turned cold, and yet the story had only just begun...

2 years ago

"Drusilla" Spike echoed, "Beautiful name for a beautiful woman" he told her and she smiled, ducking her face behind her hair.

"You will make a gallant knight, sir" she said when she looked at him again. He wasn't sure what to say to that but this woman really did intrigue him, and not in the same way others had done. She was different, less forward and brash than a lot of girls that came onto him in such clubs as the one they sat in now. She didn't look like she was dressed for a party or a night out, but she was beautiful nonetheless and a mystery so far.

"What I'm not understanding, pet, is how you see me every day, but I've never seen you" he said as the drinks he'd ordered from the barman finally arrived and he paid for them.

"I watch from the window" she replied, swirling her drink around in the glass so she didn't have to look at him, "Watching the world go by but never allowed to be a part of it" she said sadly and Spike wondered what she meant by that.

Knowing what he did about this part of LA and it's people, he knew only too well the horrors the girl might suffer. Was she kept prisoner by her parents, or a husband perhaps? Did they hurt her or just not look after her? How could anyone ever want to deny this woman anything or want to cause her harm? He couldn't understand at all, but then she had said he was to be her saviour...

"And I'm supposed to, what? Save the princess from the tower now, am I?" he asked, half joking, testing the water as it were to see what he reaction might be.

"I think someone must" she replied, tears forming behind her eyes, "If Mummy marries the Big Bad Wolf, I am certain to be eaten whole"

- - - - - - -

"Angel?" Buffy guessed that's who was being referred to, "He married Drusilla's mother?"

Spike shook his head, wiping a further stray tear from his cheek.

"Never actually got wed, but he made Darla think they would" he explained, swallowing hard, "She was just desperate to be wanted. Dru's Dad was nearly twenty years older, havin' a filthy affair with her until he found out she was pregnant...she was only seventeen years old when she had Dru"

Buffy didn't have words to reply to that. When she was seventeen she was still in High School, a virgin who had only really had one semi-serious boyfriend, and her biggest worries were flunking Math and having last month's hair. She couldn't imagine what it must be like to be Darla. The mistress in a sordid affair, and abandoned by her man when she found she was carrying his child.

"She treated her badly?" Buffy's guess was met my a sad nod from Spike.

"She resented her I s'pose" he said, staring at an invisible mark on the table top, "The way Dru told it, by the time Darla realised she was pregnant and that Luke didn't want it or her anymore, it was too late to get rid" he paused as he re-counted the days when Drusilla would cry so much and tell him all the trials and tribulations her mother had gone through, and then of her own meaningless existence.

"Luke'd send enough cash Darla's way so she wouldn't show up and wreck his marriage. Dru was more dragged up than brought up, since Darla spent most of her money on drink to dull the pain" he laughed painfully at that, "I got to learn how that feels" he said sadly.

"Spike, I don't understand" Buffy admitted, "I know it's hard for you but you have to tell me more"

He nodded and tried to concentrate as he continued his narrative.

18 months ago

"Spike?" Drusilla called into the darkness of the alley, shrieking first with shock and then with laughter when he grabbed her from behind, swung her round and pressed her back to the wall, "There's my boy" she grinned before he kissed her til she was breathless.

"More trouble than usual gettin' out tonight, pet?" he asked when they finally broke for air. She nodded sadly.

"Mummy cried for her bottle but Step-Daddy wouldn't give it to her til she played his games" she shuddered involuntarily at the thoughts of what went on behind the bedroom door. She heard things, things she didn't like to think about but was forced to hear through walls as thin as paper, the front door bolted to prevent her escape.

"I found the key and got out but Mr Giles saw me in the hall" she explained, referring to her neighbour. He was a kindly English man, a little rough around the edges but then you had to be to live in that part of town. Dru had looked to him as almost a father figure as a child and Spike presumed her strange mixed accent came from growing up with an Englishman close by.

"He asked if I was okay, again" she said, glancing away. Spike knew she was far from okay with her situation at home, living constantly in fear and terror, but what was to be done about it?

It seemed clear to him that Darla stuck to Angel for the money he seemed to always have and him to her for sexual favours on demand. Lately though, another factor was coming to light. Though it was only ever a clue here or there in passing, it seemed to Spike as if Angel was making advances to his girl.

A man could not be blamed for unknowingly hitting on Spike's woman, since no-one really knew they were together. Drusilla had been screamed at and even hit by her mother for the lesser crimes than sneaking out of the house. If she knew it was all to be with a guy like Spike, Drusilla was convinced her mother would kill her. Though Spike wondered if that might be a slightly far-fetched statement, he dare not argue. He couldn't lose Drusilla, in the past months he'd fallen so head over heel in love with her. He promised to get some money together, do whatever it took, so they could leave LA together. He worked three jobs and saw Dru whenever he could, living for their time together and the future he planned for them.

"I have to go back, Spike" she said sadly as he held her tight, "Before they know I'm gone"

"I hoped we'd get longer than a few snatched minutes tonight Dru" he sighed, "Being away from you so much is killing me, and these moments are sweet torture"

"Soon, my love" she told him, running her fingers through his hair and down his cheek, "Soon, I'll be free to be yours" she smiled, before kissing him soundly.

Spike watched a moment later as she ran back into the building, hoping for her sake that she managed to get back inside before her mother and the git emerged from the bedroom and found her gone.

- - - - - - -

"She made it that night" Spike said shakily, "but there were times when she got caught...the bruises she had, the way her mother treated her and I couldn't..." his voice disappeared to nothing as the emotion overtook him once again and he cried.

"Did Angel hit her too?" Buffy asked him, hating that he was going through so much pain right now but desperate to know the truth so she could at least try to fix some of the mess that had been made.

Spike shook his head in the negative, still crying and Buffy told him to take his time A few moments later he could speak again.

"He'd never hit her, was never violent back then" he explained, "She was why he stuck with Darla, even though she was older and almost always drunk..." his eyes snapped up to meet Buffy's then and she shivered at the severity of his gaze, when he said "He wanted Drusilla to be his"

A/N2 : Please review and let me know if you're still reading this. It really does encourage me to write more and I do need the support with this fic. It's different to anything I ever wrote before and s I really do need to kn ow if it's good or not. I'll update again as soon as I can, and in the meantime, I have also updated 'Your Big Day' tonight, for those who are interested :-)


	14. Chapter 14

A/N : Hey gang! Yes, I'm back - did you even noticed I was gone? Well, it has been just over a month since I updated this fic, which I apologise profusely for. If you want to know why I was gone so long, check my profile page. Thanx so much for all the supportive reviews on the previous chapter, Amandamanda3, Xtremely-Canadian, aphelant, sunnyhell, Mr Lennox I pressume, GoldenAngl99, Kez, Mariana, hopefulhappiness90, Raven, msberry, spikeswife1. I am really pleased to know you like this story still. It's kind of developed a life of it's own and run off in a slightly different direction to originally planned but then this seems to be happening with a lot of my stories lately. Not to worry, at least I have some idea of where it's going, that's always of the good. Now, here's the latest chapter which I hope you enjoy.  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 14

12 months ago

"Tell me again, Spike" Drusilla sighed as they lie together in his bed, his arms around her, "Tell me the pretty story of how it'll be"

Spike smiled at her childishly innocent tone, and kissed the top of her head. This was the first night in a long time when Dru had managed to get away for a decent amount of time. Angel had taken Darla out, something he hardly ever did, but it was a fair assumption that they wouldn't be back til the early hours of the morning, giving Drusilla and Spike a good amount of time together. On nights like this they would go to his apartment and after they'd made the most beautiful love she would often ask for the story of their future that he painted so brightly.

"We're going to leave here, Dru" he told her, "I'm going to get the money and we're going to go anywhere you want to start over. I'll treat you like the princess you are, luv" he promised her "And we'll go where we want and do what we want..."

"We'll have parties" she grinned, "With streamers and songs"

"That we will, my love" he said as he kissed her tenderly, "You and me Dru, the world will be ours"

"Princess wants to go now" she said, suddenly looking sad, "Daddy asks to play too much" she looked away and Spike hated knowing she was stuck in this awful situation. That Angel bloke was a prize git but Dru was too afraid to tell her mother how he tried it on, and even more petrified of mentioning Spike to her.

"Soon, pet" her boyfriend promised her, "Won't be long now and we'll escape"

"Fly away on fairy wings?" she asked with tears in her eyes that it almost killed Spike to see.

"Yes, luv" he nodded, pulling her body close to his, "On fairy wings"

- - - - - - -

On the third floor of an apartment building, two people sat either side of a table, both with stone cold coffee mugs held in their hands and tear stains on their faces. The sun had risen an hour ago, but neither one had noticed the change from dark to light. Despite the bright rays of day that came in through the window, a dark cloud still hung over them alone.

Buffy felt almost numb after the events of the night before. Too many tears spilt and too many emotions felt, she thought she'd run out of feelings and salt-water to cry after so many hours. Her world had been turned on it's head in the past few weeks, but last night had been the final straw. William Blood, who's police file told of violence and murder, had so far turned out to be nothing more than a man who loved a woman. Her life had ended too abruptly, but at whose hands was as yet not completely clear.

Buffy was filled with this terrible mixture of feelings. She wanted and needed to know what happened next in the terrible tale from his past that Spike told. At the same time she hated the pain and tears all this was causing him and herself. Like a news report on some huge highway traffic accident, you don't want to watch but something you can't understand fixes your eyes to the bloodied bodies of the injured and the twisted metal that proved how much destruction had been caused.

"It wasn't easy making money" Spike was suddenly talking again, his voice cracking with more feeling than he should have left and hoarse from crying so much, "That part of town, unqualified as I was, it was all I could do to pay my rent, clothe myself and eat each day. I waited tables, worked as a bar tender, and helped out at a garage, spending any spare time I could with Dru...nearly killed myself trying to save her, and it wasn't enough" he shook his head, looking down at his fingers, tracing patterns in the wood of the table top.

"What happened next?" Buffy knew she had to ask, and immediately Spike's hands stilled their movement, before nails dug into the wood hard enough to leave marks, "Spike?" Buffy said worriedly, noticing the angry expression on his face now.

Though he knew he had to tell her, Spike had trouble finding words as fury almost strong as it had been then surged through his veins. A memory he wished he could lock away settled in the front of his mind and two empty coffee mugs sailed from the table, crashing onto the floor.

Buffy was on her feet in seconds, trying to hide how startled she was but failing miserably. When Spike looked up at her, his anger was subsiding. He realised how his behaviour affected her and felt sorry for it. Desperate to be calm for her sake if not his own, he took a couple of deep breaths with his eyes closed before he spoke again.

"It got worse" he said, swallowing hard, "after Darla died..."

- - - - - - -

"Dru, sweetheart, please don't" Spike begged as she sobbed into his shoulder. He'd suffered many a physical and emotional blow in his time but nothing hurt so much as the sight of his darling girl's tears.

"She was mean and nasty to Princess" Drusilla cried, her words somewhat muffled by the leather of Spike's coat, "but she was Mummy, and there'll never be another"

"I know, pet" he said softly, holding her tight to him and rubbing a hand on her back. Despite Darla's terrible behaviour towards her daughter, the young woman was mourning as if her greatest friend had just passed away. Spike felt awful for her naturally, and though he hated it, he knew that he understood why she cried. His parents were not the best in the world but when he received the news of their deaths he still mourned, still felt some kind of loss, even though it was several years since he'd last seen them.

"Daddy cries" Drusilla's voice brought him back to the present and Spike tensed at the mention of O'Connor, even if it was not yet by name, "He cries and tells me I am all he has now Mummy chose to be with the stars"

"You are not his to have, luv" Spike told her, pulling away til he could see her face and wiping tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, "You're my precious, dearest, darling, princess, Drusilla" he emphasised each word with a kiss across her face until his lips landed on hers.

"Make it stop, Spike" she whispered between kisses, "For a little while, make it stop"

"Whatever you want, baby, it's done" he promised her, as he began to make love to her. It was all he could do for her right now, though there was so much more he wished he could do.

Now Darla was gone he had no doubt Angel's advances would only become worse and more frequent towards Dru. He'd offered her to come and live with him but Spike knew she wouldn't leave unless they were getting out of town. It was a complete break or none at all, she knew she'd never be free just down the street in another apartment. Angel would find them and Drusilla had got it into her head that he would kill Spike for sure.

Though he swore he had no problems fighting off his enemies, Drusilla still refused to hear of her 'brave knight' taking on 'Daddy'. If she lost Spike she would truly have lost everything, whether it be in death at Angel hands or emotionally broken from committing such a crime as murder himself.

"When we leave this place" Spike told her as he lay her down on the bed, "It'll be a new start for us, and our lives will be whatever you want them to be"

"The world will be our oyster" she smiled, unbuttoning his shirt, "and all the bells will ring, ring, ring..."

- - - - - - -

"She said the weirdest things sometimes" Spike smiled in spite of himself as the memories washed over him, "but she loved me, Buffy" he said, painfully serious again as he looked over at her, "She loved me and she trusted me and...I let her down"

"I don't understand" the blonde shook her head slightly.

She remembered all too well the various stories she'd been told were the truth about Drusilla Walkers demise. It couldn't be all Spike's fault she knew that now, and Angel, despite all that he'd done had so far not seemed so very violent in Spike's version of the past. That only left suicide and surely Spike couldn't feel this guilty if Dru took her own life. She wanted to ask if it were true, wanted to just get it over with, but the words wouldn't come. Instead she urged him to proceed with the painful tale.

"Eventually you got out of LA" she said slowly, "You came here?"

"We did" Spike nodded once, "but it didn't do any good"

The look on his face when his eyes met hers made Buffy phyically shudder and when he spoke his tone was so cold and lost in the deafening silence that she could hradly breathe.

"There are some things that are impossible to outrun"

- - - - - - -

"I didn't mean it, Princess didn't mean it" Drusilla cried, as she ran from the doors and down the street. Spike was stunned when he saw her and she fell into his arms sobbing.

"Drusilla, luv, what the bloody hell's happening?" he asked with a frown.

"Didn't mean it, Spike, Princess is sorry, she didn't mean it" the young woman continued to ramble on and on and Spike tried to make sense of what she was saying. He'd been on his way to meet her, around the corner from her home as planned, after Angel went out for more alcohol supplies. He guessed O'Connor was behind Drusilla's wild behaviour. If he'd hurt her, Spike was not going to be responsible for his actions...

"Pet, what did he do?" he asked, pushing her away enough to see her tear stained face.

"Bad Daddy. Bad Princess. All bad and dark..." she continued with her incoherent run of words and Spike knew he was going to get no sense from her til she was calm again. He cared more for her welfare right now than pummelling the one who might have harmed her.

"Come on, luv, home with me" he said gently, wrapping an arm around her and checking no-one followed as they set off towards his apartment.

"He knows, Spike" she whispered after a while, "He knows my knight watches over me"

"You told Angel about me?" the young man was surprised and not entirely sure whether he should be glad about her confession or not.

"He held so tight" Drusilla said, almost guilty, "Said if baby couldn't breathe, she couldn't scream..."

Spike's blood started to boil in his veins as he realsied what his woman's devil step-father had tried to do to her, but there was a slight releif in that the bastard hadn't succeeded.

"I remembered what I saw, my Spike" she said, ceasing walking and turning to look up at him with wide, dark eyes, "Remembered how the ruffians in the street fight their battles...and I lashed out, lashed and bashed, til Daddy bled all rosy red" she smiled slightly at the thought before turning deadly serious again, "I did scream, Spike, I screamed and said I loved you, I love you, I love you" she repeated over and over as she reached up to kiss him deeply, "I love you and he knows it now" she whispered.

"It's okay, kitten" Spike told her gently, pushing her hair from her face, "We have enough money to get out of here now" he decided, already doing calculations in his head, altering their plans to fit, "We can't go as far away as we wanted but, it'll be alright"

"My sweet boy will protect me" Drusilla smiled, hugging him tight out of pure love and pure relief combined.

"Always, pet" Spike swore, holding her close and breathing in the scent of her hair, "I promise"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : With any luck the next chapter will be up in much less time than it took for me to get this one posted! In the meantime please do review. I hope no-one has been put off reading by my lack of updates...  
Also updated today : So Mote It Be


	15. Chapter 15

A/N : This story is, in some ways, the most difficult to write, since the darkness does not come naturally to me. I'm glad you people that are reading think I'm doing well though, especially pleased that Drusilla is apparently so in-character, heaven only knows how I get into that weird girl's head but somehow it just happens! Hopefully Buffy and Spike, and everyone else, remain in-character too and that you're not disappointed by the way the story goes. Thanx to the latest reviewers; spikeswife1, greatwite2, Rhonda, Xtremely-Canadian, Amandamanda3, sheilamarie. Here's the new chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 15

Buffy poured another two coffees for herself and Spike. She'd been running on pure adrenaline for a while there, but now she felt so exhausted and emotionally drained the caffeine was all that was keeping her functioning. She could tell Spike felt equally bad if not worse than she did. Recounting the worst events of his life was the most painful thing in the world for him, she knew it, and it was only set to get worse.

She estimated the time he spoke of now was just a few weeks before Drusilla died. There was little of the story left to tell and a couple of hours, maybe just a few minutes before she must hear the tale of that woman's murder, if in fact that was what happened.

She took a deep breath as she walked back over to the table and put one mug of steaming black coffee down in front of Spike, keeping the other in her hands as she took a seat opposite him again.

"Thanks, luv" he said absently, though Buffy wasn't certain he was even aware of her anymore. He was knee deep in painful memories, reliving such trauma that she felt she could've been anybody, but on the other hand would he really tell this tale to anyone but the woman he'd come to love like he never thought possible?

"Spike?" she tried to get his attention as he seemed to be staring at something that wasn't there. He glanced up at her then and nodded as if to confirm he was still awake and there with her.

"We didn't get far" he said, voice hoarse from so much prior talking and crying, "That night we planned our escape to be in less than twenty four hours" he explained, "I just had to wait to get the last of my cash from one of my jobs and we were gonna try to sneak back to Dru's and grab some of her clothes and stuff if we could...but it all went wrong" he trailed off, staring down at the mug of coffee he now held between his hands.

Buffy felt awful for asking him to carry on but they'd come this far, she had to know the rest. She reached across the table and pulled his hand into hers, squeezing it in a reassuring gesture.

"What happened?" she asked him, gently as she could, and somehow in that moment she'd given him the strength to tell her.

- - - - - - -

"I don't want to leave you here alone, Dru" Spike complained, "but I can't risk taking you back to your place either" he said frustratedly, hands balling into fists at the thought of Angel and all the trouble he'd caused for them so far, and how much more he could cause given half the chance.

"It's alright, my darling" Drusilla told him, as she came to stand in front of him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "Miss Edith will take care of me until my knight returns" she smiled, gesturing with her head towards the china doll that sat on the bed looking at them both with unseeing eyes.

Spike couldn't help but smile at the childish innocence his girl possessed. He pushed from his mind the vague thoughts that the crazy things she said were getting even more strange, and more frequent of late...

"I'll be as fast as I can, baby" he swore, putting his hand to her face.

"And I shall be waiting" Drusilla grinned, leaning in to kiss him passionately, "You are my sweet, my little Spike" she said as he forced himself to step away and head for the door.

Drusilla waved as he finally left before turning back to the bedroom. She was going to finish packing for Spike but something made her stop and turn back towards the door as if she sensed some kind of presence. A moment later someone knocked and she stood completely still, hardly daring to breathe for fear it might be Angel that waited beyond the door.

"Open the door, baby" the familiar voice called to her, "Come on Dru, you know if you do as you're told I won't hurt you, not my precious girl"

"Go away" she called, voice cracking as tears ran down her cheeks and she backed up against the wall. There was nowhere to run and no-one to protect her now.

"Drusilla" his tone grew icy cold and his fist hit the door with a force, "Open. This. Door" he said with growing frustration at her inability to obey orders.

"No, no, no, no" Dru covered her ears with her hands and sobbed uncontrollably as she herd him yell threats to knock the door in. It wouldn't take much effort, she knew, he was so big and strong, and Spike was not here to protect her.

Just a few moments later, the door swung open with such violence it almost snapped clean off it's hinges and Drusilla tried to hide herself in the corner of the room, an impossible task. Angel breathed heavily from the exertion of knocking the door in, but he was grinning manically as he stalked across the room towards her.

"Where's your darling Spike now, eh Dru?" he asked her as he dragged her up from the floor by her arm and pinned her against the wall.

"Right here, you git" said an angry voice behind him and Drusilla was so relieved to see Spike in the open doorway, "You take your hands off her" he yelled, "or I'll make sure they'll be finding your body for weeks" he threatened. Angel only laughed.

"You know how long you'd go to jail for assaulting a police officer, boy?" he asked him and for a moment Spike looked stunned. He'd had no idea Dru's evil step-father was a cop, she'd never mentioned it, not that it would stop Spike from tearing this guy limb from limb if he didn't soon let go of Dru. She meant more to him than life itself.

"I'm going to say this once more and if I were you I'd pay bloody good attention" Spike told his enemy, the tears he saw on Dru's face only making him feel more violent against the bastard that held her, "Let go of her, now!"

"Okay, William" Angel smirked, pushing Dru away into a chair. She landed with a thud, wrapping her arms around herself and crying still, as her step-father stalked towards her lover.

"I know more about you than you could ever imagine" he said with a self-satisfied look on his face, "You've got some dangerous friends, Blood"

"Yeah" he nodded once, "Got some bleedin' dangerous fists too. Want me to introduce 'em to your face?" he asked, readying himself for some kind of attack, but Angel stood scarily still. The only sound in the room was Drusilla who began to whisper Hail Mary over and over as she rocked back and forth in the chair, eyes closed and hands clasped together.

"What's the matter?" Spike asked at length, more worried than he was letting on by Angel's silence, "Afraid you might break a nail, you ponce?" he spat.

The brunette started to smile once again as in a flash he pulled his gun from it's hiding place and levelled it at Spike's head.

"Who's afraid now?" he asked in a low voice as the bleached blond swallowed hard.

"You wouldn't dare" he managed to say like he meant it and Dru's eyes sprang open when she head the click of the gun being prepared for firing.

"No!" she wailed, flinging herself at Angel, knocking him off balance but not quite off his feet.

"Stay back Dru, or I swear to God..." he yelled as he pushed her away but it gave Spike vital seconds he needed to wrestle the other man to the ground and kick the gun away from him.

Angel threw a punch at Spike but he moved away and struck out himself, catching the brunette in the face and making his head swing violently to the side.

"Get out!" Spike all but screamed as he used the other man's moment of confusion to throw him out the open door, "And don't ever come near me and Dru again!" he added with some force as he closed the broken door as best he could. He turned to lean his weight against it as Angel thumped on the other side.

"This isn't over!" he swore before he ambled away. Spike heard him clatter down the stairs and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

Drusilla was still sprawled on the floor and Spike went straight to her side, helping her to sit up.

"Oh pet, I'm so sorry" he told her as he pulled her to him, "He was never supposed to find you, I didn't know..."

"Sssh" she silenced him, her fingers to his lips, "You saved me as you always do, as you always will" she said, managing a slight smile, "You suffer for me like no-one else would" she winced at the sight of blood on his cheek and moved her hand to wipe it away, "I am grateful, Spike" she assured him, "I would die without my precious boy"

"Don't say things like that, Dru" he begged of her, holding her tight in his arms, "You and me, we're gonna be okay now. We're getting out of here tonight, lack of cash be damned, we'll find a way to live somehow" he promised her.

"You will protect me, Spike" she said nodded against his shoulder, believing the vow he made, "Look after princess, til death do us part"

"Forever, luv" he swore, "Forever and always"

- - - - - - -

"We took the first bus out" Spike choked on his words as he turned his mug of now cold coffee around on the table. His fingers were itching for a nice calming cigarette but he had no inclination to move and find one. There were much more important things to consider right now than his nicotine withdrawal.

"We could only afford as far as here if we were going to have enough cash to survive very long" he said sadly, "Should've been further, then we might've..." his expression was one of pure frustration as he recalled that time. He slammed a fist on the table, making the mugs upon it jump up and down, as well as Buffy who bounced in her seat, startled by the sudden noise.

"I promised to protect her, Buffy" he said with tears in his eyes once again, "but I ended up killing her..."

- - - - - - -

It was a little less than a month since Spike and Drusilla had arrived in Sunnydale. The first few nights they'd spent at the cheapest and possibly most disgusting motel known to man. Spike managed to get a job waiting tables and serving drinks in a trendy cafe/bar, and miraculously was granted a small advance on his wages, he figured because the couple that owned the place felt bad for him.

They seemed desperate to help in any way they could when he'd begged for extra cash. Whilst he didn't tell them why he and Dru had run from home, he was quite happy to tell the kindly lesbian couple, Willow and Tara, about his darling girl and how all he wanted to do was look after her.

They were barely ten years older than him, Spike guessed, but the two women seemed to want to be his mothers within days of meeting him. Their help meant he and Dru soon had enough cash for the deposit on an apartment that was by no means a palace, but still a good couple of steps up from the motel.

What Spike never told his bosses was what else he used the money he earnt for. With a sizeable portion he got himself a gun. He didn't like it but it was a necessary evil after the run in with Angel back in LA. If he did happen to find them again, Spike was determined to be able to defend himself and more importantly Drusilla. He left the gun in her not-quite-so-capable hands whenever he had to leave her home alone. She hated violence and loathed being given such a weapon to use, but Spike had told her it was the only way to ensure her safety.

As the days went by life seemed to be improving and the pair saw nothing of Angel O'Connor. They hoped against hope he'd given up on chasing Drusilla, but in the back of their minds both she and Spike knew they were not so lucky.

"I've got to go to work now, sweetheart" he told her one fateful Friday night. She hadn't been feeling so good the past couple of days and despite the fact it was barely six in the evening she was already half-asleep in their bed.

"Here now" he tried to get her attention and make her aware of him sitting beside her as he placed the gun in the top drawer by her head, "You'll remember where it is?" he checked she was listening and watching, glad when she nodded in response to his question.

"I shall be sleeping when you come home again" she said too seriously as she put a hand to his face, "I feel like I could sleep forever"

He took hold of her hand in his and brought her knuckles to his lips to kiss them.

"You rest up, luv" he told her, tucking her in like a child, "and I'll be back in a few hours"

Spike leant over Drusilla to place another gentle kiss on her forehead, before leaving the room as silently as he could. He had no idea that was the last time he'd see her alive.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : If you're reading but not reviewing can I please encourage you just to write a few words to let me know if you still like this fic. Always good to know if I'm doing well or not :-) I'll update again as soon as I can.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N : Hey gang. seems my little plea or reviews got some serious response. Thanx so much to everyone who left me an encouraging message - Amandamanda3, kargrif, Kim, AnononA, sunnyhell, Emily, Xtremely-Canadian, feles-noctis, sheilamarie, Rhonda, Charlene, wicked-angel3, GoldenAngl99, loosestring. Time now to hear the end of Spike and Dru's story...  
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 16

"Hey Spike. Right on time as always" Willow grinned as he came at the door. He flashed her a half-smile but it was less than genuine.

"Are you okay, sweetie" Tara checked, "You don't look so happy"

"M'alright really" he shrugged off his coat and hung it up behind the counter, "Dru's not feeling so good is all" he told them and they were sympathetic as always, saying that maybe he could leave a little earlier than usual if he wanted to. He thanked them but said he was sure his girlfriend would be fine when she'd got some rest as she was doing now.

Work was busy as always, the cafe was very popular both day and night and the staff were often run off their feet. Spike was glad when his break rolled around and was heading out for a cigarette when a girl on a stool by the bar claimed his attention.

"Here" she said, holding out a bourboun to him, "You look like you could use it"

"How'd you know?" he frowned slightly as he walked over took the glass from her hand and sat down on the stool beside her.

"I come in here a lot lately, saw you drinking this stuff a couple of times" she admitted, "I don't suppose you even noticed me" she said shyly, ducking her face behind her hair.

"I'm sure I'd've remembered you if I'd seen you, pet" he smirked, forever the charmer. Of course his heart belonged to Drusilla but a little harmless flirting never hurt anybody, and this wasn't the first pretty girl to notice him. He was fairly certain she wouldn't be the last either.

"I'm Amy by the way" she said, holding out a hand for him to shake.

"I'm Spike" he told her taking the offered hand, "but if you've been watching me so much I figure you already knew that" he smiled.

"Kinda of, yeah" Amy giggled, in no hurry to let go of Spike's hand yet. He pulled his fingers from her grip and sighed.

"Look, luv, it's not that I'm not flattered" he told her kindly, "Honestly if things were different I'd probably date you in a heartbeat, but I've got a girl at home, girl I love, I'm not interested in anyone else" he got up to leave but the brunette caught him by the arm.

"I get it, I do" she nodded, "It was pretty obvious you'd have someone, I mean, look at you" she smiled, "but you could still sit here if you want, have the drink I got for you. It'll only get wasted if you don't"

"So long as you understand" he checked, sitting back down again when she nodded that she did.

He spent another ten minutes chatting to her, before downing his drink in one and stepping out for the cigarette he'd planned to have a while ago. Willow and Tara either hadn't noticed he'd spent five minutes more on his break than he ought to or they just didn't say anything about it because they were too nice.

It was about an hour later when Spike realised something was wrong. He bent down to get a bottle from under the bar, pitched forward and almost hit his head. Willow saw it happen and looked understandably worried.

"You okay, Spike" she asked when he straightened up, looking both dazed and pale.

"Dunno really" he admitted, "Sort of feel a bit wobbly, hazy in my head, y'know"

"You think you might have caught whatever Drusilla has?" the red-head asked, putting a hand to his head to check for a fever, "You feel a little warm" she frowned.

"Think I'm hot now do you" he joked, but he looked far from well, "Don't think Tara'd like it"

Willow rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Well, your ego and sense of humour are still working just fine, maybe you're not sick after all" she told him, making him smirk.

"I'll probably be fine in a minute I just..." he closed his eyes and opened them again, trying to focus and finding it difficult.

"No, I don't think you will be fine" Willow shook her head, "At least not here and working. I'll call Xander or Harmony, see if one of them can come in and cover, I think you should go home and get some rest" she advised. Spike shook his head but found that was a really bad idea as the world tipped and rippled before his eyes in a most disconcerting fashion.

"I can't just go" he protested, "I need the money, you know I do"

"And you'll get it" Willow promised him, patting him on the arm, "You work hard enough and it's not your fault you got sick. I'll still pay you for tonight"

"You're a diamond, Will" he smiled, "S'not another one like you in the world, 'cept for Tara of course"

"Go home" the red-head ordered him with a girlish grin, beginning to blush the colour of her hair at the compliment, "and don't come back til you're feeling better, money be damned" she told him, "We'll figure something out"

"Thanks, Red" he grinned at her kindness, kissing her on the cheek before fetching his coat and getting ready to leave. He felt very woozy and not at all himself. If he'd had anymore to drink he'd blame it on the booze, but there was simply no way two bourbons had done this to him.

"I'll probably see you tomorrow" he told Willow as he stumbled towards the door.

"Not if you don't feel better" she replied in full mother tone, making him smile slightly.

"Here, let me help you" Amy, the girl from earlier offered, catching up to him and grabbing the door as he faltered.

"I dunno whats the matter with me" he almost laughed at himself, really not understanding what had come over him, "Must have caught whatever my girlfriends got"

"Where do you live?" she asked him, "My car is right over here, I'll drive you"

"Thanks, pet" Spike smiled, "but I'm fine really, I just..." he attempted to walk a straight line but started wavering within moments.

"Come on" Amy urged him, taking hold of his arm, "I'll take good care of you"

-

Spike's first thoughts when he woke up were related to the nauseous feeling he had in his stomach and the hazy peculiar feeling in his head. It was almost like a mild hangover, but he only remembered having two drinks the night before. It then occurred to him that there was very little of last night he did remember. Beyond leaving work it was hazy at best and even completely blank in places. He figured he'd got himself home pretty much on auto-pilot, fallen into bed beside Dru and allowed sleep to claim him as soon as his head hit the pillow.

What puzzled him was that as his eyes began to focus, the wallpaper he saw was not the dark shades of home, but lilac and girlish. The bed felt wrong beneath his body and the window was on the opposite side. The worst discovery was when he turned to see the woman beside him and realised it was not his Drusilla at all that he was lying with, but Amy.

"Oh bugger, bollocks, bloody hell..." so began the whispered trail of curse words as he realised what must have happened. The random pieces of his and her clothing strewn about the room alerted him to the fact they were both naked beneath the silken sheets and he hated himself when it became all too clear what that must mean.

A lot of things could be said about William Blood, he wasn't straight-laced and perfect like some blokes, he'd got into a few fights in his time, maybe partaken of a couple of dodgy deals, but when it came to Drusilla, the woman he loved, he was a man of honour and decency, until now it seemed.

Carefully he pulled himself out from under the covers and off the bed, fortunately not disturbing the sleeping woman there. He retrieved his clothes and pulled them on in silence, grateful when he made it out of the bedroom without Amy even stirring once. He moved quickly and quietly out of the apartment and down the stairs, hoping he'd be able to figure out where he was when he got to the street. Of course he had to go home, but facing Drusilla after what he'd done, how could she ever forgive him for this?

Spike was so deep in thought of how he should explain his terrible mistake to his girlfriend, that he almost didn't notice the cop car and ambulance outside the building where he lived, at least not until a stretcher was brought out of the front door right beside him. The figure upon it was not an injured person but clearly a dead body with blankets pulled up over it's face. Spike grimaced at the sight, wondering vaguely who the poor unfortunate under there might be. Maybe the old lady who lived across from him and Dru, she was getting on in years, and a bit sack of hammers if truth be told. Perhaps it was the bloke on the first floor who seemed perpetually doped up no matter what time of day or night you saw him. Nothing could have prepared him for what he heard next.

"Yeah, ID in the purse on the counter said Miss Drusilla Juliet Walker" one official said to the other.

Spike couldn't breathe. There had to be some mistake, not his Dru, not when he'd sworn to protect her.

"I'll never understand it" one of the older ambulance workers shook his head, "Pretty young girl, her whole life ahead of her. What makes someone like that wanna shoot themselves in the heart"

Spike swallowed hard, the nausea he'd felt before multiplying to the point where he slipped down by the side of the apartment block and spewed up everything he'd eaten for the past few days. Tears poured from his eyes as he sank to his knees half way down the alley, feeling almost completely numb now. His entire world had just ended, his precious girl was dead and whilst she was suffering, he'd been shagging some whore he only met a few hours ago. He felt worse because he knew there should be more pain in him than this, but he couldn't take it in enough for it to hurt. He was somewhere between denial and horror right now, his instincts urging him to run like hell and escape the nightmare he found himself in. He pulled himself up on shaky legs, glancing up at the window of the apartment he and Dru had shared, the apartment she took her own life in. He did the only thing he felt compelled to do - he ran.

-

"It was my punishment" Spike cried openly as he explained to Buffy, "She saw things, Dru did, it seemed like she was crazy sometimes but she knew things...she must've known what I'd done to her and she..." he couldn't go on, the emotions still too raw to deal with when such memories must be recalled in so much detail.

Buffy's heart broke for him as he cried like a child and she wrapped her arms around him, letting him cry into her shoulder. She breathed a gentle sigh of relief as she held him to her and tried to calm him. As awful as the tale he imparted was, as much guilt as he felt for what happened to Drusilla, it was a huge comfort to realise he hadn't held the gun that night. Though Buffy had wanted to believe him incapable of such a crime for a long time now, there was no way to know for certain what kind of man he used to be. Even if he hadn't meant to do it he might have caused the death in an accident with the gun he'd bought, but no. It seemed the original theory of suicide was the most likely, but how could she convince her boss that Spike was innocent, when he was the man who was framing him, and the only evidence to prove Spike's innocence was his own word. Against Angel and with his psychiatric history, Buffy knew it would mean next to nothing, and her own opinion would be just as useless when it became common knowledge that she'd fallen for the man she was supposed to convict for murder.

What Buffy really couldn't understand was why Angel would set up Spike for the crime, when the correct verdict of suicide had already been reached. Surely he was risking his own name being dragged into the equation, though she doubted he ever expected her to fall for the suspect. Indeed he probably thought she would have succumbed to his own charms before now. Though one might think he wanted Spike to suffer for keeping Dru from him, locking him up was not going to bring her back. Unless of course it wasn't suicide at all, but murder as the case said.

"Spike, I know this is hard for you" she said gently, grateful that he seemed to at least have stopped crying so hard now, "but I can only think of one reason why Angel would try to set you up for this"

He brought his head up from her shoulder and looked so lost. She wiped tears from his cheeks and almost cried herself at how upset he was.

"He had to have something to do with it Spike" Buffy continued, wary of making matters worse, "There's a possibility it wasn't suicide..."

Spike began to frown at the realisation. When Angel couldn't have Dru for a lover he started to get violent with her. With all the guilt and loss he'd felt, he'd never really considered what Buffy was now suggesting, but they were now faced with the real possibility that perhaps the man trying to set up Spike, was in fact the guilty party himself.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Well, that's the end of Spike's story but by no means the end of this fic. Hopefully you're all eager to see where we go from here. Please review and let me know you're still reading and I'll update again soon.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N : Thanx so much for all the reviews; Amandamanda3, Xtremely-Canadian, igore, msberry, candypir, GoldenAngl99, Ginifer, AnononA, kim, Moonjava, sheilamarie, wicked-angel3, xmadbrilliant, Celestia Nailo. I really appreciate it a lot. I love all your ideas, suggestions, and wonderful supportive words. Here's the latest chapter...

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 17

It was a couple of hours since Spike had finished telling Buffy the awful tale of his girlfriends demise, and the sun was setting in the sky once again. He'd more or less cried himself to sleep, sheer exhaustion taking over after so much physical and emotional stress. Buffy was sitting on the couch with his head in her lap as he slept, but despite the fact she felt almost as tired as he did, the land of dreams could not take her.

Buffy Summers'mind was in over-drive as she went over the story she'd been told by the man she loved. As stupid as some might say she was, she believed every single word and she loved him still despite his indiscretion that he himself believed to be the cause of Drusilla Walker's death. Buffy was just so relieved to know Spike hadn't been holding the gun that took that woman's life to care that he had betrayed said woman with another, although there was something that didn't quite add up there either.

All would become clear, Buffy promised herself that, and she would promise Spike the same when he awoke. Somehow they were going to prove his innocence in all this and if she could, Buffy planned on bringing Angel down for what he'd done. She wasn't sure whether she could prove he killed Drusilla, it was still a possibility that she shot herself that night, but if O'Connor drove her to it he still deserved punishment, and he was going to get everything he deserved, Buffy would see to that.

Spike stirred a little, waking up at last.

"Buffy?" he asked groggily, enjoying those couple of seconds between asleep and awake where he couldn't remember how awful things had gotten last night, the terrible memories he'd had to dredge up again.

"It's okay, Spike, I'm here" his sweet angel's voice told him softly, her hands caressing his face and his hair. Though he could have happily stayed that way forever, reality was seeping back in through the cracks of his conscious mind and he knew there were things that needed to be said and done, things that couldn't wait.

"Buffy" he said as he pulled himself up to a sitting position beside her, but before he could say anymore she interrupted.

"Spike, I've been thinking" she told him, "I have access to records, information that could help prove you're innocent, we might even be able to prove that Angel..."

"No, Buffy" he interrupted her instead this time, a sad smile on his lips as he ran his fingers through her hair, "I'm not worth risking your job, maybe even your life for" he told her, "You don't even know me, not really"

"How can you say that?" she said, looking hurt, "It doesn't matter that I've only known you a few weeks, I know that I love you and that's all I need to know" she assured him, getting hold of his hand in hers and kissing his fingers, "I believe everything you told me, because I know you wouldn't lie to me"

"Don't think I could if I wanted to do, pet" he admitted, "I've fallen for you so hard and fast...I didn't know I could feel love like this again"

Buffy had tears in her eyes when she leaned in to kiss him. What started off soft and sweet soon intensified, both of them needing to show their love and trust for the other, as well as feel that which the other was giving to them.

"Do you want me?" Buffy whispered in his ear as she lay on top of him on the couch, uncertain if they should do this now, whether he'd want to after all that had happened.

"I do" she was relieved to hear him answer, but less happy when he pushed her away slightly, "Buffy, I want you and I love you but...how can you feel the same now that you know what I did?" he asked her, looking truly upset and confused.

"I can't care about what you might have done" she told him huskily, "What I feel for you is too strong, I need to be close to you, I want to show you how much I love you" she told him, pressing her lips to his once again. He couldn't fight her, he didn't want to and they tenderly made love right there on the couch. The where and the why didn't matter, they both just needed to feel the love and trust they had for each other. Afterwards sleep claimed them both and despite the deep, dark nature of the night before, they slept soundly in each others arms until the next morning came.

-

When Spike awoke the next morning it was to the sweet sensation of being kissed by the woman he adored.

"Hey" she smiled when his eyes opened, "I didn't want to leave you sleeping but I have to go" she told him sadly.

"I wish you could stay" he said softly, holding her tightly, "I wish we could both stay here forever so none of it mattered anymore"

"Me too" she agreed enjoying the feeling of being in his arms for a little while longer before she really had to move. He reluctantly let her go and she gathered up her things, realising she should be at work in an hour and she still had to go home, shower and change and make herself presentable before then. How she would deal with seeing Angel after all she'd heard about him she had no idea, but face him she must.

"I'm going to fix this" Buffy promised her lover as they stood on either side of the doorway, "I swear, I am going to do everything I can, and we are going to prove that you didn't do this"

Spike nodded that he believed her, before taking her in his arms and kissing her tenderly.

"I don't know what will happen next, but I do know I love you" he swore, "I don't ever want to lose you, I don't think I could bear it"

"You won't lose me" she promised him as her hand caressed his cheek.

One last kiss and she finally left, a woman on a mission as she strode down the stairs and headed home. She washed, did her hair, and changed her clothes, arriving at work just ten minutes after she should've, and it seemed that no-one really noticed anyway.

She'd been at her desk just half an hour, moving through files on the computer, when she found the information she was looking for. She saved all the files to a disk which she stuffed into her purse, before going back over all the vital pages on the screen in front of her.

There had to be something she hadn't seen before, especially since she was now looking at this from a different angle. Before she was so sure Spike was guilty, now she was out to find solid evidence that he couldn't be.

"No. No. No..." she muttered to herself, skipping down lists of reports and records, "Bingo!" she said suddenly when she caught sight of something that might be of use. If Angel had been at Spike and Dru's apartment the night she died, surely someone must have seen him. Here she had possible witness statements which she printed out and quickly filed away in a folder. She checked her watch and realised she had meetings to attend and other work to do, it'd look suspicious if she spent too long digging over old information like this. At least tonight she could check over what she'd found again and with any luck she'd have some semi-good news for Spike.

-

He'd paced the apartment so many times he was surprised there wasn't a visible mark on the flooring, but still William Blood couldn't not make himself be still. His world had been turned upside down by Buffy Summers and whilst he was thrilled to have her in his life, the true magnitude of what had happened the night before was finally sinking in and it was worrying him intensely.

He'd told her everything, every detail of his past life with Drusilla. How they lived and how she'd died, all about Angel and Darla. If perchance she was an actress, and she'd have to be an incredible one, the nightmare might be far from over but only just beginning. He knew he couldn't be locked up for sharing another woman's bed on the night his lover died, but there was no way to tell if Buffy was who she claimed. Anything could happen now, the worst scenario being that her promises of love might be a lie and he might never see her again. Spike was almost certain that would kill him, as he finally sat down on the couch and stayed there a few moments. Here she had proven just what she felt for him. Indeed she might be a very talented actress but no-one could fake the look he saw in her eyes as they made love. God, if only those moments could last forever, when they were together in every possible sense of the word. The rest of the world just melted away then and she was the only thing in his mind and heart. Nothing lasts forever, that he had learnt the hard way and as much as he wished he and Buffy might have something long-lasting, he could not allow himself to fantasise too much.

Still, she had promised to help him prove his innocence, something Liam O'Connor seemed determined to take away, but how was someone so evil and powerful ever to be brought down, without sinking to the same devious levels and becoming the thing you hate the most?

The answer, though he didn't know it, lie beyond the door.

-

Buffy stood outside Spike's front door, looking around nervously and clutching a file of paperwork to her chest. He cautiously opened the door until he realised it was her and opened it fully, immediately pulling her into a hug.

"I have good news" she told him, "At least it could be"

They sat down at the table and she opened up the file, showing him the list of names she'd got, all the people who were living in the apartment block where he and Drusilla used to reside. Also she had the witness statements, one of which quite clearly said a dark haired man of Angel's build had been seen on the night in question. Unfortunately, as Spike pointed out, old Mrs Jennings from across the corridor was not exactly of sound mind most of the time. Her word would hardly stand up in court.

"It seems most people were out that night" Buffy sighed, "All except your less than sane old lady friend and...oh, maybe this one" she frowned as she came across a name with no information next to it. Most of the people of the list had a note by their name, giving some idea of where they were the night of the murder, all except one.

"Resident of apartment seven" she read aloud and it was Spike's turn to look puzzled.

"That was the place just round the corner from ours" he told her, "but no-one ever lived there"

"Guess again" Buffy told him, passing the piece of paper over and pointing to the name, "Rented by Miss Illyria Martinez for six months up until two weeks after the mur...after that night" she amended, mentally kicking herself for being so thoughtless.

"That's impossible" Spike frowned, "I never saw anyone go in or out the place"

"Maybe she worked weird hours or something" Buffy guessed, "The point is she might have seen something, we'd be crazy not to check it out"

"Think you can find her?" he asked and the blonde nodded firmly.

"I'm a cop Spike" she shrugged, "It's kind of my job to find her if it'll help solve a case"

"Is that was this is really about?" he looked affronted by her comment, "Are you only doing this for your job?" he asked wide-eyed unable to believe what he'd heard. She should have been offended by his lack of belief in her, but after all that he'd suffered, she couldn't find it in her to be mad at him for that.

"I'm not going to lie" she said looking down at her hands on the table, "It'd be good for my career if I pulled this off, and proved Angel guilty" she admired, "but Spike, you know this is for you" she said looking up again and taking hold of his hand in hers, "You know I love you, you have to, there are only so many ways I can find to prove it to you"

Spike looked into her eyes, and saw the truth and love within in them. He sighed.

"I'm sorry, pet" he said, picking up her hand and kissing it, "This isn't the easiest thing in the world for me, probably one of the bloody hardest actually" he told her. She got up from her seat and walked round the table, putting herself on his lap and hugging him.

"I know it's hard for you" she said as they held each other, "but we're going to work this out. Angel will suffer for what he did"

"I believe you, Buffy" Spike assured her, glad that for the first time in so long he actually had someone and something in his life worth believing in. Buffy was the light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel that he'd been stuck in, but only the proof of Angel's guilt, and that same man's suffering, would truly set him free from the tortures of the past.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Well, that was another bundle of high emotion fiction...try saying that three time fast! Anyway, please let me know what you think of the new chapter in the usual way and I'll update again as soon as I can.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N : Thanks to Xtremely-Canadian, Aimee, sheilamarie, Mistik07, Demonica Mills, Julia, for the latest reviews. If you're reading and not reveiwing could I ask that you just take a couple of seconds to say that you're reading and if you like the fic or not. I've said it before but this story is so different to most others I've written, your support is kind of key since I often have little confidnece in myself where this fic is concerned. Anyway, thanx again to those that have been reveiwing cos you guys rock entirely. Here's the new chapter...  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 18

Two days after her talk with Spike about the mysterious woman who lived across from him and Dru last year, Buffy Summers stood outside a huge building with a sign that said Wolfram & Hart, Attorneys at Law.

She knew of their reputation. They'd been decidedly dodgy lawyers for decades, but they had fingers in more pies than just those related to law. Of course it was near impossible for her as a cop to bring any kind of justice upon the employees of a supposedly evil law firm, their job was to get others out of trouble, they had no problem hiding their own double-deals and the like.

Buffy shook her head as she pressed the button at the front door and waited for someone to answer. She wasn't here as judge and jury for the company, she was only here to see one woman who masqueraded as Miss Illyria Martinez.

"Wolfram and Hart, please state your name and business" a voice said through the speaker.

"Detective Elizabeth Summers, LAPD" she said crisply, "I'm here to see Winifred Burkle"

There was a moments silence before the buzzer sounded and the door unlocked, allowing Buffy to go inside. A woman at the front desk told her to take a seat whilst she called down to the lab. The blonde waited, fingers drumming impatiently on the arm rest of her chair.

It had taken a while to figure out why Miss Martinez was so elusive - she didn't actually exist. She was simply a pseudonym of one Winifred Burkle, head of the Science Department at Wolfram & Hart's LA branch. What Buffy wanted to know was why this woman needed an apartment in a fake name, and more importantly if she'd see anything on the night Drusilla Walker died.

"Hi" said a voice and Buffy looked up to see a slim, willowy looking woman with a large white coat and glasses slipping down her nose, "I'm Fred, Winifred Burkle" she corrected herself, "You wanted to see me, Detective Summers?"

Buffy nodded as she got to her feet.

"Is there somewhere private we can talk?" she asked and the other woman led her to an empty office where they both sat down in silence.

"I have a few questions for you, Miss Burkle" Buffy told her immediately they were sat down, "Or should I call you Miss Martinez?" she added with a look, a little surprised by how pale Fred became.

"I don't...you can't..." she stumbled on what she meant to say as all the blood drained from her face and she felt sick in her stomach, "I never meant to break any laws, I never meant to break anything, I swear.."

"Miss Burkle" Buffy interrupted, "I'm not here to arrest you" she smiled slightly, proving her lack of malice, "I just need to ask you about the apartment you rented during this time period" she said, pulling a piece of paper from her bag and handing it to the other woman who stared at it blindly.

"Miss Burkle?" Buffy prompted some kind of reaction, "How often did you use the apartment. A source tells me he live nearby but barely saw you"

"We...I didn't use it much" she said, stumbling on her words again, "I stored things in it"

Buffy frowned as the piece of paper was shoved back into her hands by Fred. The way she couldn't meet her eyes when she spoke, how her fingers never stopped fidgeting in her lap, made Buffy wonder...

"Storage?" she echoed, "Storage of what?" she pressed, "Furniture? Books?...Secrets?" she asked with a look. Fred stared at her for a second before glancing away.

"I don't know what you mean" she said, and Buffy was almost certain it was a lie. She just wasn't sure why yet.

"I think you do" she said as she put the papers back in her bag, "Let's look at this objectively, Miss Burkle. A young woman in LA rents an apartment for a few months, in which time the neighbour across the hall never even sees her. A couple of weeks after a possible murder has been committed, the rental on the apartment is cancelled. Wouldn't you say that looked a little suspicious?"

Fred's eyes were wide as dinner-plates as she looked up at Buffy in apparent shock.

"Murder?" she repeated in a whisper, as if she were a little kid saying a curse word she didn't want her mother to hear, "No, I didn't even know...Someone died?" she asked, looking too genuinely shocked for her to be faking.

Buffy felt a little bad for being so short with her, she seemed like a nice enough person but appearances could be deceiving. Angel was living proof of that it seemed. Still, despite the fact it seemed abundantly clear Fred knew nothing of Drusilla's death, something seemed odd about a woman going to all the trouble of renting an apartment in a fake name and never going there.

"Who is Illyria Martinez, Miss Burkle?" Buffy asked her, off her worried look she added, "It's very important that you tell me the truth now"

The young woman twisted her hands in her lap, looking everywhere but at the police officer at her side. She was silent so long that Buffy almost repeated the question but suddenly Fred spoke softly.

"Do you have a man in your life, Miss Summers?" she asked, making Buffy frown. She had thought she was the one asking the questions, but if this was going to get to some sort of point that'd help with the case, she'd go along with it for now.

"Yes" she replied warily, "Why do you ask?"

"Being in love" Fred smiled painfully, "finding that one person who makes you feel...things you could never imagine until you actually experience them, that's something so rare and special" she paused for a brief moment before continuing, "But when I found that, the right man that made me feel all those things, I was too late. He'd already found the woman for him"

"I'm sorry" Buffy said sympathetically, "but unless this has anything to do with what I asked you I don't think..."

"Oh, but it does" Fred interrupted, "See, he realised that the woman he'd found maybe wasn't what he wanted after all, and that maybe I was. He couldn't leave her, it would have caused so many problems for everybody..." her voice trailed away and as she looked over at Buffy, something clicked in the blonde's mind and she realised what was going on.

The apartment Miss Burkle rented under the false name was where she conducted her affair with another man, that was why she'd lied. No doubt if this guys wife found out he'd dump the poor girl and it seems she couldn't live with that.

"Miss Burkle, were you at the rented apartment on the night of the murder?" she checked, "It's important that you tell me"

"I..." Fred hesitated before answering, "I was" she admitted, "We were"

"And did you see anybody go in or out of the apartment across the hall?" came the next question. Buffy was practically holding her breath waiting for the answer.

"Yes" she said almost in a whisper.

"Could you give me a description?" the blonde asked next and Fred looked away, "Please, Miss Burkle, this is so important" she pressed.

"He was kinda tall, with dark hair and dark clothes...Kinda handsome too really" she admitted. Buffy felt equal parts relieved and sick at a description that could easily fit the image of Angel.

"Miss Burkle, I need you to come with me to the police station" she said, unable to hold back a slight smile, "I need you to make a statement saying exactly what you saw and..."

"No, no, I can't" the other woman exclaimed, looking petrified as she jumped from her seat, "You don't understand what could happen...if she found out..."

Buffy rolled her eyes in annoyance.

"You're worrying about nothing" she pointed out, quite angrily, "If your secret affair gets found out, okay, a couple of people might get a little hurt emotionally. If you don't do what I'm asking now an innocent man could be convicted of murder" she explained, tears forming in her eyes as she thought of Spike, how much he had already suffered, and what more may come if she couldn't prove his innocence.

"Fred?" Buffy heard a male voice behind them and turned to see a man coming into the room, looking worried, "I heard yelling from the corridor, is everything quite alright?" he checked.

"I'm fine, Wesley, honestly" Fred smiled shakily and Buffy watched a look pass between them.

"Perhaps I should leave you two alone then" Wesley suggested but Buffy stopped him.

"No, stay" she said, "This involves you too" she said, glancing at Fred, "doesn't it?" she checked. The other woman look away, confirming Buffy's suspicions.

"I don't think we've been introduced" the man narrowed his eyes at her as he approached, "I am Wesley Wyndham-Pryce"

"Elizabeth Summers" Buffy shook his hand, "LAPD" she added, showing her badge.

As the three sat down together, the blonde realised what the big problem was. Wolfram and Hart was known for it's dodgy deals but moreover for it's ability to make problems disappear. If those problems were people they'd disappear too and half the unsolved murder cases in LA were thought to be somehow mysteriously connected to that firm. The latest CEO of this town's branch was the most ruthless and scheming so far, and here sat Buffy opposite the boss' husband. Lilah Morgan, who still went by her maiden name, was not a woman to be trifled with. If she found out her precious Wesley was sleeping with the hired help, Buffy had no doubt at all that Fred would be the next employee to mysteriously vanish.

Though she took the time to explain the situation to Wesley, and practically begged him and Fred to come forward and say what they'd seen, she knew they would say no. She couldn't force them to be witnesses. If she got them as far as the station they could just deny seeing anything, and she'd end up looking a fool.

"I know you're both scared of what could happen" she sympathised as they showed her the door, her one last ditch attempt to get their help, "but we could protect you, I promise we would"

"I'm sorry, Miss Summers" Wesley shook his head, "I know you're only doing your job but...we didn't see anything" he lied on purpose, pressing the point that if she ever asked them in front of others they would deny all.

Buffy fought tears and had to take a deep breath before she could speak. Another lead had become a dead end and she was running out of time to prove Spike's innocence and Angel's guilt.

"Here" she said, pulling something from her pocket and pressing it into Fred's hand, "If you change your mind" was all she said as explanation before she left.

Fred turned the card over in her hand and showed it to Wesley. It had Buffy's name and private number printed on the front and her cellphone number hand-written on the back. Despite feeling terribly guilty, both of them knew they'd never call her.

-

Buffy felt awful as she made her way home. She wracked her brains for another idea, at least then she could cushion the blow when she was forced to tell Spike this lead had turned into a dead end. He was innocent she knew it, and she only wished that was enough, but they needed real evidence if they were going to bring Angel down and prove that Spike was not a killer, just a man that loved a woman and got caught up in someone else's tragedy.

"Oh, hi" Buffy was surprised to find the very man she'd been thinking of sitting on her doorstep.

"Hello, pet" he half smiled as he got to his feet and stepped towards her. He hesitated a moment before putting his lips to hers and kissing her softly, "Couldn't stand it at home" he admitted, still standing close to her, "Too bloody quiet, too much time to think about things"

She nodded that she understood, feeling even worse now than she had before.

"How did it go?" he asked, trying not to sound too hopeful just in case, "Did you find this Illyria person?"

"I..." Buffy began before changing her mind, "No, I didn't find Illyria" she said semi-truthfully. She couldn't tell him she'd found the girl who went by that name, and her boyfriend too, and that both had seen what seemed to be Angel leaving the apartment on the night of Dru's murder. How could she build up his hopes so high only to dash them when she ended the narrative with the fact of their insistence on not coming forward in the case.

She watched his face cloud with disappointment before he forced a smile.

"Doesn't matter" he lied, trying to be braver than he felt and she knew it, "I have faith in you, Buffy" he told her, holding her in his arms, "No-one ever believed in me like you do, 'cept maybe..." his voice disappeared at the mere thought of his dark princess and Buffy felt awful for him.

Whilst most women might be offended at being compared to their man's former love, Buffy felt honoured to know he loved her as much as he had Drusilla. That was a level of affection she could only wonder at, though she was certain she loved Spike more than she ever knew it was possible to love anyone.

"I love you" she said suddenly and so sincerely. He looked a little surprised as they stood their outside her front door in each others arms.

"I love you too, you know I do" he assured her, wondering what the sudden declaration was for, fearing the worst, that she might be about to say she couldn't be with him for some reason. She looked too serious for a moment before she led him into her apartment and they both sat down in the couch.

"I had another idea" she told him, holding onto his hand, "There's someone else we can talk to, maybe get more evidence from" she explained, "Do you trust me?" she checked, almost certain he did but needing the assurance right now, just as she'd needed the conformation of his love a moment ago.

"With my life" he answered solemnly, eyes never leaving hers.

"That's a good thing" she nodded once, "because you're not going to like what I'm about to say" she warned him, "I think we need to go back, trace your steps almost...Spike, I need you to take me to see your old friends, your bosses Willow and Tara" she told him, "From there we might be able to track down the girl from that night" she paused before saying what she knew she must "Spike, if we're going to bring down Angel, I think we need to find Amy"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : You know what to do. More of this coming soon.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N : Thanx to; Moonjava, sheilamarie, pixiecorn, AnononA, Kez, kim, Xtremely-Canadian, Quietly Losing Control, Mistik07, GoldenAngl99, Demonica Mills, Amandamanda3, Draossweetlove, xmadbrilliant, Celestia Nailo. Your kind words and support really do help me to keep on writing this fic which is probably the least easy for me. My reviewers rock, and thats official :-)  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 19

"I was right the first time" Spike said with a shake of his head, "I can't do this" he told Buffy, turning to walk away but she wouldn't let him. Her hand held on tightly to his and would not let go.

"Spike, I know this is hard for you" she said, looking him right in the eye, "but you know it's the only way" He looked away from her gaze, knowing she was right and hating it.

Three days ago she'd told him that the lead they'd had for bringing down Angel was a dead end, and that the new plan was for him to take her back to where he used to work, to see his old bosses Willow and Tara. They needed to find the girl named Amy who had come into the club the night of Drusilla's murder. The girl whose bed Spike had ended up in.

Whilst he still believed he had cheated on his lover, Buffy was almost certain there was foul play involved. It didn't seem plausible that Spike would sleep with this girl and coincidentally on the same night that Dru died. But they were not here to prove whether he was or was not conscious when he ended up in Amy's bed. The point of this exercise was to track the woman down and have her admit to being with Spike that night, the how and the why were unimportant. If he had an alibi, Spike could not be proved guilty of murder, though Buffy was seriously wondering if this would work now. It was doubtful Amy would prove to be a credible-looking source of information, but they were running out of options. Plus there was always the possibility that a member of staff at the club saw something suspiscious and might come forward. Buffy knew she was clutching at straws but what else was left to do? She had to save Spike, she just had to. She loved him too much now to let him down.

"Just breathe" she told herself as well as Spike as she gripped his hand in hers.

'Easier said than done' he was thinking as they went up to the door and walked inside. It was all eerily familiar as he stood looking at the place he'd worked in what seemed like a life time ago. His eyes passed the stools by the bar and his mind's eye put himself and Amy there, drinking and laughing like they had that fateful night. He looked away in disgust, hating himself so much right now. The only thing stopping him running away like a coward was the almost vice-like grip Buffy had on his hand.

"Spike?" a kindly voice asked behind them and he couldn't breathe as he turned around and faced Willow.

"Hello, luv" he forced out, shocked when she came at him and hugged him tight. Though he felt so undeserving of her warmth and affection, he let her hold him for a moment. Buffy guessed this was one of the women who'd helped Spike so much when he'd first moved to Sunnydale with Drusilla.

"Where have you been? Tara and me, we were going crazy worrying and then there was a girl on the news and she'd committed suicide and..." she rambled on, feeling guilty when Spike couldn't look at her anymore.

"Er, Willow?" Buffy checked, glad when the older woman nodded in response, "My name is Buffy Summers" she told her, leaving out any reference to the police on purpose, "Is there some place we could talk, with your partner too if that's okay"

"Oh, of course" Willow nodded hurrying to fetch Tara from the back.

"See" Buffy whispered as they followed on behind, "She was worried about you. She doesn't think you did anything wrong"

"She was always too nice for her own good" Spike said sadly, "They both were"

Tara was much like Willow, Buffy realised, not so much in looks but character. They both cared for Spike a lot, despite only having known him a little while. His disappearance had them more worried than angry and to be honest Buffy was having a hard time seeing how either of them could ever be angry at all. They seemed so sweet and she wished Spike would reconsider and tell them why they'd really gone to see them, but he refused and she daren't push him on it.

"Xander, you're in charge until we get back" Willow told a young man cleaning glasses behind the bar. He nodded as he watched them disappear into the backroom, wondering how come Spike was back all of a sudden. He never liked the guy much.

"So, where have you been?" Tara asked him, "A-and how have you been?" she smiled at the man she hadn't seen in months and never with any explanation as to where he'd gone.

"I...Drusilla, she..." he couldn't find words to tell them until he felt Buffy's hand cover his on the table. She gave him strength he couldn't begin to understand, "They found her in our apartment, and I couldn't...I had to get away" he said a little shakily. Of course he didn't have to use the word 'dead' because they were already wondering if the suicide they'd heard about on the news was her.

"Oh, sweetie, we're so sorry" Willow told him, knowing she would have reached across the table to him, if his hand were not already firmly in Buffy's grasp.

"We came here because...there was a girl here the night it happened" the blonde explained awkwardly, "She was talking to Spike and we need to find her"

"Oh, yes, the blonde girl?" Tara checked, remembering her only too well. She and Willow had talked about it when they'd seen the woman with Spike. She looked untrustworthy, they'd noted, and they weren't happy when the pair left together, but what could they do? Spike was a grown man after all, able of making his own decisions.

"She's been here twice since we last saw you" Willow told Spike, "She wasn't making much sense, she was...on something, I think" she said with distaste.

"You think she took drugs?" Buffy verified, launching into semi-police mode.

The two women nodded.

"Sh-She didn't make a lot of sense" Tara told them, "The first time she came in, we had Xander throw her straight out when she tried to..proposition some of the customers"

"The second time was just last week" Willow continued, "She was saying the weirdest things, about fairies, or maybe it was angels"

Spike's eyes went wide at that and Buffy was similarly stunned. Of course the ramblings of a drugged-up young woman of questionable reputation didn't mean much but anything was something right now.

"Do you have any idea where we'd find this girl now?" Buffy asked them, knowing it was unlikely she'd still be in the same apartment she'd taken Spike to all those months ago.

"I'm not sure that she has a home" Tara said sadly and Buffy nodded in understanding, "but, if she does, I don't think it would be far away...Can I ask why you need to find her?" she said carefully and Spike stared down at the table as he forced out wards to answer her.

"Need her to say I wasn't there" he mumbled, "When Drusilla...the only one who can say I weren't there is Amy"

"Oh" Willow gasped in sudden understanding, before the room fell silent again, no-one really knowing what to say.

"I need a fag" Spike muttered a moment later, the chair scraping on the floor sounding overly loud in the quiet surroundings. He was out of the door before they could blink and Buffy was in two minds whether to run after him or not.

"He didn't want you to know" she told the two women, eyes fixed on his disappearing back, the door left ajar as he'd swung through it.

"But you do" Willow said a little suspiciously, "Know, I mean. It must've taken a lot for him to tell you something like that"

"It's complicated" Buffy admitted, sighing when she realised she'd said too much to keep the rest a secret, "I'm a police officer, LAPD" she told them showing her badge to the women who shared a worried look, "I was...Spike was my undercover mission. I was supposed to, well, charm him I guess, and get a confession"

"A-about Amy?" Tara asked, confused.

"No, about Drusilla" the blonde told them, "He's suspected of her murder, and before you say he didn't do it, I know that..." she sighed "It's a long and complicated story but it comes down to the fact that...that I fell in love with Spike and he fell for me too. We love each other, genuinely, and somebody's setting him up...I'm trying to be all professional police woman about this and...and I'm just petrified of losing him" she cried, tears running down her cheeks that she hastily wiped away. She didn't cry, not ever, and yet since she'd fallen in love with Spike she seemed to shed so many tears. She didn't care, it wasn't his fault and when all this was over she'd do her level best to make sure they had nothing but smiles and laughter in their lives. They just had to get through this first.

"I wish we could help you" Willow told her, feeling just terrible for both Spike and Buffy by now, "But we just don't know where this Amy girl is"

"I do" said a voice from the door and all three women looked over to see Xander in the doorway.

* * *

This wasn't how it was supposed to be, Spike thought as he stood outside the club, smoking his third cigarette. It was a filthy habit, Mum always said so, and Dru after her, not to mention Willow and Tara, but wasn't it always true that the things you enjoy most are the worst for you. Pleasure and pain walked hand in hand, he knew that to be oh so true. Drusilla was the best thing he'd ever had in his life, and yet his world was torn to shreds by her existence within it. Now here was Buffy, a light in his darkness, his reason to be, and yet she could so easily have been his downfall.

"Y'know you really should give those up" said her voice behind him and he smiled stupidly to think she fell into the pattern he'd thought of just moments before.

"Not the first to say it, luv" he said as he crushed the remains of the offending article beneath his boot, "Doubt you'll be the last either"

She moved to hug him, for no other reason than she just felt compelled to. He still tensed every time she touched him, but he relaxed a lot faster than he used to. Even when all this was over, if they could prove his innocence and get Angel sent down, it was going to take a long time to build complete and utter trust between them, but she couldn't blame him for that.

"We got a lead" she said, pulling out of his arms and handing him a piece of paper with an address scrawled on it, "A friend of Xander's got in with a bad crowd. He walked her home one night when she was in a mess. Guess who her room mate was?"

"Amy?" Spike asked, a little stunned by the turn of events.

"Name and description fit" Buffy nodded, "All we have to do now is go and see"

He glanced at the paper in his hands, up at her face, and then beyond her at the building they stood outside of.

"'S funny" he said dreamily, "Bein' back here...almost like it never happened"

It broke Buffy's heart to look at him, wishing the clock would go back in time, to a place where he was happy with a woman he loved and he'd never met her. She wanted things to be better for him, truly she did, but she didn't want to be without him. After all that had happened and what was still to come, she just couldn't imagine her life without him by her side.

"Oh, pet" he sighed as he looked down at her and saw tears glistening in her eyes, "I didn't mean..."

"I know" she nodded, forcing a smile, "Things should've been different for both us"

He looked at her for a moment, before taking a step forward, leaning down and kissing her softly on the lips. She was hardly aware her eyes had closed until she found she needed to open them again. He hardly ever initiated any contact between them. Buffy sometimes thought he was afraid of rejection if he did, though the idea of her ever not wanting him was ridiculous.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?" he realised with a slight frown, "Buffy, sweetheart, if only there were words to explain..." he shook his head, frustrated that he couldn't find those words he spoke of.

"Spike, I don't need words" she told him, "I know that you love me and you trust me"

"I do" he nodded in agreement, as she forced a slight smile.

"Then let's go find this girl" she said, sniffing and pulling herself away from him, putting on a brave face as she must.

She had a job to do, fighting for truth and justice. It was her duty, and not just because she had the title and the badge to prove her occupation. It was her duty to her man, the obligation of a woman in love.

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Keep those reviews coming and I'll keep the fic coming as quick as I can. As you can probably tell we're slowly headed towards an end on this story, but it's gonna take a while for me to get there since I'm writing another three fics at the same time! Still, reviews are of the good and I'll do my best to update asap.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N : Well, as you may have noticed we're heading towards an end with this story, but in the meantime I'd like to thank the reviewers for their support; Moonjava, AnononA, kim, Demonica Mills, Xtremely-Canadian, sheilamarie, msberry, Celestia Nailo, you're all awesome.  
(_For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 20

"Did I mention how much I hate this?" Spike asked, his hand shaking in Buffy's as they stood on the doorstep of a very unsavoury apartment in a filthy and unhygienic building on the bad side of town.

"It'll be worth it" Buffy promised him as she she knocked on the door, and a rough looking brunette opened it, looking pissed off at the interruption to her day.

"Hi, you must be Faith" the blonde said carefully, feeling a little strange not just busting in here, flashing her badge and threatening to arrest anyone who got nasty.

"Who's askin'?" the young woman asked, looking ready for some kind of fight when she looked at Buffy and a different kind of physical work-out when she looked at Spike.

"We know your friend Xander" Buffy half-lied, since she didn't know him at all until today, "And we need to talk to your room-mate, Amy"

There was a moment's pause when the girl who seemed to be Faith looked over the two people on her doorstep before finally stepping back and letting them into the apartment, ever wary of attack.

"Stay there" she said as if she were talking to a dog before disappearing through a door, never fully turning her back on her 'guests'. There was some thumping and clattering before a young man emerged from what seemed to be a bedroom, clutching his pants and T-shirt in his hands.

"But Faith, I thought..." the guy protested.

"Well, there's your first mistake" she told him, giving him a shove towards the door, "Don't think so much" she told him "Thanks for the ride, now get out of my face" she snapped, slamming the door shut behind the him.

Spike and Buffy shared a glance, trying to stay in the centre of the room and not touch any of the less-than-sanitary surroundings.

"Amy's in there" Faith jerked her thumb back through the door, "To the left" she signalled, "You're not out of there in five minutes or I hear anything weird, I'm coming in there and you two won't be walking out" she told them nastily, stressing the word 'walking'. Buffy wanted to hate the girl but she couldn't. She'd seen too many before, used and abused, force out on the streets by families or boyfriends that didn't care enough.

She nodded in understanding as she and Spike went through the door to where they would apparently find Amy. Neither of them expected what they saw as they entered the make-shift bedroom. A young woman, hair streaked blonde and brown lay under the thin covers of the bed, shaking like she was freezing though it was far from cold in the room.

Buffy suspected it was drugs that had done it, or rather the withdrawal from not taking any in a long while. She hated the fact she'd brought Spike here, the look on his face when she glanced over was somewhere between pure horror and terrible guilt as he saw the girl he believed he'd cheated on Drusilla with the night she died.

"Amy?" Buffy ventured, stepping closer to the bed. The fragile-looking girl drew away from the uninvited guest and Buffy now understood why she shook so much. It wasn't just cold turkey from drugs that was causing it, it was pure fear. Bruises marred a face that was probably once pretty, and further purple marks covered the top of her arm visible where the sheets on the bed had shifted.

"What do you want?" she asked nervously, whole body still twitching.

"Need to know if you remember me, pet" Spike asked gently, feeling terrible for the girl that had clearly been beaten badly by someone and was suffering a great deal. He had no blame for her, he couldn't. He saw only himself when blame was to be apportioned for the night Dru died. He had betrayed his girl, there was no reason why Amy shouldn't have offered herself to him, he just never should've accepted.

"I don't...I don't know you" she said, looking away and Buffy encouraged Spike to step back a second.

"Amy, you don't have to be afraid of us" she said gently, hoping her training and previous interaction with girls like this might come in handy now, "We're not accusing you of anything, we don't want to hurt you it's just...I need you to tell me if you remember meeting Spike at a bar eight months ago, try to think for me, please"

Amy looked over at the bleached blond, brow creasing as she studied him and he tried not to look at her. Of course she remembered him, and their little charade. She wouldn't be lying here now, covered in bruises if she hadn't got involved in a plot against this guy.

"I remember" she said almost too softly, "Sort of, but...I can't" she squirmed, turning over in the bed so she didn't have to face him, almost burying herself beneath the covers like a frightened child would. Buffy sighed, glancing back and Spike and wishing she knew how to make this easier for everyone, but there just was no other way, just this.

"Times up, dynamic duo" Faith called as she bust into the room, "Amy didn't want no visitors anyway, I think you two should get out before I throw you out"

"Come on Buffy, we're wasting our time" Spike said sadly, turning towards the door, but she shook her head.

"Amy, if Spike goes will you talk to me?" she asked the shivering lump beneath the covers, "Just for a few minutes"

Amy didn't know what to think. The voice of this Buffy girl was kind and caring and she hadn't asked anything about Angel yet. Maybe it'd be okay to talk to her about it, she needed to talk to someone. Guilt had wracked her for so long, and if she didn't confess to someone soon it might be too late. There'd been so many times lately when she wondered if she'd wake up in the morning...

"You want me to throw her out, A?" Faith checked and her friend turned back over in the bed.

"No" she said, "It's okay Faith, she can stay"

"And Blondie?" she asked, tilting her head towards Spike.

"I'll be downstairs" he said to Buffy, pushing past the brunette and disappearing. Faith gave Buffy a long, non-trusting look before leaving the two women alone and closing the door. Amy pulled herself up to a near-sitting position in the bed, showing off a few more choice cuts and bruises as she did so.

"Amy" Buffy sighed, "I know this is hard but...I need an honest answer from you, lives might depend on it" she told her, "One night, eight months ago you met Spike in a club. You bought him a couple of drinks, I'm guessing you slipped something in one of them because within the hour he couldn't even walk a straight line. You took him to a place you called home, he passed out on your bed. You took off his clothes and your own and made him think you slept together. Is that true?" she asked, hoping she didn't come off to police-officer-ish.

"We did sleep together" she protested weakly, looking away. Buffy steeled herself against the anger that rose inside her before she spoke again.

"Okay, you slept together" she conceded, "But you didn't have sex with him, did you? You set him up, to make him feel guilty" she pressed, "You set him up for Angel, didn't you?"

"Yes" Amy suddenly yelled, tears steaming down her face, "Okay, I said it, yes...I didn't know what he was going to do"

"Angel?" Buffy guessed, "You didn't know that he'd hurt you?"

"Not me" the young woman shook her head, "Spike's girlfriend. He said she didn't belong with Spike, she belonged with him, and if I could keep the guy away it would give him a chance to prove his love for her"

Buffy felt sick as Amy explained what had happened. To finally have some kind of proof that Angel was the monster he seemed to be, it make her feel terrible. It wasn't exactly helpful for the case, since Amy's evidence was unlikely to stand up in court, even if the poor girl wasn't so scared she'd never do it. It was bad enough though just to know her suspicious were true that a man she worked with, looked up to in some ways was such an awful person.

"He showed me a picture and sent me to the bar" the shaking girl went on to say, "He said I didn't have to sleep with him, just make it look like we'd..." she trailed awkwardly before continuing, "He gave me the stuff, to put in his drink...he said it'd look like he was just sick with something for a while, then he'd black out"

Buffy looked away then, feeling awful. Somehow hearing stories like this was just about bearable, and in her line of work it was necessary for her to ask about and be told such things. It was being in the middle of all this that made it so difficult to take in this time, she guessed.

"I didn't know what he was going to do" Amy cried, "I'm not this terrible person you think I am...I just did a guy a harmless favour, at least I thought that was what it was" she sobbed.

"It's okay" Buffy said softly, "I know, it's not your fault"

"Isn't it?" Amy laughed humourlessly, "I don't know...that bastard hates me enough he..." she glanced down at her bruised arms and then away and out of the window.

"Angel did this to you?" she checked and the look Amy gave her told her it was true, though she'd never say the words, she just wouldn't dare.

* * *

Spike hated this part of town, it reminded him too much of days gone by. Hiding in alleys to avoid fights as a teen, and then hiding in the same kind of places in an attempt to see Dru. He closed his eyes briefly, wished it all away, painful memories that he knew as long as he lived would never leave him. In his head he could hear Drusilla's voice, feel her body close to his as she whispered in his ear, told him he was her saviour, her precious, and how much she loved him. Coming here and seeing Amy, it only made him feel ten times worse.

"Hey" Buffy said behind him as she appeared from the apartment block, "You okay?" she asked, hugging him when it seemed evident he was far from okay.

"What did she say to you?" he asked about Amy and Buffy looked to the ground.

"There's good news and unfortunately there's bad news" she admitted, "The bad is that she won't testify that Angel had her come after you, and to be honest even if she agreed I doubt her word would stand up in court"

"But there's good news?" he said hopefully, feeling as if he were hanging on by a rope that was slowly snapping, and that this might be the only thread still holding him up.

"Spike" she said, putting a hand to his face, "You didn't do it, you didn't betray Drusilla" she told him there in the dim light of the back street, "Amy was 'employed' to set you up, to make you think you...but you didn't" she assured him.

He was surprised to feel tears well up in his eyes, but she wasn't so shocked to see them. He was bound to be overwhelmed by relief and such, now at least he could let go of some of the guilt that didn't truly belong to him, and he did so by going into her arms and crying like a child.

* * *

It was the next morning as she sat at her desk feeling way beyond miserable that Buffy finally found a way to prove Angel was the sick and twisted lowlife that killed Drusilla Walker. She couldn't believe how simple it really was when it occurred to her, she figured she must have started over-complicating things lately. It certainly wasn't unlikely since most parts of her life were so complex it made her head hurt to think about it.

She was in love, for the first time ever she was certain, but the guy she chose was a man she'd been taught to despise. Instead of getting a confession for murder and sending him to jail as was the plan, she'd fallen in love with William 'Spike' Blood and realised he wasn't capable of that which he was accused. Instead her superior officer Liam 'Angel' O'Conner was the guilty party and she'd spent the last couple of weeks trying to turn things around on him, all the time lying about that she was really doing and how close she was getting to a confession of guilt from her supposed target.

It was mostly Riley she'd had to lie to, and that was easier. Angel had been away a lot and nobody was certain why. Buffy wondered vaguely if perhaps he knew something or at least suspected, and that was how Amy had come to be beaten as she was and the girl with the fake name of Illyria had refused to admit she'd seen something strange at the apartment the night Dru died.

Unfortunately it seemed today he was back and all full of smiles and leers as usual. He'd been watching her through the internal window room his office to the main one where she sat. For the most part she'd been ignoring him but she knew eventually he'd want to call another little meeting, ask her progress on the Blood case. She was running out of time, Spike was even more so, and still she was coming up with nothing but dead ends.

"Hey, Summers" Riley snapped near her ear, making her physically jump out of her dazed thoughts, "Y'know all these meaningful looks from the boss doesn't mean he trusts you to do your job" he said nastily, and Buffy knew it was only because he was jealous. He liked her and therefore hated the fact that he had what he saw as competition in Angel, but he also wanted promotion and respect from the boss, which was something it seemed was reserved purely for Miss Summers.

"Screw you, Finn" she snapped turning away from him, "Not that anybody would"

"At least I know how to do my job" he shot back, "You're such a great under-cover cop" he continued sarcastically, "So great the decision has been finalised, on your next meeting with Blood you're going in wired"

Buffy was about to yell something obscene when she stopped, not because it occurred to her it would be inappropriate in the office, or because she knew he was right about her work because he wasn't. She stopped because the cogs in her head turned just far enough to link two things Finn had said. Angel's attraction to her and the wire.

"Riley" she called, standing and going after him, "Can I ask you something?"

He folded his arms across his chest and looked down at her, waiting for the derogatory comments she was so good at, that only made him want her more because he knew he couldn't have her.

"Do you trust me?" she asked simply and Riley looked a little wary before he nodded.

"If I tell you something, something important that matters like life or death, I'd like to think I could trust you with that kind of thing" she told him quietly so no-now else heard. They said awful things to each other, but when it came down to it Buffy was pretty certain Riley was someone she could trust if she had to.

"Is this thing with Blood getting more out of hand than you told O'Connor?" he checked, looking excessively worried for her. Buffy was a little surprised by that, convinced up to this point that he only really wanted her for one thing. Maybe he cared more than she'd given him credit for, not that it made a difference now, she was with Spike and wanted to be so forever.

"The case got out of hand" she admitted, "but not how you think" she shook her head, "You were right about that wire, I do need it if this case is gonna get cracked, but we can't tell Angel"

"I don't understand" Riley admitted, frowning hard by now.

"Meet me after work" she whispered conspiratorially, "Weatherly Park, by the fountain, and by the time we're done, you will understand"

To Be Continued...

A/N2 : Reviews would be of the good, please, and I'll update again as soon as I can.


	21. Chapter 21

A/N : As you may have guessed this story is almost over, just one more chapter after this one, and possibly an epilogue. It's certainly taken long enough to get this far, but I'm pretty proud of my unusually dark fic. Anywho, thanx to those who reviewed the previous chapter; Moonjava, Mary, sheilamarie, Xtremely-Canadian, pixiecorn, Emily, it's always very much appreciated.  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 21

Buffy felt sick, ten times more now than she had when she'd met Riley in the park two days before. She hated lying, a strange thing for an under-cover cop, but then her real hate for deception had only occurred this past month or so as she'd fallen in love with an innocent man, a man who'd tortured himself for months over crimes he never committed. All that was going to get solved tonight, if it was the last thing Buffy Summers ever did in this world, and in her heart of hearts she knew it might just be.

She couldn't tell Spike, couldn't let him feel the guilt for anything she suffered tonight. It was for his own good as well as hers that she hadn't told him what she was planning, despite the fact she was doing it all for him.

It was just getting dark out and the streetlights flashed on one by one as she looked out of the window and waited for Angel to arrive. Riley wasn't far away, she could just make out his car on the other side of the street right before the turning. Angel would be coming from the opposite direction and wouldn't see him, at least that was the plan. If he came past Riley's car though it was doubtful he'd realise who it was anyway.

Buffy noticed her palms were sweating and she was shaking all over as she waited. This wasn't supposed to be so difficult, she hadn't been half so nervous when she'd had to face Spike, believing him to be a murderer, but then that was all it was. A belief she had, something that somebody had convinced her was true. There was evidence that Angel was guilty of his crimes, not enough concrete fact to stand up in a court of law but enough for Buffy to know she was about to try and charm a confession from a definite killer.

It was bad enough when she'd had to summon up the nerve to tell Riley all, not that she really had given him every detail but still. She'd explained that Spike was not guilty and why she was more certain now than she ever had been. He'd asked how she'd suddenly managed to get information from the bleached blond that seemed so difficult for her to obtain before. Though she never said she loved him or that they'd slept together, she did admit to feeling like she knew him. Riley was in two minds whether to believe his colleauge despite the deep feelings he harboured for her, but she didn't really have a reason to lie. He had asked her if she was certain she wasn't being played. She told him it was near impossible given all the supposed evidence, and even if it were all a lie, they'd know after tonight.

So here they were, Buffy exhaled shakily as she reached a hand inside her own top and adjusted the tiny microphone, the wire of which was taped to her body beneath her uncharacteristically skimpy clothes. She didn't want to look slutty, just a little more womanly and attractive than maybe she normally would when meeting with a work friend. She needed Angel to believe her when she said she liked him, a lot more than she'd ever admitted before. Needed him to trust her enough that when she complimented him on how well he set up Spike for something he didn't do, O'Connor would come out and admit it. After that, convincing him to confess to the murder couldn't be that hard, she surmised, though she wouldn't let her brain wander too far for fear of realising she was doing something insanely stupid.

Buffy's breath caught in her throat when she saw Angel approach her front door. With a deep breath she adjusted her skirt once again, hating that it wouldn't reach her knees no matter how she tried, before going to let him in. He had a bottle of wine in his hand and what she assumed he thought was a sexy grin on his face. She felt so sick right now, but she smiled anyway.

"Hey" she said, almost coyly, calling on every acting skill she had.

"Wow" was his only response, "How come you don't dress like this for work" he asked as his eyes roamed her body, making her feel cheap, "You look amazing"

"Thankyou" she forced out, "Er, come in"

She convinced him to let up his grip on the wine and allow her to go get the corkscrew. In the kitchen she poured a full glass for him and just a little for herslef, making it look as if she'd already downed hers on the way back to the living room where he waited for her.

"So, you said you had some things you needed to say to me, Summers" Angel reminded her as she handed him the glass full of wine, "What's on your mind?"

"Please, Angel" she said with a smile, almost purring his name "We're not at work now, you can call me Buffy without the guys thinking I'm getting any special treatment" she emphasised the last two words in such a way, as if to say she wanted some.

"Okay, Buffy" he grinned, liking this game so far, especially the view he was getting from his seat as she sat oppoite on the couch. She crossed her legs and her already short skirt rode up to reveal a couple more inches of flesh, "What's up, sweetheart?" he asked again.

"Nothing in particular is..up" she shrugged, eyes travelling down his body, "Well, maybe one thing" she said more quietly batting her eyes.

Inside she just wanted to throw up, worse she wanted to die for what she was having to do but it was all for a good cause. She just kept telling herslef how great life could be with Spike if she could just get through this. She would tell him everything afterwards, it wouldn't matter then. Right now she just had to make Angel comfortable and loose-tongued, although that was definitely not a phrase she'd be saying to the man himself any time soon. There were already far too many dirty little thoughts in his head that she'd rather not imagine, but at least he was at arms length so far, she would do her best to get the information she needed without things progressing too far. She had her doubts that it'd be that easy.

* * *

Spike was worried about Buffy. He knew she needed to spend a lot of time at the office and such, not just for appearances sake but also to do further research into his case. He didn't want to complain about that, of course not, but he missed her a great deal. The last couple of days he'd barely seen her and she pulled away too fast when he tried to touch her this morning. The way she'd said goodbye as she left his apartment had sounded wrong, like it was final or something. He hadn't noticed til afterwards as he added up all the little instances of strange behaviour. In the end Spike had decided he needed to talk to her and right now. Maybe she was having second thoughts about them getting involved together, maybe her police mates and that wanker, O'Connor, had told her more lies, convincing her that the guilty man in this case had not changed.

Spike was just across the street from the front door to Buffy's building when a voice call 'hey' behind him. He didn't recognise the bloke that frantically gestured from the car parked beside him.

"You got a problem, mate?" Spike asked warily as he walked over. There was a lot of weird blokes about at this time of night, and not all of them prayed on young girls as some assumed.

"William Blood" the mystery man said a little coldly and Spike frowned.

"Who's askin'?" he checked, backing up a step, a million panicked thoughts running through his brain.

"I'm not asking" Riley told him, "I know who you are. I'm a colleague of Buffy's" he explained "a friend too" he added of Spike's less than happy expression.

"Then what're you doin' sittin' out here in your car, mate?" the bleached blond asked, still not at all comfortable with this situation. Things only got more confusing when he heard familiar female laughter pour from the car. He glanced in the windows but no-one but Riley was there, Buffy's voice was coming from a speaker on the dash.

"What the bloody hell...?" he frowned.

"Get in the car, I'll explain" Riley said shortly, and Spike kept a careful eye on this man as he did as he was told for once.

"So, I'm in the car" he said pointedly, "Explain"

"My name's Detective Finn" the police officer began, "I work with Buffy, I was part of the team involved with solving the Walker murder case"

Spike winced at how cold and clinical Dru's death was to these official types, just another case, another bunch of paperwork.

"She explained to me how she'd got to know you, how she had evidence that whilst the victim was murd..."

"Drusilla" Spike interrupted quietly, "Your victim had a name, Drusilla" he said giving the other man a look. Riley sighed before continuing.

"Your Drusilla was killed, but not by you. Buffy told me that and I believe her" he confirmed, "She explained about the evidence she'd got not being enough, but being almost one hundred percent certain O'Connor is guilty"

Spike opened his mouth to speak when he heard words through the speakers once again.

"I can't believe you had me fooled all this time" said Angel's voice, "You really had me thinking you didn't like me at all"

"It wouldn't be very professional for me to be all over you at work" Buffy replied shyly, "Doesn't mean I didn't want to be"

Spike screwed his eyes tight shut and looked away, feeling physically sick.

"She's acting" Riley told the bleached blond as he looked both terribly hurt and angry at the same time, "She's wearing a wire and...she knows he likes her. She can probably get a confession this way"

"You idiot" Spike sneered, "You let her go it alone with that...that murderous git!" he raved, reaching for the handle to open the car door just as the Riley hit a button that locked it.

"Can't let you out of here, Blood" he said with a shake of his head, "I can't risk you screwing this up"

"Doesn't bother you then?" Spike asked with his best evil sneer, "Bein' locked in here with a supposed murderer, that alright with you is it?"

"You're not a murderer" Riley told him, as if he didn't know, "I have enough faith in Buffy to believe what she says. I trust her judgement of people too"

"So, what?" Spike said frustratedly, "I gotta sit here and listen to her and pissin' O'Connor get half way to shagging? Not bloody likely" he snapped.

"You don't get a choice" Riley snapped, "Not if you want to keep out of jail"

Spike turned to look at him then, steely gaze meeting another just the same. He knew Finn was right, but that didn't mean he hated the situation any the less. He, more than anyone, knew what O'Connor was capable of. If Buffy got caught, maybe even if she didn't, she could find herself in a whole heap of trouble, or worse. She might not come out of this alive.

* * *

Buffy tried not to squirm away too much as Angel sat close to her on the couch, his hand on her bare knee. She tried not to think about the physical contact, tried to imagine it was Spike here with her now just to make it easier to take but it was no use, besides she couldn't risk that she might say his name by mistake. This was too big a deal for errors.

"I always knew you were sexy as hell, and totally brave" she smiled sexily, finger playing with his shirt where the top few buttons were undone "but imagine my surprise when I realised there was even more to you than that" she said, trying to keep her breathing and her heart rate under control. He was her superioir officer, trained even more intensly than her to spot liars and scenarios in which he was getting set up.

"Man of many layers, that's me" he said, edging closer to her, his hand ceeping to just above her knee. She swallowed back the bile that rose in her throat, forcing herslef to keep this up just a little longer.

"Brains and brawn in one package, quite a good deal" she said softly, fingers tracing patterns on his skin "and a guy like you, what you did, you must have some brain in there" she said with fake wonderment as her fingers moved up and ran through his hair.

"What I did?" he frowned slightly at her words "What're you talking about, baby?" he asked, a little distracted by her soft touch.

"The guy you set up" she whispered, getting incredibly close, almost hypnotising him with her lips and eyes "that Blood guy you've got me tailing, it's pure artistry the way you made him feel so bad, he might even admit to a crime he never committed" she smiled as if she might laugh, though inside she was screaming and crying a river.

Angel backed off a little, and she panicked, pushing her body up closer to his til they were a mere inch or two away from touching.

"It's okay" she promised "I won't tell. I mean, it's not like _you_ killed the girl or anything, it's just someone's gotta take the blame" she shrugged "and who better than the girls whack-job ex who's already on our records"

Buffy hated saying these things, hated herself for saying them even though she knew she was just acting. She tried not to wince as Angel's sweaty hand returned to her leg and the other came up to her face, his fingers running softly over her cheek and pushing her hair behind her ear.

"If you're so sure Blood didn't kill her" he said after a moment "why are you still...?"

"Messing with his head?" Buffy interrupted, "Trying to get the confession? Because you want me to" she said leaning forward so she could whisper in his ear and not have to look at his face at the same time "I've been hiding what I feel for so long but...you know I'd do anything you asked, Angel" she said as she pulled back to look him in the eye, trying to look as convincing as possible "Anything at all" she said breathlessly before he finally moved in and put his lips to hers with some force.

It was just about as disgusting as Buffy knew it would be. It would've been bad enough anyway but after the wonder she knew Spike could evoke in her, he'd spoilt her for anyone else. He was so tender and gentle and yet passionate at the same time, he never failed in making her feel like a goddess when he loved her the way only he could. In comparison, Angel was heavy and awkward and not at all gentle as he pressed her into the csuhions and his hand found it's way right up her skirt. Buffy couldn't take anymore.

"Angel?" she gasped, short of breath and not in a good way as she twisted her head away.

"Hmm" he mumbled against her neck where he was currently kissing and sucking like a leech.

"Who do you think really did kill Drusilla Walker?" she said, "I mean, if it's not Blood it had to be someone right?" she was both relieved and a little worried when his hand stilled it's movement beneath her skirt and his lips left her neck. He moved off her slightly and looked at her strangely.

"If I knew that why would we be setting him up?" he asked uncertainly and Buffy worried that she'd said too much too soon.

"I don't know" she said hurriedly, "I was just thinking he must be some guy too, y'know big with the brains and brawn package just like you" she attempted a smile, uncertain if it came out right as he leaned over her, not looking exactly happy. She was in no poistion to get away if he turned nasty and her heart thumped wildly in her chest.

"What're you saying?" he asked in a low voice and she breathed deeply before finding a sweet smile for him.

"Come on, Angel" she purred, putting a hand to his face "you can tell me if you know" she urged him, "Whisper it in my ear...with all the other dirty little secrets you've been dying to share with me" she encouraged as he brought his lips down on hers once again. His hands chose different directions, one tangling in her hair as the other went for a route inside her top. Buffy was too busy trying to squirm away from the worst of his advances she didn't realise what was happening til it was too late.

"I'll tell you what you want to know" he breathed in her ear "but first, you answer me one question"

"Anything" she whispered back, glad this was almost over, waiting fro the words that would set Spike free...they never came. Buffy yelped as the tape that held the wire secure was ripped from her skin, and Angel leaned over her, holding the tiny microphone in his hand.

"What the hell is this!" he yelled angrily.

To Be Continued...

**A/N2 : One chapter to go, in the meantime any reviews would be most gratefully received.**


	22. Chapter 22

A/N : Well, here we are at the end of this fic. It's actually been almost a year since I started it, but then I did take a little break in the middle. Anywho, thanks so much to all the reviewers of this story, whether you reviewed one chapter or every chapter, you all rock, and I really appreciate the support you have given me on this story which was all a little different for me. Without further ado, here's the last chapter, and also the epilogue.  
_(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)_

Chapter 22

"Buffy!" Riley yelled as he slammed through the front door.

In case of such an emergency Buffy hadn't locked it properly. She had hoped they could avoid a confrontation like this with Angel, the guy seemed capable of anything, but now he'd found the wire and they'd just have to deal with the consequences as best they could.

Buffy was equal parts stunned, grateful, and frightened half to death when she realised Riley wasn't alone as he entered the room.

"Spike" she gasped as Angel dragged her off the couch and turned her around, his arm round her throat as he held her back against him.

"Let her go you bastard" the bleached blond demanded, stepping forward. Riley put an arm out to stop him as O'Connor smiled evilly and pulled the gun from inside his jacket.

"You might wanna stay back there, William" he sneered, holding the barrel of the gun to Buffy's head. To her credit she didn't scream or cry, just stared at Spike trying to tell him with her eyes alone that it was okay, that he needed to stay back for both their sakes right now.

"You don't wanna do this O'Connor" Riley told him.

"You giving me orders..." Angel mused, "I'm fairly certain it's supposed to be the other away around, what with me being your superior and everything"

"A title doesn't make you superior" Buffy told him, "Riley's a better man than you"

"Is that so?" said Angel, tightening his grip on her throat just a little to make her panic, "And what about Blood here, you think he's a better man than me too?"

"He's the best man I ever met" she yelled, hiding the fear she felt expertly, "You're nothing but a disgusting low-life murderer"

"Really, Summers" he tutted, "Do you not listen to anything you're taught. See you can't go around accusing people without evidence, good solid evidence" he told her, "Innocent til proven guilty, remember?"

"You son of a..." Spike started but Angel cut him off.

"Now, now Willy" he scolded him like a child, "That's no way to talk in front of a lady"

"Just let her go, damn it!" the bleached blond yelled, pushing Riley aside to advance on the man that held the gun to his girl's head. The weapon clicked as Angel readied it for firing and held it firmly to Buffy's temple.

"You think you can stop me?" he laughed, "Even if you could save yourself, you couldn't save her, just like you couldn't save Dru"

Spike felt tears in his eyes of both anger and pain as he realised how close he was to losing another that he loved. He had no choice but to back off and Buffy fought valiantly not to cry and show the terrible fear she was feeling.

"Finn" Angel snapped, "Go and get the tape"

"Tape?" Riley pretended not to understand, but that only made Angel angrier.

"The tape recording of tonight, the one connected to the wire, dumb-ass!" he shouted and Riley shared a brief look with Buffy before going out to the car to fetch the tape as instructed. It wasn't worth another life being lost.

He returned a moment later and Angel instructed him to spool the tape out from it's plastic container. In the process the tape became so mangled it wouldn't be of any use anymore and anything even slightly incriminating Angel might have said in the past hours was destroyed.

"Now what?" Buffy asked barely breathing, "You just gonna shoot me for the hell of it? You know you can't Angel" she told him, in tears by now.

"She's right, O'Connor" Riley chipped in, "You found us out, the tapes destroyed, it's done. If you kill us now you'll definitely go down for murder, no matter what really happened with the Walker case. You can't cover this up"

"The Walker case" he echoed, looking at Spike, "Sounds cold and sterile, doesn't it? Not fitting for our girl"  
"She was never yours" Spike ground out, "She never was and she never wanted to be"

"Is that what she told you?" Angel smirked, "You should no better, _Spike_"

"What the bloody hell do you mean by that?" the bleached blond wanted to know and Angel took great delight in explaining.

"You think it was all me coming onto her?" he said, "You really think she never encouraged me, that she didn't enjoy me chasing her, wanting her til it drove me insane"

"No" Spike shook his head, "No, it was you that drove her insane. She deserved to be happy, deserved a good life, with me"  
Angel laughed at that.

"A good life with you" he scoffed, "Living in a nasty little apartment on the bad side of town, shut up in that place all by herself whilst you were out sleeping with whores" he said nastily.

Spike saw red, but managed to be sensible and not attack Angel physically. Buffy meant too much him. He couldn't screw up now.

"I never cheated on Dru" he said firmly, "You set me up with that Amy bint, make me think I did, make me feel guilty enough that I'd blame myself for...for what you did"

"Yeah, and it worked like a charm" Angel grinned evilly, "If it hadn't been for our Miss Summers here having trouble keeping her panties on it might even have worked"

"You asshole, son of a bitch..." she screamed, struggling to get away but the gun back at her head made her stop and Angel's other hand over her mouth kept her quiet.

"When I want your opinion, I'll ask" he whispered in her ear and she felt sick having to be so close to him. How she'd managed to keep up that charade before she had no idea, and the worst part was it seemed like it was all for nothing, she might be dead before the night was over.

"You admit it" Riley said suddenly, "You killed Drusilla Walker, and set up Blood to cover your tracks"

"Wow, Finn, we might just make a detective out of you yet" Angel smirked, "Took you long enough to catch on, didn't it?"

"You make me sick" he spat, "And you're going down for what you did"

"And you really think anybody's going to take the word of a criminal, his slut of a girlfriend, and the guy that follows her round like a lost puppy dog, over a respected superior officer?"

Buffy bit his fingers to make him move his hand, which he did, distracting him just long enough for Spike to run over and grab the hand that held the gun. Buffy twisted away from her attacker as her lover fought to get the gun away from him. Spike was no stranger to scuffles such as these though never with guns that were likely to go off at any moment. He'd had a few fights where knives were out before though and he'd never lost yet. In moments it was him who had Angel in a headlock, the barrel of the gun pressed to his temple.

"Proper sod you, aren't ya?" he said, shaking with anger, "Think you're so damn smart messing with people's heads" he yelled in his ear, "Well how does it bloody feel having a gun pressed to your own!"

"You think you scare me? You're an idiot" Angel laughed, and Buffy began to wonder if he truly was insane.

"Spike, don't" Buffy begged him, knowing she'd be only too happy if Angel died right now, but not like this. Misplaced guilt had almost killed Spike, the real kind was something neither of them could bear to live with.

Pure rage was in the bleached blond's eyes as he tightened his arm around Angels' throat, slowly crushing his wind-pipe.

"Killing me won't solve anything" he squeaked, "Dru will still be dead, I'll still have got away with it" he forced a chuckle but Buffy was to have the last laugh.

"You really think I'm that stupid,_ Angel_" she spat in his face, "You really think I'd risk myself with just a wire when I know what a perverted jerk you are?" she asked him, "Look around" she gestured and Spike allowed the git to move just enough so he could do as he was told, "The vase, the picture frame, the VCR, I got microphones rigged everywhere I could hide one"

"I destroyed the tape, Buffy" Riley told her sadly.

"Only the one you knew about" she shook her head, "You know that nice, quiet guy back at the station, Daniel Osbourne?" she said smartly, looking right at Angel, "He happens to be a friend of mine, and he's back there at the station right now, taping every little thing you say"

"You bitch" Angel raged, trying to get free of Spike to come at her. Buffy took a step back as Spike cursed and squeezed the air from Angel's body once again.

"That'll be the back-up" Riley commented as he heard sirens in the distance. Buffy frowned, not understanding. "You're not the only one who's not stupid" he told her, "When I had to go out to the car for the tape, I radioed in, figured we might need some help"

"Only sod here who needs help is this evil bugger" Spike sneered, sheer fury and adrenaline making him much stronger than Angel right now.

As officers burst into the building he finally gave up his grip in the killer of his former love as Angel was dragged away and hand-cuffed, his rights being read as he was pulled out the door.

"Spike" Buffy cried, falling into his arms and sobbing as he fought not to do the same. They'd been so afraid for each others lives, lived through so much pain, now it was almost over. Riley watched the pair embrace and sighed. How had this all happened, it made his head spin to try and work it out.

William Blood suspected murderer, now practically crying in the arms of the officer sent to frame him for his crime, whilst the chief officer in charge of the case was being dragged kicking and screaming out the front door in shackles by several armed soon to be ex colleagues.

"You won't get away with this!" he bellowed and Buffy and Spike were holding onto each other's hands as they went to the door and watched the guilty man be frisked for further weapons.

"No, you're the one that's not getting away with it" Buffy told him.

Angel laughed at her, a maniacal, crazy laugh that made her shudder.

"Doesn't change anything" he told her, "Drusilla's still just as dead, and that pathetic boy you're with is still the biggest loser ever to crawl out the gutter!"

Lightening fast Buffy grabbed the gun that Spike still held and levelled it at Angels' head.

"Buffy, no!" her lover told her as soon as he realised what she was doing, but it was too late she'd already pulled the trigger. The bang of the gun firing shattered the night, but Angel didn't fall, just laughed.

"You think I'd risk another body on my hands?" he told her as he was bundled into the car. The gun had been filled with blanks.

Angel O'Connor was clearly crazy as well as evil, but that didn't matter now. One way or another he was going to pay for what he did, locked up where he could never hurt anyone ever again.

"I could've..." Buffy began but was too much in shock to finish the sentence. She might've killed a man then, without a moments hesitation, and all because she couldn't bear to hear one more foul-mouthed lie from that bastard about her man.

"But you didn't" Riley told her as he took the gun from her hands and went over to his colleagues.

Buffy fell into Spike's arms once again, holding him so tight he could hardly breathe, but he barely noticed. The nightmare was finally over and whilst neither of them could ever forget the torment they had gone through, they had a chance to move on from it now and make a new life together.

The End, almost


	23. Epilogue

Epilogue

"Hello, luv" Spike said gently as he knelt down by the gravestone and traced his fingers along the lettering.

Drusilla Annabel Walker  
1982 - 2004

With no real family or friends around at the time of her burial, that was all the small stone said, no fancy inscription or pretty verse, but it wasn't important.

"Can hardly believe it's been a year since you left me" Spike sighed, "I know you didn't want to, and you gotta believe me, pet, I never wanted you to either. You were my world, Dru, and it all came tumbling down around me when I knew you were gone" he fought tears as he laid a bunch of daisies, her favourite flowers, on the ground she lay under.

"I won't ever forget you, luv" he promised, "Couldn't even if I wanted to, but I got a shot at happiness now, and we all deserve that, right?"

He got to his feet and took Buffy's hand in his.

"This is Buffy" he told a woman who wasn't even there, but the blonde knew he wasn't insane or crazy, he just needed this closure, "She makes me happy, pet, in ways I didn't know were possible" he told his old lover's grave, "You'd have liked her if you'd have known her, she's a hell of a woman..." his voice wavered with emotion and Buffy squeezed his hand, reassuring him that she was there for him, always.

"I won't be coming back again, Dru" Spike said firmly, "Doesn't mean I didn't love you cos I bloody did, always will somehow, but I have to move on. Wherever you are now I hope you're happy like you ought to be...Rest in peace, luv" he said finally, before walking away still gripping his girlfriends hand.

"You okay?" she checked as they cleared the cemetery gates.

"Yeah, actually, reckon I am" Spike nodded, stopping walking suddenly, "Buffy, the last year everything's changed so damn much, not least since I met you" he told her, looking into her eyes, "You brought light back into my life that I thought I'd lost for good. I got my innocence back somehow, I don't have to feel guilty anymore and that's all because of you, Buffy" he said, putting a hand to her cheek as tears sprang from her eyes.

"I love you, Spike" she told him, voice shaking with emotion as he leant in close to her.

"I know" he nodded, "and that's why I had to come here today, say my proper goodbyes to Dru. Now I'm free of all of this, my past, all the bad things that have happened...Buffy" he sighed, "God, I love you. Will you marry me?"

"Yes" she forced out, so overcome by it all and with tears pouring down her face, only this time not from pain, anger, or sadness, just of pure joy.

When he kissed her then and the world spun beautifully out of control, they were just two young people who loved each other unconditionally.

What could be more innocent than that?

The End

A/N : A final review would be very much appreciated at this juncture, as all previous reviews have been similarly appreciated :-)


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